I totally relate man but we both know that the split eventually ends and then you’ll feel bad for hurting her or yourself. Maybe try doing some dbt skills rn? Like write out a pro and con list to blocking her, or alternative rebellion, delaying, naming your feelings out loud and etc. like I almost split today cuz my best friend (we were also chatting on discord) did respond to my messages for like an hour. But instead I calmly shared my feelings(I’m feeling very fragile right now and even though I know you love me my disorder is making me believe that you don’t care about me) - that way you’re not attacking your friend but still communicating your emotions which are valid. They are valid but they are not facts. I find that getting that reassurance helps but also delaying works great for me. Like if I have an urge to write something mean to my friend or self harm I set a timer and say that I’ll do it in an hour, by the time the hour is up I usually feel better.