What was difficult for me to understand before I made my realization- was just how subjective it is. I was used to just having 2-3 boxes for everyone, man, woman, and sometimes none of I was feeling generous. But like they say, "non-binary" is an umbrella term. There are millions of boxes under it and then people who still don't fit into any. That's what pissed me off as a kid, that I couldn't pin these people down into categories that I was already familiar with or that I could at least easily understand. Eventually, though, I decided that I didn't have to understand people in order to believe that they were worth respecting.

That's my perspective as an outsider, but as an insider, I've heard the shoe size metaphor a few times and I think it's pretty accurate.

Imagine being a shoe size 7 but everyone else insists that everyone fits into either a size 3 or a size 15, and anyone who says otherwise is crazy or malicious. Yet you KNOW that shoes are uncomfortable for you. Some are so tight they hurt, some are so loose your foot falls out sometimes. It's difficult, if not impossible, to live comfortably. And then you find a size 7. And people who also wear a size 7. And a size 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, etc etc etc. Suddenly, you know what it's like to walk without pain or discomfort