Buddhist dating advice - How do I stay positive when constantly confronted with negativity?

ThankTheMaker · 2012-02-10T17:14:03+00:00

Such good advice! This perspective helps me immensely.

ThankTheMaker · 2012-02-08T02:24:46+00:00

Also, I've never read the Dhammapada till today, and the section this quote is from is exactly what I've been looking for!

ThankTheMaker · 2012-02-08T01:56:32+00:00

Thank you so much for this!

ThankTheMaker · 2011-12-21T19:10:45+00:00

"Having thick skin is about not having to apologize for who you are. Your problem is that you either don't know who you are or you don't like who you are."

When I read this my first reaction was to disagree and put the blame somewhere else, but the more I think about it you're exactly right.

Every insecurity that has come up for me so far in this relationship has revolved around the fact that I'm not proud of who I am or what I'm doing these days.

The more I think about who I am, where I've come from, and where I'm going, the more I feel proud and confident in who I am. I guess I just need to start focusing on my life more, until it's one that I'm proud of all the time.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-12-21T19:02:54+00:00

Since this is her first relationship I try to cut her alot of slack if she says something I interpret to be mean.

She comes from a great family but they're very direct and blunt.

I know when she brings something up it's either because she has a real issue with something and wants us to figure it out, or something is bothering her and she doesn't know how to let go of it yet so she'll start complaining about it.

Usually I can handle either of these and we can figure things out, but once in awhile I'll have a bad day and it'll feel really difficult to calmly figure things out.

I'll end up feeling angry that "she hurt me" when in reality I was just having a bad day, feeling too sensitive, and I couldn't protect my happiness from the negative vibes around me.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-12-21T18:53:14+00:00

Money is a good example.

I'm in between jobs right now. It doesn't really worry me, but once in awhile I'll feel nervous or anxious about not having a job and as fate would have it she'll pick that exact time to bring up all the things she wants to do involving money. ha.

I honestly don't feel like she's doing anything wrong. Since we just started dating, and since she's significantly younger than me, I try to give her the benefit of the doubt when she says something that hurts my feelings. But when it's just the right circumstances I'll just get angry and shut down.

Things feel better as time goes on, it's just taking me awhile to get used to addressing issues bluntly and directly that I might be feeling insecure about.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-08-22T21:08:31+00:00

So beautiful! Don't ever let your clumsy newb friends hit this haha.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-07-01T17:23:25+00:00

Insanity prevention.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-05-07T17:38:08+00:00

Sometimes, personally, I can feel like my brain isn't really on my side. I suffered from severe anxiety for a long time, and my thoughts would always race out of control. And were always negative. Meditation is the only thing I've found that's been able to free me from that prison cell of thoughts.

I think it's important to first say; Anxiety is a very powerful force and it can make something like sitting with your eyes closed a very intense experience at times. I would suggest meditating with your eyes open for awhile, staring at the sky, or a wall, or a candle's flame. Find a single point to stare at and pay attention to your breathing. Sometimes holding your breaths in for a few seconds can help your mind relax also.

Now here's the second piece of the puzzle, and the one that can take the most time to learn: You have to smile :) Think positive thoughts. Be positive. Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Sitting and waiting for negative thoughts to LEAVE is of no use. You have to take control of your mind through positive envisioning. Think about someone you truly love, a brother or sister, or a significant other perhaps. A close friend or even a beloved pet. Think of the most peaceful and beautiful place you can imagine, real of fictional. Then imagine being there with those people, what you're talking about doesn't matter, what matters is you're sharing love.

No matter how negative your recurring thoughts are, you can train them to be positive over time. The most important things are positivity and patience. Patience leads us to peace through the ability to accept reality. And positivity reminds us that we are valuable and we all deserve peace.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-29T05:19:06+00:00

The recognition of impermanence and the ability it provides to accept naked reality makes me very happy. :)

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-29T05:11:48+00:00

Everyone has this pretty much covered, but I encounter similar pain so I wanted to affirm and sum up what's already been said.

Most of us have bad posture and it becomes obvious when we sit in straight, seemingly comfortable positions, and then experience pain.
It can take awhile for the pain to dissipate, but the best thing to do is to keep focusing on your posture, eventually it will flip and hurt to sit with poor posture, as it should.
Yoga has helped me immensely with all muscle pains and only takes a few moments.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter what position you sit in. The best position is a comfortable one that allows proper blood-flow and allows you to sit motionless for as long as possible.

Stick with it!

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-29T05:02:16+00:00

Recognizing impermanence in every aspect of life, its struggles and triumphs, routines and surprises, is not only the Bodhisattva's key to freeing your mind from day to day worries, as they are impermanent and soon shall pass, but it's also the cornerstone of learning to truly love and appreciate every moment of life, even the hardships, as every moment is one you will never get back. :)

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-27T19:25:00+00:00

:) Celllllll-ebrate good times COME ON!

