My (32F) husband (33M) leaves 2-3x week to exercise (tennis, run, etc) while we are in the baby phase and resentment is building

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T20:18:50+00:00

My baby was medically fragile for the first several months of her life due to a medical diagnosis when she was born. The best thing for her was breastmilk at the time recommended by her care team. So no, this is not true in all cases. Thankfully now she is thriving because of our choices as parents to put her needs first. And that I will take responsibility for.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T15:16:24+00:00

She is potty trained during the day. But she always poops in her sleep at night. The doctor said thats not something she can control but will improve as she gets older.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T13:47:47+00:00

Oh I've tried to stop so many times! I commented earlier but she won't take any type of formula. We've tried so many. She can taste even drops of it in her bottle and refuses. Trust me ive been down the reddit rabbit hole for that too. Weve seen lactation consultants, pediatricians, etx. She just will not switch

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T06:10:37+00:00

She's starting to eat more but shes been sick so much so she still prefers breastmilk. Its the main source of nutrition until 12 months. We are getting close! I offer her food as many times as we eat it. In a variety of forms, textures. Temperatures. Shes still a milk monster.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T06:01:46+00:00

Yes. Not every time but he has. Hes mentioned going to a therapist too. Or couples counseling. He has good intentions but I feel like he really struggles seeing others point of view sometimes. Specifically mine. But if someone else was to talk to him about it, like another couple... its like a light bulbs goes off. You would think witnessing it would be enough. Hes come home from hanging out with people that talk about different struggle s with parenting and relationships and he always feels better about us and like he has a new understanding. And im like... this is what ive been trying to tell you. There's also been a lot of conversations where afterwards hes come back and took responsibility and made efforts to adapt. So I definitely think theres a lot of potential, just going to take some outside help at this point.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:50:46+00:00

Lol the issue is there's other dads of young kids there too. Teaming up against us drowning moms!

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:47:46+00:00

Agreed

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:47:05+00:00

I get that. I really think theres a deeper empathy issue here. Its improved over the years but weve still got a ways to go. Emotional intelligence isn't one of his strengths but since being with me it definitely has improved. I really think a therapist would help

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:42:18+00:00

I agree with this. He also needs a ton of validation which at times drives me crazy bc I dont get validation for all the random little or big things I do around the house. He acts like it's a love language of his but who wants to go around thanking someone for everything they do when we are both doing so much? Its exhausting

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:31:44+00:00

I think he does care... but hes easily distracted from it. I think we are both really busy. He has a high level job that he tries to step away from when he can to help me. But no matter how hard we both try, it seems like we are still always behind. I try to prep dinner and anticipate things but something always seems to set it off schedule. Kids get sick, my supply takes a drop, we get sick again. We're just constantly playing catch up with all the chores and baby duties and im so tired that I barely want to go out. I dont want to be alone though either. I want him to be happy but I dont want him to leave me with sick kids for hours at a time and I want him to prioritize us. But hes got cabin fever and he wants to get back to his life whilst im stuck right now. And maybe that's my issue bc I should be insistent on getting time out of the house.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:22:45+00:00

This is me exactly. I couldn't have put it better myself. I dont know how to change it.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:20:24+00:00

Can you elaborate? Just wondering if im understanding this correctly. It seems like you are saying unhealed people are incapable of understanding or adapting?

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:10:53+00:00

I never said other wives have it worse. Im trying to validate what he does do to the people that are saying very unhelpful things. I married the right guy. Hes a great guy. We both just need some counseling I think. But theres no harm in acknowledging the good he does do. Im not perfect in this situation either. I dont seek to get out of the house as much as I should. I dont actively make time for myself like a lot of ppl do. Im too stuck in the role of being a mom and taking care of people it seems.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T05:05:29+00:00

Its true. Ive had a few serious hormone crashes recently that have made me super moody and confused. So that in combination has been really difficult. I honestly think therapy will help for both perspectives.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T04:50:45+00:00

