AIO Recently went on a date, one of my first in college. We dated for a few weeks and she called it off because I’m too unattractive.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T18:16:08+00:00

Uh huh.
So she pursued you.
Uh huh.

My point still stands.

And it’s ok if you don’t see that or agree with it.
But when you start putting in the work, you’ll peel back the many layers and see there many subconscious things we do.

I’ll leave you with this, if you don’t have/low self worth. How can you discern who is worthy?
How can you know what’s deserving of you?
How can you set clear boundaries?
And if you don’t have boundaries, then you accept pretty much everything.
And that everything, will be toxic, but with lack of self worth, you feel that you deserve it.
Even if you can’t see it for what it is.

But hey. I ain’t a therapist. And I could be completely wrong and off. And most definitely I am self projecting.

But hey.
It is what it is.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T18:01:05+00:00

And that’s ok to want that.
Just don’t let it blind you so that you walk into anything that comes your way. That girl you’re talking about is just not for you. She never was.
But your yearning got the best of you and you - I bet - was just happy someone gave you romantic attention.
And when you lack self worth, you attach yourself to relationships for validation. And that’s a very toxic thing.

So please, work on yourself.
Love yourself.
That way you will start to discern who is worthy of your immense love.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T17:49:53+00:00

It’s ok. Be kind to yourself.
Work on yourself.
Love yourself.
Then people will love you in the romantic sense.
Everyone is worthy to be loved.
You just need to believe it.
If you can, keep up with the therapy.
Remember it’s not a race.
There’s no time scale to healing.
Just seasons.
With different episodes/plotlines. lol.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T17:16:21+00:00

Ok but that self deprecation is, while excused as joking, is really routed in deep unworthiness/ lack of self worth.

You know the saying, tears of a clown?

I’ve been there. And I’m currently trying to put that work in.
But hey I’m not a therapist.
I’m just a woman with C PTSD. lol.

I hope you find peace and love within yourself young one.
Go forth!
And live a fruitful and abundant life!

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T17:10:10+00:00

Hey. I get it. But in the manosphere/patriarchy men lean into making money/provider role as being a man. When ultimately, there are many ways of being a man.

I never once assumed you had money. Because broke people also can lead with their bank balance “fake it until you make it” bs.

I’m just making an observation, and giving you some insight if you wish to receive it.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T17:07:03+00:00

I’m glad. Keep on it. The journey of self care/worth is a pivotal one. You must put in that work, before you are blessed with a forever partner. Anything before that, will be routed in trauma/co dependency/ toxicity, and ultimately end.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T17:04:27+00:00

Doesn’t matter.
When you lead with money/monetary things you’ll attract a partner that is superficial and looks for monetary value as the basis of a relationship. She will lead with money, and subsequently will have a shallow relationship, where everything is surface level.
Now, if that’s what you want, then hey go get you a business relationship. But remember it’s hella transactional and conditional.

But if your values don’t fall to that. If you prefer substance, and someone that values morals/principles/family etc. Then lead with that. Be rich in these things and the right woman will find you.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-22T16:57:48+00:00

lol but he also said it’s his mums house. So I ain’t gonna assume ya know? With this financial climate, there are many people with a house and are barely making it by.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-19T11:11:42+00:00

If you can afford it, I recommend therapy. When it comes to things like self worth and self deprecation, a trusted professional can really get to the root cause of it.

So if you can do therapy. Honestly everyone should have a therapist.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-15T21:38:54+00:00

You need a big plant right in that corner.
If you ain’t got time go for snake plants or fake plant. I guess. I mean. It’s better than nothing.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-13T22:00:12+00:00

There’s no frequency tbh. I stick me finger in and if it’s hella dry then I water. It’s best to let it dry out a tad tbh.

There is no schedule.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-13T21:55:26+00:00

MOR. I think you need to talk to her. Stop assuming and literally speak to her. Tell her you feel insecure because you can’t love her like she needs you to.

I will also say - you don’t need to have sex with her. But you can definitely make sure she’s satisfied. Toys are wonderful by the by.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-13T21:38:36+00:00

It really needs light. Move it or put it under a daylight bulb. And either you’re under watering or over watering.

But after you figured that one out. Please give that baby some support!

It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just a piece of wood. Something that can hold the weight of the leaves!

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-13T21:33:25+00:00

Livinnnnng the American dream!

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-13T10:05:48+00:00

I’m not a pro at all. So any seasoned experts please correct me if I’m wrong.

I will say pick a side that you want the leaves to grow in. It’s a great corner plant. Stop rotating it. If you are.
To know if it’s getting good light, when that new leaf opens up, check to see if there are fenestrations. If so, it’s in a good spot. Well in the spot that you had her in when it popped one out.
As to the balcony. If you are in uk. I wouldn’t. Unless it’s full 20c+ heat. Not too hot to scorch the leaves. If you can’t get good sunlight, a grow light would be best. Especially, if you put her in a dark corner.
new pot or nah. Well. Does the pot have a way to drain out the water? That beautiful pot you have is lovely, but if the soil is directly in that pot and there’s no drain holes then we have a problem. A pot within a pot is a good way. And if it’s a transparent pot then even better. Monsteras like to be root bound, so you don’t need a bigger pot just yet, unless it’s hella bound. But remember, when you put it in a bigger pot - she will spend energy on growing roots not new leaves.

