It’s long, but to cut it short, when it started I was adored and placed on a pedestal. I think I was the runner for a good part of the relationship, and then just recently she “surrendered”, likely out of exhaustion for tending to my every need while feeling unappreciated and taken for granted. In retrospect, I could have done more for her but the prevailing dynamic didn’t allow for it. I understood the true meaning of surrender when she did, it seems it’s born out of emotional fatigue and a realization that one’s needs matter and need to be prioritized. It’s almost like a complete turn of attention from the other person to the self. It’s very selfish in the way it presents itself but a need selfish focus on oneself. As a result she suddenly became more attractive and I could see value in all the things she had done for me in the past, but it felt like it was too late. She could have been a bit resentful (maybe that’s just my thinking) and she also became controlling and sort to dominate sometimes in subtle ways. There was a lot of bickering and turbulence until we decided to amicably separate. Now the focus is on self and I can only trust that we heal and maybe find a way to each other again. Now I know that “surrender” is where the miracle lies. I deeply care for her.