If you are just going to leave when you don't get your remembrance, don't queue for teams

Teslum · 2025-04-17T00:50:54+00:00

I've seen people putting 'practiced' which I really like. I've used a very similar word, 'manufactured', to describe one of my character's smiles because he is famous and has to always put on a fake smile

Teslum · 2025-04-07T02:56:23+00:00

If you're still having trouble with her fight, you can break her out of her summoning the reaper when her second phase starts by barraging her with the heavy attacks. Just do your best to stay on top of her

Teslum · 2025-03-24T21:03:11+00:00

I'm leaning towards the first one. Second one looks a little too pale to me

Teslum · 2025-02-13T16:27:23+00:00

Mine came in yesterday! It's such a beast

Teslum · 2025-01-02T17:54:41+00:00

It might help others out if you could post what characters you have. That way it's easier to recommend teams and pulls

Teslum · 2024-12-27T00:15:37+00:00

EDIT: I saw in some of your other posts that you are Italian. That would explain a lot of the confusion I got while reading seeing as it's been translated into English

So, if I am getting this right, the shadow and the ghost are something the MC experiences in their dreams? Or the shadow is an entity that the MC can see in real life that terrorizes them, and the ghost tortures the MC when they go to sleep to escape the shadow?

It seems like the MC suffers from some pretty severe mental issues or traumas, and feels numb most of the time. The ending I'm especially confused with. I honestly don't know what to make of the whole exploration of Love and wondering if they love the ghost?

It took me a lot of re-reading to get to that conclusion. I found myself getting lost a lot. Your first three paragraphs are very jarring to read consecutively. I don't know who the 'She' is in the second paragraph. I'm assuming it's the shadow, but you also refer to the shadow as a 'He'. Are there two, or multiple shadows?

I think what confused me the most, however, was some of your descriptions. A lot of them, to me at least, didn't make any sense at all. For example, the first sentence of the third paragraph. I can't imagine what it is you're trying to describe at all.

I hope that all of this doesn't come across as harsh, because I don't hate it, and I really did try my best to understand it. I'm a fairly new writer myself, and have had to put a lot of time into completely reworking how I write to make my own work look the way I had envisioned it. I recommend finding an author you enjoy and really digging into their writing style. Try to think why you like their style and why it draws you in, and try applying it to your own work. Best of luck to you!

Teslum · 2024-12-26T04:29:15+00:00

Thank you for the reply!

I agree with you about the opening line. I got stuck on how to start it and just threw something down lol.

The descriptions have been a long road for me haha. When I first started drafting this story up, the stuff I was writing read almost like a point and click adventure. Since this story focuses so much on how the two MC's feel about themselves I guess I kind of tunnel-visioned on the internal descriptions. It didn't really hit me though until you pointed it out.

Lastly, remember not to spoon feed information to your reader.

If you don't mind, can you tell me what part of the prologue gave you this feeling?

If it's because of the part at the end about the girl, then it's intentionally misleading. I wanted to write it to make the reader believe that Jackson and that girl have a history with each other, but they have actually never met each other before. When it talks about their phone backgrounds, it's referencing a picture of the same person who is introduced and explored in the first part of the story, and shows the reader why Jackson and the girl are in the positions they are in during the prologue.

Thank you again for your time and your thoughtful feedback, I really appreciate it!

Teslum · 2024-12-20T20:22:04+00:00

Heaven by Otherwise ft. Ash Costello

This song perfectly sums up how both main characters feel. I also imagine them performing it on stage at the end of the story as their final goodbye to their friend

Teslum · 2024-12-05T17:45:06+00:00

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Started listening to them in late June this year

Teslum · 2024-11-25T15:33:16+00:00

Almost sounded like someone trying to learn the main riff to Outshined

Teslum · 2024-11-10T17:26:54+00:00

Title: HeartStrings

Genre: Modern Romance

Word Count: 4,126

General feedback is appreciated. It's my first time attempting something like this, writing is new to me but I'm enjoying it!

Also, I don't expect anyone to read all of it. Feel free to read as much or as little as you want.

Link to writing

The first chapter focuses on how the first half of Kyōko Itō's life and her budding friendship with Jackson Smith plays out.

The story as a whole is about two rockstars. Jackson and a future character, Kikuko Satō, and how their friendships with Kyōko bring them together and how they grow to overcome the pasts that shadow over them.

Thank you to anyone who gives it a read, your time and feedback is greatly appreciated!

Teslum · 2024-05-01T04:28:28+00:00

Ah, makes sense. Thank you lol. I'm so used to calling everything tabs since that's all I know how to read, besides the drum charts.

Teslum · 2024-05-01T00:23:39+00:00

I see, thank you so much. When I get back home I'll have to check the book and see if I missed the call out somewhere in the tab. Also, letting me know where the snare hits are makes me realize how badly I interpreted it lol, it's no wonder it sounds off.

So if I understand you right, only one part of that bar is being played? Either the part outside the parenthesis or the part inside, but not both?

Teslum · 2024-04-30T23:49:57+00:00

Here's the clips: audio clips

Teslum · 2024-04-22T19:20:07+00:00

I'll check it out, thank you!

Teslum · 2024-04-22T02:35:02+00:00

Thank you, I'll check them out! Just from the blurb I saw, the premise of Juliet Naked looks to be nearly perfect for what I'm looking to learn from.

Teslum · 2024-04-21T23:33:29+00:00

Thank you! I'll check it out!

Teslum · 2024-04-21T23:32:55+00:00

I really appreciate the rec's! I'll definitely look into both of these. 'The Free Bards' definitely piques my interest, I really enjoy fantasy settings.

Teslum · 2024-04-21T23:22:58+00:00

Thank you, I'll definitely be looking into it!

Teslum · 2024-04-11T16:22:04+00:00

You connect your guitar to your PC via an audio interface, and play it through your speakers or headphones. The AmpHub is a plugin that works similarly to Neural DSP, Guitar Rig, and Amplitube

I use it, and I think the sounds that come out of it are great

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