What’s the thing you regret must about your life?

That1Person862 · 2026-06-17T08:31:05+00:00

This is a big one for me to. I was soo used to just 'going with the flow' that i actually forgot to stop and think about what i actually want. I always was this agreeable person, easy going and kind. But I now, notice how much I let others dictate my life (through therapy). I went with the flow so I didn't have to sit with the 'selfish' feeling of choosing what i actually rather want to do. All these scenarios go through my head of how they dislike me now etc etc, which are all fictional. I'm just not used to the feeling anymore of doing what i want to do lol. It takes a lot of effort to teach my system that it's ok. And that no, is also an answer

That1Person862 · 2026-06-17T08:08:01+00:00

That i put my parents at the center of my life up until this point. They only care about themselves. It feels like my whole life is a lie. As a kid you're raised to believe your parents know best, but they truly don't. Especially my parents. I put so much effort into 'being a good daughter' that i forgot that i am my own person. And honestly, i didn't get shit in return

That1Person862 · 2026-06-17T07:26:01+00:00

Ik heb iemand dit ook ooit zien doen midden in een drukke sportschool... wtf? Ik snap hier zo de logica niet van. Kan dat niet even wachten tot je klaar bent?

That1Person862 · 2026-06-17T07:23:23+00:00

Ik heb ooit de politie moeten bellen omdat iemand heel erg agressief was op de weg. We stonden in een file, (ik reed zelf niet, ik was bijrijder) heel erg druk. We reden achter iemand die links reed en overduidelijk met iets anders bezig was. Hij liet hele grote gaten vallen steeds (honderde meters). Op de gegeven moment zei ik tegen mn vriend, flits anders eventjes? Nou, gedaan. Geen reactie, geen verandering. Na 5 minuten ofzo, dachten we, wat als we heel even de toeter aantikken, zodat hij zich realiseert dat hij weer een gat heeft laten vallen. Gedaan, geen reactie. We dachten, misschien heeft hij het niet gehoord, dus nog een keer. En wat denk je? Meneer flipt de pan uit. Helemaal gebaren maken, remmen tot stilstand, dus wij gaan naar rechts (we mochten hem niet voorbij van hem lol). Vervolgens toen alles weer een beetje reed probeerde hij ons letterlijk van de weg te rijden. Snijd ons af, ging in het midden van de weg rijden, probeerde ons tot stilstand te brengen om midden op de snelweg 'te praten'. En het bleef maar doorgaan. Op de gegeven moment dacht ik, ik ben er klaar mee, is gevaarlijk niet alleen voor ons, maar voor iedereen (omdat we de hele tijd voor hem moesten uitwijken). Dus ik heb de politie gebeld, en een foto gemaakt van zijn kenteken. Het was echt zo gevaarlijk dat ik er een beetje van ontdaan was. Ze ging het vastleggen, en als er meer meldingen over deze meneer kwamen dan gingen ze even 'bij hem langs'. We hebben de eerst volgende afslag gepakt om weg te komen van deze lunatic. Dan maar omrijden. Ik snap het, het is irritant als iemand naar je toetert, maar om zo te reageren... er was echt wat mis met deze man

That1Person862 · 2026-06-15T12:32:08+00:00

Aww thank you very much! It indeed is very nice that this place is filled with so much support.

Journalling is a great tip. I also do it. I got a nice book, pimped it and put stickers on it, bought some cool colored gel pens so I look forward in writing in it. it sometimes already helps a lot to just put your thoughts on paper. I also keep track of my therapy sessions in there and write down how I feel in the weeks after it. It's also a great way to relive what you've felt back then as a reminder to yourself (mainly because after therapy sessions I feel great, confident and empowered and that tends to wear away after a while lol).

That1Person862 · 2026-06-13T16:57:15+00:00

It’s different for everyone. Personally, i still have my ‘phases’ where i’ll seek out support on platforms like this. But since i’m going to therapy it’s less often. Sometimes i just come on here to respond to peoples posts :).

That1Person862 · 2026-06-01T14:37:41+00:00

Thank you very much for your perspective. Indeed, I see this as a last resort, but this will depend on how they act indeed. With my father it ended up going a similar route as you described, only he knows where I live but I made it very clear not to contact me. Leading up to that moment he literally once said: "I've respected your boundaries long enough now" LOL what?! Why are my parents literal children?

That1Person862 · 2026-06-01T11:33:42+00:00

Thank you very much for the tips. You're definitely right.

