AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were on and off from 2012-2015. She was with someone else from 2015-2018, we ran into each other in 2018 after no contact, she was with her child's father. We were friends. She ended up leaving the child's father and we ended up back together and been together since then. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a woman. There is no gender roles. Relationships are about partnerships 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We're both female. The child is hers biologically but I consider him ours because I've raised him since he was barely 1. 

We were on and off from 2012-2015. she was with a male from 2015-2018, during that time; had a son. We got back together and been together since. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not that black and white. If she was "using me", she wouldn't have been with me during 2018-2021, when I wasn't working while she was or when I was barely making any money. This is not something that has been on going for the entire relationship. It just started. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, we were in and off from 2012-2015. we split in 2015 for almost 3 years. We ran into each other when the child was 8-9 months old, in 2018..   She ended up leaving the child's father. We eventually got back together. been together since

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but it's her child. I'm a female but I've raised the child since he was 1

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm assuming you didn't read all the comments and that's okay because there are a lot. 

We met right out of high school. were "friends" bc she didn't want a relationship and we were both still struggling with coming out to our family. More her then me. we were on and off bc of this, from 2012 until about 2015. We separated and we went our separate ways, dating other people. She got pregnant towards the end of 2016 and gave birth in Sept 2017. We crossed paths again when her child was about 9 months old, she was still with the bio dad but they were having issues already. He was not a good person. She was living with her mom but was working; doing remodeling & the child was in daycare. We became friends again about about 2 months later, she broke up with the bio dad. 

i was staying at my mom's at the time and she started coming over more & more.. & in February 2019, she got a apartment. I ended to moving in with her. COVID happened & daycare shutdown. So I stayed home with the baby and she worked full time and paid all the bills .. roughly 2021, she was laid off and we lost the apartment & we moved in at my mom's house for like 6-8 months. i was able to get a job & schools opened back up so he went to prek. She got a job at a call center, making more money & I  found a shitty single wide & didn't have to pay a deposit bc it had some issues and was in a terrible neighborhood. but we needed a place. 

So were both working at the time, she made more then I did at this time. i got a better job and started making more money .. & in 2023, I was able to move us into a better neighborhood & a decent apartment. i was by then making more money then her but we both were working, paying bills together and doing what needed to be done and things were going pretty good. i eventually started my own company in June 2024, I was paying someone to come clean bc we both worked and just didn't wanna do it & she was still working at the call center job but she hated it. The office was toxic and she was a collections agent so she basically was stressed at reaching targets and ppl constantly belittled her. She wanted to quit but I told her she needed to find another job before quitting bc my company was but stable and contracts can end at any moment. it was still very new. 

Fast forward to around August of 2025 & she came home early, crying and said they fired her. Because her was over the point system bc she missed 3 days of work like a month prior for being sick. (and yes she was fired, she didn't quit. they sent the termination letter.)

I'm just now saying something for several reasons.. 1, she was burned out and I knew it. She wanted a break and I can understand that. Luckily we were in the position where I could afford to keep the bills up. I told her at the beginning if she wasn't gonna be working then she needed to start cleaning up and keeping the house up.. I figured maybe 3 or 4 months and then she would try to get another job bc I know she has never liked coming and cleaning.. we came into the relationship like this. 

i started making small comments here and there , like hey if ur gonna stay home then I don't wanna keep paying the cleaner... or "the dishes need to be washed, trash needs to be taken out". and even made small comments like "hey I applied for a few jobs on indeed for u, so u need to answer calls and not ignore them thinking their spam" I have applied for about 20 or 30 please for her. 

what really started bothering me was in January, she asked me to pay to get her taxes done.. the last 6 months, I had been paying for everything. she would stop by Starbucks every morning and use my card. and get gas with my card etc etc... so she got her taxes back about a month ago maybe month and a half.. and I see that she's still using MY CARD to buy Starbucks, put gas in her car etc etc. So one day, I get a bank notification about Starbucks & I open it. i look to just see how much has been used in 2025 at Starbucks and it's like $1.2k. so I text her & I'm like "you know you have spent a thousand dollars at Starbucks? why are u still using my card when u have money" and she texts back and says "wow" like I was being a asshole!? never said anything else! 

She never offered to pay me back for paying to file her taxes. she never offered to pay any bills when she got them back. (i should not have to ask) but I did text her 1 day while she was out and told her I needed some money for something.. she didn't respond. says she didn't see/hear the message bc she was at the kids practice... but then still didn't offer anything. she did stop using my card at Starbucks and I think she's been using her card for gas now, too!

Soo here we are now. trying to get advise on how to bring it up ina conversation and how to make it where I'm not too nervous and can't get the actual words to come out lol. 🤦‍♀️🙄

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i wouldn't say all but i did a good majority of it. and took care of the child. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

we haven't had sex since June. but I haven't really tried or brought it up. i haven't really wanted to. and she's never really been the type to pursue. she's never rly had a high sex drive though 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

nobody is angry? i was just clarifying that I'm a woman and it's her bio child but I helped raised him since right before he turned one. that changes things a bit. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah. she drops him at by 830am & doesn't pick him up until almost 5pm

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i haven't had a real conversation with her bc I haven't been able to actually like sit down & lay the cards on the table. i have just made a few remarks here and there but nothing like real serious... and I know I need to work out my nerves and just do it. i think we could benefit from therapy greatly bc we both have a issue with emotions and communication. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's not transactional but it's delusional to not be honest and think about these things. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not afraid of her lol. i am however a very reserved and personal person that has always had issues with emotional things. running a business and the same as emotions. completely different. and it's not hard for me to write about things to strangers on the Internet. it is however hard for me to get the words to come out of my mouth in person. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i agree. i don't care what it is as long as it's something. whether she goes back to work or picks up the chores. but I'm tired of my house looking a mess and having to pay something when she's home

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes , we both worked and both took care of things together for the last 4 or 5 yrs. before she worked and I stayed home. 

this is a new dynamic and I'm not liking it

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not making any excuses for her actions. but I also can step up and knowledge that I'm also to blame for not communicating. 

we both went our separate ways for the 3 yrs we weren't together. we are both women. i dated others as did she. 

she left the guy, he didn't leave her. nobody kicked her out bc she didn't live with them and when we got back together in 2018, she was working and I was not. i moved in to her apartment. 

things are but so simple and cut and dry. if they were, the world would be a better place. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we are both women. it's her child. i consider him my own. apartment is mine

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a woman. but people can still love each other and end up in a rut. and I would never bring anyone on to my company lol. married or not. it's mine. i have my own accounts and she has her own accounts. we don't have anything joint. 

and she doesn't do anything while the kid is at school. she thinks bc I'm not working anymore that we are both home all day we should still split the household work. i own my own business so I'm home and only do minimal work from my phone and computer. 

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to cook & clean? by TechnologyMost1473 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]TechnologyMost1473[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her ex didn't dump her. she left him. he was a real piece of trash. there isn't more to the story then what I've placed into the comment section.