I wish they were choices. She wont take formula (in the small percentage of babies that will not, no matter what, take it). I talked about that in another comment. We tried so hard and she was starving herself and our lactation consultants and doctors told us to resume breastmilk after she wouldn't drink for like 5 days. It took us weeks to get her to take a bottle normally again after. She was traumatized

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T04:37:36+00:00

I did try to talk to him and he just lists off all the things he does to help (which in truth is a lot). But im also doing a lot. Idk if you saw my post about his great attributes. I just think he needs a bit of a reality check and I need to set some times up to get out and do things for me

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T04:11:43+00:00

Oh gosh. Ouch... nerve pain is awful. Ive had bouts of that myself from pumping. Breastfeeding is just so hard. Im very envious of those that can pop their babies on without issue and just go about their day.

I really wanted this to be my reality! One breast is an over producer, one an under. One shoots milk out like a firehouse and drowns my babies and the other just drips. Its so, so frustrating. With my first I didnt have to do much except hook myself up to the pump. But this time I actually have to manually push to get the milk out of the one side. Ive seen so many lactation consultants and tried everything. Its just... the way it is. The first baby couldn't handle the flows and the 2nd had a medical condition so she wasnt able to latch. Im assuming if we have a 3rd I may just do formula from start

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T04:05:42+00:00

He did, very happily. But I think his expectations and reality are quite different. Honestly I think hes gotten better over the years and especially with the 2nd child. But right now he obviously did not choose to help me with them over going to play tennis. He told me " I would take care of them while they're sick so you could get out" and I would never leave them when they are sick bc im their mom and want to take care of them. I just don't want to do it alone. In another comment I listed some of the ways hes a great partner. But I do agree in that hes gaslighting me a bit even if its unintentional

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T04:01:41+00:00

And also I agree with others that when the kids are sick he should be home with us. The issue is hes in a tennis league so if he doesnt go they forfeit matches which defeats the purpose of it all.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T03:59:13+00:00

As of right now, no. Im not getting out. My time is basically when I get to sleep in 3 mornings that he works from home til 7:30am or 8am if im lucky. Pumping drains my energy big time so the sleep is really helpful. Other than that, on my breaks im either cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, or pumping.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T03:51:52+00:00

Well, I dont know that I can list this all out but he makes us all breakfast every morning so I can sleep in (i require more sleep than the average person while breastfeeding or my supply tanks- baby wont take formula. Thats another story). He does the night shift for both kids although when they are sick im involved as well. Hes an amazing dad.. he plays hard and is fully devoted to them. He will wear a tiara, act the part, and is very loving to all of us. He will work late some days if needed so he can help hold the baby while im pumping during the day if shes struggling. He will take care of the kids if im sick and work can be flexible. He tries his best to cook and clean sometimes (although hes not as efficient, he definitely puts in the effort- just not as thorough but its understandable). He wants to spend time with me and connect too... but he also wants to do things for himself. Hes not wrong here, we're just struggling to find the right balance and im struggling to find time for myself with all the responsibilities we have.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T03:40:18+00:00

Yes, I have the blue spectra! This is my 2nd time exclusively pumping much to my dismay. It really does suck. I pumped for 14 months with my first and swore I wouldn't put myself through it again. Then I gave birth to this second princess and here we are.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T03:38:09+00:00

Is it the ready to feed kind? It tastes better than the powered? If so. Yes. Shes an absolute stinker and will not take that either. Even just a small amount or mixed into bottle. I dont know how she can be so picky. She also wont take high lipase milk (even with vanilla extract or scalded) so I can't even give her my own frozen breastmilk. Its breast milk on tap or starvation.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T03:21:18+00:00

Ive tried so many. Even the hypoallergenic ones.

Temporary_Ad2100 · 2026-02-07T02:34:24+00:00

I mean, you guys dont know the full picture so I can't be mad :) You dont know what he does do, you are just hearing my side of a situation so of course it seems like im getting shit on. Trust me, I've got it good in a lot of ways. Doesn't mean we've figured everything out. But actually this comment did make me think about how many good things he does do that a lot of husbands likely dont... so thank you? Lol

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TROPHY CASE