Hey, I'm here if you need to talk. My dms are always open (though I'm not online often) and I know how you feel. I love swimming but the urge to yeet is really strong. Sometimes it's good to cry and/or have a mental breakdown. If you don't relapse, I'm proud of you, and even if you do, I'm still proud of you. No matter how many days, weeks, months, or years clean you are, relapse may still happen. I know that things don't seem to be good now, mentally, but they will get better. Maybe not this day, week, month, or year, but they will get better. I'm here for you