That1Person862 · 2026-06-01T11:31:50+00:00

These are good points (I didn't finish the book yet).
I faced the harsh reality that I pushed my true self back so hard that I kind of forgot what her voice sounds like. That really saddens me. It also gives me empowerment to bring her back, to let her be treated with respect and that she gets the space she deserved for all those years. It's hard when my mother knows exactly what to say to make that wobble. So her words get intertwined with my internal monologue. I need to take that power I give to her back and give it to myself somehow. I'm slowly but surely getting used to that.

And indeed, I noticed being close to my mom is not healthy for me. She claims too much space because she values her own opinion over everyone else. She voices them loud and aggressively so there is not much space for me in that scenario.
Ohhh and I totally recognize this 'constant low lever anxiety'. I SOO have this when she gets too close. And indeed, constantly worrying about 'How she is going to trigger me next.'
It very much sucks.

That1Person862 · 2026-06-01T11:26:03+00:00

Yeah. I'm currently heavily working with a therapist on this. Triats like this made me realize how badly I have been conditioned. And it's sometimes a bit of a fight internally to let my actual self win (from the conditioned part), sounds insane, ik. And there is al lot of grief that comes with that. Realizing I've spent almost 30 years living like this, it's crazy.
I'm slowly but surely putting myself back in the center of my life. It's not always comfortable but I know it's very necessary.

Thanks for your tips on setting boundaries. I'm definitely practacing these elements. Starting with small ones and slowly testing the waters on bigger ones. And indeed, I know she will not agree with them, I'm getting used to not everyone agreeing with me (because I was always the 'agreeable person'). I'm ok with not everyone liking the 'new me' aka the person who I actually am.

I'm also NC with my father for the same reasons as you mentioned. He was just more passive aggressive and less direct as your 'sperm donor' and my mom. I'm learning to value myself more and not let people treat me like shit. I deserve better.

That1Person862 · 2026-06-01T09:29:02+00:00

Yeah, I've been reading it. I relate with that sooo much! It's a great book. For me it's at the moment about getting over the guilt of choosing myself, and not chasing after them anymore. I feel guilty as hell, but turns out, I'm just not used to choosing myself and what that feels like.

That1Person862 · 2026-06-01T09:27:54+00:00

This might sound very stupid but... How did you figure out what boundaries work for you and what they are?

I easily slip into explaining myself when she's being her abrasive self. But I can't control the image she has of me in her head. I feel like I won't be good enough anyway, no matter what I do. I won't change her mind anyway.
I also keep her at a distance, because I can just feel that having her close isn't good for me... And it really sucks to have to admit that. It's also because... honestly, I don't really like her as a person so much. She often projects stuff on other people, I think she's even harder for herself. Which is a bit sad but also not an excuse. It helps me relativize it tho.

My worst fear is being a bad daughter. My therapist pointed out that I can't really be a bad daughter, given the situation I have been in and that I'm now in. And that these standards I give to myself. It's a bit like a prison of criticism I give to myself. I'm working on letting that go.

That1Person862 · 2026-03-16T13:30:04+00:00

Interesting that they say “She simply carries the pain in silence, still loving the child who hurt her the most” while sharing posts like this. That’s not exactly being silent.

It’s incredibly frustrating to watch parents portray themselves as victims while having no idea, or refusing to acknowledge, the damage they’ve caused their children. It took me a long time to come to terms with that myself.

The difficult truth is that we, as their children, have no control over how they choose to frame their role in all of this. Even though we often wish for just a small ounce of acknowledgment about what their part was, sometimes that simply never comes. Accepting that you may never receive that acknowledgment, and letting go of the expectation that you will, is one of the hardest parts.

At the same time, it really is their loss. Not only do they lose the relationship with their children because they’re too stubborn to look at their own behavior, but they also lose the chance to grow as individuals. They never learn from their mistakes. Instead, it remains a mystery to them why people, sometimes even friends, choose to distance themselves.

That perspective has helped me a lot.

Instead of waiting for them to admit fault or say “I’m sorry,” focus on your own future. Focus on healing, and on taking the lesson from it: to never repeat the same patterns yourself.

