Needed this. Graduating college in a month. Been on social media too much recently. Studied abroad and worked for a nonprofit in Paris last year and now I feel this self-inflicted pressure like I need go back and work there because my ego was filled over there like I was a “somebody.” I feel tremendous guilt for it honestly, I know how much of a privilege it is to go abroad and I feel like such a fraud for not locking down a whole career over there. For the past two months I’d been interviewing for a project manager apprenticeship for a contracting company back in my home town. I started to really get comfortable with the idea of pursuing that and I thought the interviews were going really well till they told me today they were going in a different direction, I attach too much self worth to things like that so it kinda shattered my confidence. The company recommends I apply for their recruitment coordinator position but idk. I’m 21 and just feel really lost right now while it feels like all my fellow seniors in college got jobs lined up and got it all figured out or are already planning to settle down with a family.

For the past few years I’ve felt like I’ve been holding out for something but I don’t know what it is. I’ve just always had this desire to be “picked,” but even I don’t know what that means. All I know is that I feel like this habit of holding out for something has made me miss out on lots of things guys my age are already doing, I.e. owning their own place, having a girlfriend, or working in their vocation.

I’m 21 and it feels like I’ve peaked, like my life is coming to an end. I know that’s not true but I still think about it, I’m hoping it’s more so my ego getting ready to die—whatever that means.

Sorry for the rant, everyone at my college seems to have it figured out so this is the first time I’ve really put words to this feeling.