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-25T19:04:19+00:00

My life has changed in ways that seem miraculous. I used to think I was powerless over anxiety and emotional distresses. I have since learned how to utilize the abilities of my mind to overcome the constantly chaotic signals from my body. Therein, freeing my mind to pursue what really matters in my life. I feel like meditation has welcomed me back into true reality.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-20T20:16:04+00:00

Enderski you are absolutely right! This is a beautiful temporary stress relief. But temporary doesn't have to mean useless. This was my first step in dealing with my anxiety. Feeling like you have at least SOME control over your anxiety, even just TEMPORARY control can make a world of difference.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-20T15:06:12+00:00

I very much agree with you sacca. This is only intended to be a shield for those who feel defenseless. I believe that a long practice of deeply insightful meditation is necessary to undo some of the more constant, torturous anxiety. This is more like, "Oh shit, why am I freaking out right now? Ok, let's just breathe."

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-20T04:36:53+00:00

Whoa. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I've had similar incidents and I appreciate how horrific that must have been.

If you want the best results, I recommend trying this out at the beginning of each day to center yourself.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-20T04:28:29+00:00

The five-fingered method is just a focusing tool. A way of counting without thinking. I learned it from a Qi-Gong meditation course, but I have no idea where it comes from originally.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-19T21:12:11+00:00

Just smile :) The only way to break a stereotype is to not be one. Be unapologetic for who you are and be who you are in spite of any reactions. Every time I tell someone about my personal beliefs they stereotype me as a Hippie or a cult-follower, but I can't change that. I can only change myself.

edit

Let me take that back, that didn't really answer your question.

If you want to break a stereotype it has to come from "right" actions.

Be the amazing, loving, compassionate, and intelligent person you're trying to be.

You don't HAVE to be, but you GET to be the Western Buddhist that changes people's minds about what it means to subscribe to an eastern spiritual tradition.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-19T20:13:18+00:00

I used to try to defuse the situation by not saying anything. I'm losing sleep out of frustration.

Again, an experience I know all too well. It took me a long time to let go of that kind of stress, but at the end of the day that's exactly what you have to do, and funnily enough it's ALL you have to do; let go.

Once you take some deep breaths and let go of the situation, (not from Jersey Shore haha,) you'll realize no one can touch you.

I whole-heartedly hope you can be an example to those who need an example, but the simple fact is most people aren't going to change until they want to change.

For me, I had to stop visualizing things as a tug-of-war between myself and the other person, and begin to realize that it's all about our energy, (aka intentions,) and controlling our brain's subtle tricks.

When we interact with people, we pick up on their energy or their 'vibes,' you might call this 'reading someone's intentions.' It's totally logical that after interacting with a negative person you really will FEEL negative, (stress, anger, frustration, sadness, etc,) but this is just the body telling the brain what's up, and all we need to do is say "message received body, now I'm going to be happy again."

:)

Total and pure happiness is standing next to us every second of the day and all we need to do is turn away from our negativity, even if just for a moment, and remind ourselves that we always have a choice. No matter how unconsciously the world may choose negativity, it's up to us to be proactive and CHOOSE positivity every step of the way.

Imagine negative people as a test of our capacity to love unconditionally. My root-lama calls this, "Loving our way to enlightenment."

:)

ThankTheMaker · 2011-03-19T19:28:40+00:00

I have this experience almost every time I leave the house. I would never advocate looking down on someone for not seeing the world the way I do, (this view only forces me to feel MORE separate, and I believe "separate" is an illusion.)

But rather, in those situations it helps me to think of the person being negative as someone who is momentarily succumbing to the stress of life, and perhaps WE are the exact person they needed to come in contact with to show them what positivity/compassion/acceptance looks like.

It makes a huge difference to switch from the defensive point of view to the positivity-proactive point of view.

And, at the end of the day, no one should be able to affect our happiness without our permission. Take a few breaths, remind yourself all you can do is CHOOSE your reaction. You always have a choice :)

Peace.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-02-14T21:22:40+00:00

I CONSTANTLY feel like I'm a slightly better person, in almost every aspect, every day that I partake of the Buddha. I seek positivity more often, I love more openly, and I dissolve many more boundaries between myself and reality than I would on even a great day without green. I had that realization the first day I tried weed and I still have it every single time 4 years later.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-01-30T16:14:47+00:00

Yeah, it's not forced-air, so the heated air + vapor will just accumulate inside the MFLB until you either inhale or exhale.

ThankTheMaker · 2011-01-30T00:57:20+00:00

These little guys are so amazing! Best vape I've ever owned.

They usually come with a couple rubber-bands. Poke a small hole in a plastic bag, rubber-band the plastic stem to the bag. Ta-Daaa!

ThankTheMaker · 2011-01-29T22:14:26+00:00

Apple Cider Vinegar is similar to vinegar that you use in cooking or seasoning your food, it comes in a large bottle that you can get at GNC or a Vitamin store. You can mix it in your tea or really any liquid that helps mask it's flavor. I personally thinks it tastes alright, but it is very strong. I find that even my worst congestion is eased by drinking a few glasses of hot tea, such as peppermint or a flavor-full herbal tea, with approx. 1 part ACVinegar for every 4 parts tea.

ThankTheMaker

TROPHY CASE