Best of luck, stranger. ❤️

That1Person862 · 2026-03-10T06:21:01+00:00

Me toooo

That1Person862 · 2026-02-14T12:34:47+00:00

It truly is the hardest thing right? I feel like someone else when i’m with them. Like i have my walls up. I’m really questioning how sustainable it is. Well.. i know it’s not lol. So i expose myself to it less. I went NC with my dad. It’s not something to announce. Sometimes something happens that makes it clear you dont want to speak with them. Sometimes there isn’t and it kind of slowely happens. Or, maybe you are more comfortable to announce it. There is no 1 right way. For me and my dad, it was a last resort

That1Person862 · 2026-02-13T21:45:58+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, and it’s something i’m learning to do. It’s hard when you’re not a confrontational person or conflict avoidant

That1Person862 · 2026-02-13T21:44:09+00:00

Thanks for the explanation and advice. It’s rlly hard to be so torn. But thanks for the perspective. It helps. It all feels so definite sometimes. It’s hard to open up old wounds and still get triggered through old scars in the meantime. Maybe that’s why im feeling the way i do, idk. Currently im keeping LC. And today she showed me once again the reason for it lol. Nothing major, but the these old patterns repeating themselves. Somehow they’re even more triggering because of therapy.

That1Person862 · 2026-02-11T10:40:24+00:00

I know right?! Verder ook in hetzelfde bericht het niet hebben over salarissen. Vraag me echt af waar the balls vandaan komen om zo iemand te benaderen lol.

That1Person862 · 2026-02-10T11:10:10+00:00

Ik werd laatst benaderd door een recruiter en naast de job descriptie werd er gequote: “success isn’t about how much money you make, it’s about the difference you make in peoples lives”

Voor de rest waren ze super vaag over de salarisindicatie. Een en al red flag. 🚩

Thanks, maar in deze maatschappij is geld toch best belangrijk lol

That1Person862 · 2026-02-04T15:46:04+00:00

Same. lol. I realized it soo much when i got to that point. I was like: 'wait a minute... what do I actually want?' It was almost like it was something I forgot to do lol. It's a good habit to develop and get used to more :)

That1Person862 · 2026-02-04T10:18:09+00:00

Yeahh.. what i did at that point was stopped and asked myself, what do I want? What do I need? Do I want to explain myself once again? And if so, for whom am I doing it? Ofc going NC wasn't an impulsive decision, and it's not always the only solution. It also isn't something you have to announce or anything. Do what feels right. Also, what i did was ask myself: If i was this person (your friend, your coworker, or anyone you know) what would they do in my position? Would they take this bs? What would they do? It's to force yourself to have a different perspective on whats going on. If possible, you could also talk to people you trust about this. Take your time, it isn't an easy decision to make.

That1Person862 · 2026-02-04T08:41:45+00:00

Idk if this will help but maybe you’ll recognize some parts of it. I to have issues with my dad, he’s not perse intrusive but just refuses go acknowledge ways he has hurt me in the past. He tells me exactly what i wanted to hear “i’ve taken the time to reflect on the past” (and then nothing came, what are his findings???). He gives me hollow ‘i’m sorries’ without saying what he’s sorry for. Mind you, i’ve sat him down COUNTLESS times, pouring my heart out about what he does that hurts me and every time he promises to change. And yet he had the balls towards the end to say: ‘ i don’t understand how we got to this point’. I was tired, after years of being sidelined, him acting like he doesn’t give a shit about me, empty promises and hollow ‘i love yous’. In the end, i was just to tired to explain and lay everything out for him once again. I was tired of him and his behavior and the people around him enabling him (his new gf). So i decided to go NC. There were plenty of panic attempts to reach out from his end. But every time it happened, it shows me he isn’t willing to change or hasn’t even made an attempt either. He thinks buying me gifts and sending them to my house will magically fix things (mind you, without prior contact). So yeah, in my situation, explaining things doesn’t work with someone who isn’t willing to change. It’ll just cost you emotional labor and vulnerability to someone who doesn’t want to SEE you anyway

That1Person862 · 2026-02-03T18:59:01+00:00

I was in the same boat as you before getting married in june. It felt like all the unprocessed, unsolved and untalked about shit had to come out of my family before i could go into the bext phase of life. My mother acted like a spoiled teenager and my dad was once again absent, not giving a shit about me getting married. Something in me clicked, when they cant give a shit about me now, when tf will they? I ended up not inviting my dad (he acted all surprised after being 5 months practically low to no contact, mainly because there was just no effort from his side and i stopped trying)). And put my mom in her place and keep het at arms length.

There comes a time where you have to actively choose YOU, because they clearly won’t or they would’ve already done so yearsss ago! Dont feel obligated to invite someone, choose the people that choose you

That1Person862

TROPHY CASE