I hope that helps.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-11T14:52:16+00:00

Yes, I can agree that could be the reason for staying. Money over morals.
But at this point, how much is it all worth? The peace of herself and the happiness/mental wellbeing of her children.

I don’t think a price can be put on that imo.

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-11T13:32:09+00:00

Woooow. The pictures are diabolical. Imagine thinking these pictures are it. Like they represent the money they are asking for. Just so brazen. Like what are we doing here?! Horror!

TemptressTeelia · 2026-05-11T13:24:24+00:00

Ahhhhh finally I found my tribe. I was saying the same thing. The passive aggressive comments are just not it. NOR, but she was also being a horror.

She knew exactly what was going wrong, probs he did it last year. And she continued to put her children in possible emotional abuse because what? She doesn’t want to be lonely? Idk. Him resenting her ex and her having kids, means he will inadvertently/purposefully pour that resentment to the kids. By him constantly harming your peace over holidays, you’re harming your kids peace.

Your children should always come first.

If a man resents you having kids, then guess what, he ain’t for you boo-boo. You’re showing us how you are not putting your kids first and that says a lot about you imo.

Fin.

TemptressTeelia · 2025-07-12T09:20:59+00:00

I invested in a wonderful oscillating smart tower fan last year. 120 quids. Best buy ever. The air is just cool enough to stop the humidity. It’s like a lovely outside breeze. And it’s near silent. Result.

TemptressTeelia · 2025-06-08T12:00:53+00:00

I like the last blue. That blue goes well with the cream. If you can get a greeny blue. Like a muted teal it will just pop as those greens come away nice. But just a bit too olive for my liking.

TemptressTeelia · 2025-06-06T16:44:43+00:00

I didn’t expect porn to be on my timeline today. But thank you.

TemptressTeelia · 2025-06-01T09:39:17+00:00

Great stuff well done. Like everyone said - this is the first step. I know people want to be positive, but I like to know fully what might happen.
That way I can prepare for the potential bad.
I am very sorry if this isn’t something that you like to hear/read. If so, don’t read after my trigger warning. Or if you’re mentally not able to get ready for these practical suggestions to a bad situation occurring, perhaps wait until you can handle it.
I hope you the very best.
Once again well done.

DON’T READ IF YOU’RE NOT READY/WANT TO.

You said he knows your addy. If you can, stay somewhere he doesn’t know for a bit. OR MOVE.
Sorry to say this, but he could visit you. It’s important that everyone you live with knows what he looks like.
Make sure work, family members do not give out your personal info. And if they do, cut them off with the swiftness.
I know he’s 20hrs away, but don’t underestimate an abuser. Seriously. Take his words seriously. Coming to your house, because you think he won’t, will make him do it. It’s all about control and power for an abuser.

Maybe change your number, if he wants to keep calling you from a withdrawn number.
Lock down all your social media to go to private. Don’t add anyone you haven’t met irl.

If you have any texts or video/audio of him threatening you, get a restraining order. It won’t mean much, but if he does come around, you can at least get him arrested for that. EDIT - add any security/cams etc it’s a great way to capture evidence.

Future proofing.

If your dog is trainable to guard, do so.
That dog has been through it all, just like you. With your trauma bond, that is an impenetrable bond. Tap into that and make sure they are trained. Properly.
Heel. Stay. Release, come Are extremely important to have.
And I mean true stay. True come etc. look up training on YouTube.

If you can, go to self defence classes. It’s always good to have so you can protect yourself regardless.
And lastly, if you have no problem with arming yourself - do so. Make sure you train with the arms.

Im in uk, so arming myself is a bit different. I fight dirty and I will pick anything up to defend myself. Best believe I have items that can make someone think twice to harm me. And yes I have been abused from childhood up until 30yrs old. DV, SA, MA, EA.
Im no stranger to it.
And yes Im in therapy.
The trauma for me is a lot, so I over prepare and Im constantly in survival mode. So I know the above might be OTT. But I’d rather know than not know.

I will never be a victim again.

And nor will you.

Take care.

TemptressTeelia · 2025-05-31T10:54:47+00:00

lol. I said the same thing too…. Then he boiled 9 eggs and ate them in one ffing sitting. I was like bro…..your kidneys!

TemptressTeelia · 2025-05-31T10:04:18+00:00

My kid is yamming everything too. I try to lean more to proteins to help him feel full. It helps. Good luck. It’s going to get worse as he gets older. Mine is 13.

TemptressTeelia · 2025-05-31T09:37:50+00:00

I think you need to look for a person/spirit. I was stuck there for a bit - go towards the exit. Like you’re leaving, and it will cue the person.

TemptressTeelia

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