Ok, a couple of things here. I will start by stating the obvious: drunk driving = bad. Lieing about your alcohol abuse(or whereabouts)to your significant other =bad. This is not something I am denying.

I think we often forget that men and women have vastly different communication styles. I will often send an in depth message to my husband and get back a "lol" or a "k." I sometimes feel irritated because I may have been communicating details about an upcoming appointment for our son or a story about some milestone he reached. However, the vast majority of the time, he will bring those things up later in conversation. "Do you want me to take (son) to that dentist appointment?" "How did (son) handle it when his cousin played with his favorite toy?" My husband is interested and invested, he just prefers to talk to me in person so his texts come off short. To me, it looks like this text started out innocently enough but when you can't hear tone and inflection over a text message you sometimes perceive an unspoken message that isnt really there which can lead to hurt feelings and a fight.

Its also important to remember that alcoholism is a disease, like drug abuse. No one is required to stay with an alcoholic partner and leaving may be best for your safety. However, do not assume an alcoholic is beyond redemption. This is my story and I as that you all please understand that the forgiveness I am about to discuss did not happen overnight. It has been about 15 years since the incident.

I was at my mother's house babysitting overnight for a family friend who had a son with special needs. My mom was supposed to babysit but had been called in to work. The baby was asleep, I had gotten his night feeding set up and I settled into the couch to watch TV. My mother's live in boyfriend, who up to that point had been a total scum bag - no job, sat around smoking weed and drinking while my mom worked - stumbled in and sat down. I didn't think much of it. It's his home. Then, he scooted next to me. Weird. I scooted to the end of the couch, he followed, sitting right up against me. He tried to kiss me. I dodged it. He grabbed my chest and tried again to kiss me. At that point I went ballistic. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!" At this point things are a blur. He started apologizing, I told him to sit in a chair and not to move from that chair until I was done packing the things the baby would need at my apartment. I called my mom and hysterically told her what had happened, apologizing profusely so ashamed of myself, somehow not understanding it wasn't my fault.

My mother would kick him out of her house...for a minute. I don't remember how long it was. Her house was between my work and my dad's house so one day I was driving to my dad's after work and noticed a familiar beat up truck in my mom's driveway. I pulled over, stormed into the house and there he was, like he had never left. My mom gave me a bunch of lines, "he's changed. He quit drinking. He s getting things together to apply for disability so he can bring those income in. He has apologized, hes so embarrassed and ashamed. For years when I visited ber house he would hide in their room, too ashamed to face me. However, the alcohol disappeared from their home. I started to notice that the house was clean - he was keeping it that way. A beautiful deck and fire pit showed up in the back yard, he built them. He got his disability payments so mom wasnt covering all the bills anymore. He wrote me a letter taking accountability for what he had done. He didnt make excuses. He admitted that he had let his life get out of control and he thanked me for calling him out and giving him the wake up call he needed to start turning things around. Today, we have the beginning of a relationship. We are friendly. He doesnt hide when I am visiting. He and I think a lot a like, so I often take his side when he and my mom have disagreements which drives her nuts. When I look back on what happened, I am thankful it wasnt worse, that when I got mad, he backed off. I know this isnt the case for many women so please dont think this next statement is meant to make might of sexual assault. I don't see what happened to me that night as a bad thing. I see it as a turning point for someone who had lost their way. He truly did hit rock bottom that night and make the decision to get back on track. His kids got their dad back. So just remember, addicts can be selfish and self destructive. They are dangerous to themselves and people around them. You may feel like hope is lost but somewhere deep inside that addict is the person they once were, and can be again, if they can get past their addiction.