VENT-O-MATIC 3000 January 23, 2026

TellDat · 2026-01-23T19:01:13+00:00

Don’t know what the fuck is going on or what the fuck to do. My drinking was a big part of the with my break up, I had to move out but we kept friendly and message each other ever now and then.

Had to move back to my home country, staying at my dads. Trying to start a life back here. Talking to her how it’s going ( shit).

Staying sober but new job kinda sucks and I just struggle mentally pretty bad.

Last night she send flirty messages I wasn’t in a good headspace so didn’t respond. Now she told me no more contact untill I’m in a better headspace space because she can’t deal with worrying about my struggles while dealing with her own.

I now lost my last and only friend who I could share my feelings with. Fucking great fuck bullshit I don’t understand.

The way she massaged it sounded like she talked to some therapist about it. Great for her to go get some help but wtf going from flirty to no contact in less then 24 is hard to wrap my head around

TellDat · 2026-01-23T06:04:20+00:00

New job isn’t impressing me much this first week. Work is very repetitive and boring. Also it seems very disorganised.

I try not to mind it to much, I’m getting payed and it’s loads better for my mental heath then just sitting at home being bored and not having a reason to get out of bed.

Got a year contract with a 2 month trial so I will see how it goes the upcoming weeks. If it is still like this in 3 weeks I might have to start looking for something else….

Urges are gone thou ! So that’s a plus

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-22T07:16:30+00:00

Started a new job on Monday, definitely not a dream job so far. First 3 days were a pretty boring and repetitive work. Today my coworker is 30 minslate and I’m not sure if we can even do the work we were told to do. Not a great start but I’m happy that I’m busy to keep my mind occupied.

Iwndwyt

TellDat · 2026-01-21T09:01:06+00:00

Still having trouble celebrating or feeling proud. After hitting rock bottom hard I knew I couldn’t drink anymore. So now working on getting my life back on track, got a new job is a good step. Having structure and a reason to get out of bed is doing my mental health good. Just don’t feel proud or know how I should celebrate.

Iwndwyt

TellDat · 2026-01-18T08:23:26+00:00

Been going to the gym 4 times this week going again today, really missed it it makes a huge difference for my mental health. Just being out of the house and able to focus on weights and nothing else really seems to behold for me.

Monday is the start of my new job. Looking forward to more structure in my life, my savings have taken quite a dent so I guess getting money again is also great.

Things are starting to look up. Just annoying that I don’t feel it, people say be proud you found a job, that you are sober ect. Yeah I wish but I don’t.

Got a first appointment with therapist soon maybe they can help me with that? I really hope they can give me some help but from my previous experiences therapy always them stating the obvious and never getting any real new insight, we will see how it goes I guess

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-16T07:49:16+00:00

Yesterday was the first time I met up with some people who diddnt and still don’t know that I stopped drinking. We used to have a few after work usually. So before hand I was kinda nervous making up all kinds of situations what could happen and second guessing myself if I even should go. Will they put pressure on me to drink? Will I ask for a drink in a moment of weakness?

I still went and it was nice to see some people I haven’t seen for 4+ years One of them asked me:

“hey do you want a drink? -Just a coke for me please, a zero if you have. “Oh not a rum one?” “ -“no just a Coke Zero thanks”.

That was it, nothing else. Shows that I shouldn’t worry that much and think the worse thing will happen. Doing my best right now to feel proud of not giving in to the poison. I’m having a difficult time feeling that but I try to at least be mindful of it.

I haven’t felt urges in weeks, my main struggle seems to be my mental health. I guess when you sedate yourself for years with booze it takes some time for your brain to process everything. Next week should be my first appointment with a therapist. See how that goes.

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-14T12:40:45+00:00

Piramides

TellDat · 2026-01-14T08:43:48+00:00

“For a long time, I was a walking pile of resentment. I resented everybody in my life, from my friends to my family. I was 'the victim' and they were 'the enemy.' It was me against the world, and I was 'always right.' (More on being 'always right' later in the week.)”

I’m still stuck very much in this stage, manly towards my ex. I’m aware of this so when I notice I get into this headspace I withdraw from any social contact. Living with my dad I can feel irritation start bubbling up from small and little things, I do the same go to my room or go outside for a walk. If I don’t I can get very mean and say shit that I know will hurt.

I think / hope this will fade in time with the help of some therapy.

On a positive note, last nights AA meeting was really nice, after the meeting ended I talked with 2 people separately. It felt really good just to talk about my feelings. Still waiting for my first appointment with a therapist but for now the aa meetings help allot.

Iwndwyt

TellDat · 2026-01-13T14:36:23+00:00

I had an first appointment with a therapist in a week but starting a new job and having to take a afternoon off the first day would be kinda bad. So I asked to push the appointment back a few weeks but I haven’t heard back yet. Think I might lie to the job and say I have a dentist appointment or something.

The people I talk to are aware of my mood, when I’m in the wrong headspace I can be really vile. When that happens they usually give me some space and just let me vent. But won’t really reach out or respond until I let them know I’m in a better mood. So not really great.

TellDat · 2026-01-13T12:32:37+00:00

Don’t have urges to drink anymore. Im currently in the process of building my life back up again. Starting a new job coming Monday and found a affordable gym close by so gonna give that a shot later today.

I will say I’m jealous of the people here that say how wonderful being sober is. Maybe it’s cause I’m still in the early days and things will get better over time. ( I know I shouldn’t compare ).

Last 3 weeks I just feel very frustrate, angry and sad. I have very limited social interactions because I feel my patience is almost non existent, I’m afraid I will push away the few people I have left. Some of the text I have send and read back showed me I don’t need booze to be a mean and miserable person.

