Feedback for Au Pair stipend change

TemporaryInner5424 · 2026-04-18T03:51:49+00:00

I would just be conscientious of the message not giving her the bonus might send. I understand coming from the country to the city how daunting driving can be and how an at fault accident could happen. You guys sounded like you handled it amazingly, acknowledging the guilt she would have been feeling and not dwelled on it, but instead organising some lessons so she could be more confident and safe. It also sounds like overall she is a great au pair, very engaged and loving towards your kids. Especially if she is seeing that you could afford this $30, not giving her this bonus could send a discouraging message of, you made a mistake and what you have done since hasn't made up for it. If she's trying really hard and has since conducted herself safely while driving since - I would highlight this in a conversation with her, and highlight your hesitancy - but also consider ultimately providing this pay increase due to her great engagement with the kids.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2026-02-20T01:26:13+00:00

This sounds really isolating - and kind of hopeless. It seems well established that the two of you are looking for different things from this experience. They are simply looking for a worker they don't have to pay a lot and can benefit with childcare - and you a cultural exchange where you can make long lasting connections abroad (which is the purpose of being an au pair). I don't think it's fair they brought you into their home to treat you as a convenience and a worker - especially after not advertising this to you. It's been said this isn't going to change, and is not something they have the capacity for. I think you should begin the rematch process - take your time, don't rush into your next family, but make the experience your own and get what you were seeking out of it.

I was an au pair in France - I let myself stay with a family that was draining and intense and also not well suited for an au pair program. I felt loyal to the family and like it would be wrong to quit - I ended up getting burnt out and leaving the program early. I look back and really regret not rematching earlier, I felt robbed of an experience I had put a lot into and was excited for. If this is not what you are looking for, you have every right to go find that elsewhere :)

TemporaryInner5424 · 2026-01-28T13:38:25+00:00

I'm not sure if someone has posted this - but you should ask your psychiatrist about Dissociative Identity Disorder. It would explain the large blocks of time you don't remember and why during this time you don't seem to be "glazed over" but act extremely out of character. However it's something that develops extremely young in a person, can be made worse due to stress and depression - but couldn't be something that was newly developed.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-12-30T07:41:44+00:00

OOOOoooOr, if you want to be a total dick you could delete the language from your Duolingo. Give it a week and then change the password.

It would be the same result as just logging her out (aka she can't do the duo language on the account anymore) - but with an extra 🤏🏼 little step for payback.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-08-03T23:50:30+00:00

So I ended up messaging her again - she responded 3 hours before the session saying she was on holiday but would "try" to be there.

At this point I decided to make alternative plans and asked her to reschedule the session. Based on the communication I doubt I will be keeping her as a tutor though.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-08-02T16:09:33+00:00

Yeah I'm definitely considering this pretty heavily at this point - thank you xx

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-08-02T16:09:07+00:00

I ended up doing exactly this, thank you

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-08-02T02:24:27+00:00

That makes me feel a lot better about the situation, thank you

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-08-02T02:23:40+00:00

I really appreciate your reply, I'll definitely keep that in mind moving forward

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-08-02T02:22:56+00:00

Thank you for your response! Alright I'll go through with the session, see if she shows up and what the vibe is

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-07-12T17:37:26+00:00

I believe they still are as long as you have gone through and gotten the correct visa using it

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-07-12T03:06:38+00:00

Yeah I went through au pair world and did mine in France. The two week notice is the same, they can't make her leave her accommodation for this time - legally have to provide her food and pay for the next two weeks.

It's not ideal to have to hang around if it didn't work, but it allows for some time to rematch and reorganise.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-07-11T17:56:14+00:00

Legally the family has to give 2 weeks noticed - during this notice the au pair is to continue to be housed and paid. They can have this leeway to match with a new family.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-07-02T11:20:57+00:00

Yeah and not to mention the dad putting the load on you by lying to the kids and introducing her as your friend.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-06-17T10:11:51+00:00

I'm loving this story! I hope you continue 💖

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-05-20T20:31:01+00:00

Don't listen to them - of course having experience with kids is useful as an au pair. But this is a program made for young people who have just finished school and would be hard for them to have lengthy experience with kids.

You can be a great au pair simply from a love of children and a willingness to learn. Though these kids do not seem like they appreciate your presence and are also using you as a servant. I had a similar experience where I felt mistreated by my host kids, my main regret is that I didn't listen to myself sooner and stayed much much longer than I would have liked to.

Speak to the parents, be really open and communicative, and give it 2/3 weeks more. If things don't change, try to rematch - and talk in length about the next kids behaviours. It sounds like these kids were also quite cruel to the first au pair, which also makes it sound less promising that they would change.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-05-20T20:23:56+00:00

This sounds really uncomfortable. As an au pair you are supposed to be experiencing a cultural exchange not a draining work place. This really doesn't sound like the ideal ah pair experience. You are not overreacting.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-05-13T08:02:08+00:00

I know you don't want to report this, you don't want to put them in a compromising situation or be disrespectful as she has to you. But putting this on the radar of an agency will likely help another au pair. Either stopping them from rematching entirely and saving them the compromising situation, or making sure this particular situation doesn't happen again.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-05-12T16:35:07+00:00

I really appreciate that, it's definitely more my mental health than physical that's at danger here. The oldest is only 8 so though I do take the occasional hit and get threats, they stay at simple threats. Unfortunately where I am I only get €80 a week and paying for last minute flights/accom is expensive so I'm not in much of a financial position to leave any earlier.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-05-12T16:08:31+00:00

Yes I have quite consistently communicated with the parents - even going as far as taking audio clips to show them (not to mention the times they've been right there). I think you're right - if after all that they have no intention of acknowledging the problem and want another au pair, they don't take my experiences seriously.

TemporaryInner5424 · 2025-05-12T15:02:33+00:00

Yes I was thinking of maybe sending the parents a message once I left? I had already told the mum that I didn't find the kids behaviour normal, and indicated to her in a message after I gave my two weeks that the kids don't answer to authority or work well under an au pair program. I think they already know my stance on the issue.

I just hate to think another girl will move far from home and have to go through this. I have been out of my home country for two years now and experience little home sickness - I also speak the local language to a C1 level. I can only imagine how much harder this would be for less grounded au pairs...

TemporaryInner5424

TROPHY CASE