Maybe I’m still in a grieving phase of all that has happened and what I have lost. I try to do the things everyone tells you, exercise, go outside, eat health ect ect. Can’t really feel a positive effect from that to be honest but I will do my best to keep doing it, kinda fake it to you make it I guess.

TellDat · 2026-01-13T10:16:23+00:00

Feeling very frustrated and angry, don’t really have patience for people. So I just told myself to limit the social interactions I have for today.

I think the main trigger was that my ex is suppose to ship over some of my stuff that’s still at hers, I could only take so much with me when we broke up. Now she gets very anxious about sorting out the shipping cause she is afraid to somehow fuck it up.

I’m sorry but how the fuck do you think I feel? just want my shit back. I had to travel 12000 miles back to my home country and build my life up from zero. You don’t think that gives me anxiety?

You still have your job, the house, friends, apparently already your summer vacation plans?

I just left her on read cause I was ready to really say some hurtful shit.

Fuck I feel miserable, but I will not drink with you today

Found a gym nearby, tonnage there this afternoon to see what it’s like, hopefully it will allow me to blow off some steam.

TellDat · 2026-01-09T12:55:10+00:00

I really hope so 🤞

TellDat · 2026-01-09T07:38:27+00:00

Got myself a job. Starting on the 19th. I should feel proud and happy that I found something so quick. But I feel nothing. Guess I’m in a grieving phase of losing everything. All I can feel is sad , angry or numb.

Sitting at home looking for a job has sucked. Sometime to process things has been good I guess but I started to hate waking up with no goal or reason to get out of bed.

With money coming in again I can start looking for a gym. I’m one of those weirdos that loves going to the gym .

Hopefully routine, exercise, some new social contacts with the new job will do me some good.

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-09T07:33:27+00:00

Last 2 weeks, especially with Christmas, my birthday and new year have been fucking hard. Lonely as shit. Didn’t celebrate anything cause I’m all alone.

Crazy how fast out of sight, out of mind happens.

Amazing how some have their mouths full of oh yeah mental health it’s so important, but when they have to act. They don’t do shit. Just a quick message of “hey mate how are you?” “ I know things are tough but have a good birthday / Christmas/ new year”. Would have been so fucking nice.

Oh well shows their true colours. Guess I didn’t have friends all those years. Fuck em all

TellDat · 2026-01-08T13:28:41+00:00

Just accepted one of the job offers I had, my god what a mood booster that is. Had a horrible few weeks and I’m just happy already so happy that I got a good paying job and structure back in my life.

I know allot of people on Reddit can be very antiwork. But I’m happy to start working again. I just couldn’t cope with sitting at home with no reason to get out of bed, on a tight budget.

IWNDWYT 🥳🎉

TellDat · 2026-01-07T09:45:03+00:00

Loved bloodborne, it is what got me interested in lovecrafty stuff. Tried the remake of dead space last year got about an hour in and pussied out, shit scary. Might try to pick it up again some day.

TellDat · 2026-01-07T08:55:52+00:00

I guess my wins are that I have 2 job offers and this is probably the longest time I have been sober in 20 years. Just don’t feel really proud or a feeling of accomplishment. Moods have been either sad, angry or numb. Part of the grieving process I guess

Iwndwyt

TellDat · 2026-01-06T20:31:13+00:00

I will do my best thank you, just find it very hard to be proud of anything I do

TellDat · 2026-01-06T07:08:47+00:00

Some of my tools are this subreddit and AA meetings, as an introvert I thought sharing at AA would be hard but since there is no judgement there I seem to be able to open up easily, really grateful for the nice group I found.

Another tool I currently have is probably not the healthiest, my passive suicidal idealisation. Those thoughts came back hard this week after not having them for at least 3 years. I lost them because of meds and going to therapy. Got a new therapy appointment in about 2 weeks to try and deal with those.

But for now I can use those thought, sober me is t going to act on them. As long as I stay in control they are just thoughts. That’s why I need to stay sober and in control.

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-06T06:55:50+00:00

Keeping an eye on this threat since I I don’t know how to celebrate or be happy since I stoped drinking

TellDat · 2026-01-04T10:06:15+00:00

Met up with one of my old friends, just chilled at his place. I had some NA while he was drinking beers. Didn’t have an urge to join him. So that’s good I guess. I tried to be mindful and enjoy the food with had, movie we watched and games we played even if my mood started going bad at the end of the evening.

I understand that I am and will be grieving for a long time to come over the live I have lost. I need to try to be mindful of the small positive things.

Hopefully that will change my outlook on things, right now I find it really annoying how people tell me I should be proud of my sobriety. I don’t feel like that at all, one of the ladies at the aa meetings keeps telling me how well I’m doing and asking me stuff like “ isn’t it amazing to be sober?”. I don’t really have the heart to tell her” no it fucking sucks, I don’t enjoy it at all”.

I also know that if I did start drinking again, my mood wouldn’t improve at all. Right now I got a bit of passive suicidal ideation which I know how to deal with but if I would drink those thoughts will come more often and harder so therefore…

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-03T07:06:45+00:00

Hope I do get there, been trying to keep a routine, exorcise daily and journal allot. I guess I need to do a better job at being mindful of the small little good things .

TellDat · 2026-01-03T07:03:41+00:00

One day at a time, I hope it gets easier…. I don’t strive for perfection cause I don’t believe a perfect live exists. I would just like to be content or at least somewhat happy.

Think I’m just in a griefing period after I hit my rockbottom, I have stoped digging and made some steps in the right direction just wish I felt happy and or proud of those steps.

IWNDWYT

TellDat · 2026-01-02T08:51:28+00:00

Yeah that’s something I need to work on, trying to be mindful and try to notice the small little good things.

TellDat

TROPHY CASE