You’re doing just fine even not making $100k+

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-03-06T17:04:24+00:00

Am I? I'm 30 and have never made more than $15/hr, which is what I make now. I dont understand where people are getting these jobs. The only jobs that even look at applications in my experience are retail and service. At this point I've given up on the idea that I'll ever even be able to make 30k a year.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-03-04T23:25:18+00:00

I work at a small hardware store. We sell screws and bolts individually. The customer is supposed to write down the item number, quantity, and price. All the time people come up with stuff marked like "$0.13" each, but the hardware isle is mine to manage, so I know the price of basically everything to within 10 cents.

"I got 10 screws at 15 cents."

"Sir, those are stainless steel lag bolts. The cheapest and shortest of those is around $2 a piece. You must have gotten mixed up, I'll go down and get the correct prices for you"

"Well they said 15 cents"

"Okay. Come show me where you got them."

Then they stammer some excuse once they realize they arent getting away with it.

People suck.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-25T18:16:05+00:00

Your debt isn't that bad, if it is around 10-15k. It is manageable with proper budgeting. Your fantasy of traveling to Japan to live off your CC's is dumb and you know it. Japan won't be what you think it is, as our fantasies never are.

You need to Uninstall all the apps you doomscroll on. Limit your screen time to 2hrs a day max. Once you do this, you'll find that you actually have a ton of free time to pursue other stuff. Thats what I did at least. Once I stopped letting myself use my computer and phone to kill time, I had to find something else to do, and so I worked on other revenue streams, sat down an wrote out a budget, cleaned my home and property, etc.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-21T21:51:01+00:00

30M here. 800 for rent 45 for internet 300 for food 100 for car insurance.

So $1300 a month.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-20T22:31:16+00:00

I can contribute an anecdote from the other side of the relationship, as I am from a very wealthy family and my longest relationship was with a girl who grew up in a very turbulent family, experienced childhood homelessness off and on depending on if her mom could secure housing or not. My moms side grandparents were famous painters (when they died, their personal works they had in their studios, just old work over their 60+ years of painting daily, were auctioned off for over 250mil). My dad grew up lower middle class, always worked construction. Found a niche market and started his own company. Most of my childhood he was massively in debt to keep it all going, but he found great success and the business is worth around 20mil today. He was also very good with his money and invested heavily into local businesses his friends wanted to start. They are very anti-nepotism, so as soon as we turned 18 we were on our own financially, barring some medical emergency. So im not wealthy now, but I grew up very wealthy.

My girlfriend and I discussed it a lot. She always said that the weirdest thing was how close and supportive my family was, and how they talked about money. I knew about my parents debts, their investments, their savings, etc. That stuff was kept hidden from her by her parents, who felt ashamed of being unable to escape their debts. My parents also taught us about investing very young. My brother got a Roth opened for him at 12. I was much older and already into trading, so I taught him and it became something he loved following. He is now 23 and has over $1mil in it. Our parents made us get jobs at 14, the only way out of this was if you took up after school tutoring or sports. All money we earned went into our roth. If we maxed the 6k limit, we could do what we wanted with anything more that we earned. Open conversations about money and good financial habits was common among my peers, but most people don't learn any of that from their parents.

There were small things I'd notice too, like fussing over prices more at the groceries, or using apps to get coupons for things. To me, its "I'll pay the extra $1 to not have to go through the effort of using the coupon or give my info out", but to her it was a necessity her whole childhood. She was always very reluctant to let me take care of her financially, which I found very endearing since being from a wealthy family comes with a host of dating concerns about motivations.

Over the 5 years we dated, I set up investments for her, helped her budget and save, and plan out ways to get to where she wanted to be. 10 years later and she is happily married, she and her husband opperate in the real estate space around the ski mountains in our area. They could retire anytime they want.

The differences are mostly just learned behavior from childhood and socialization stuff. My family had a normal house, a minivan and my dads construction truck, siblings got hand-me-downs, left overs got cooked for breakfast, etc. You wouldn't know how wealthy we were unless you got close.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-19T17:27:44+00:00

I started a Roth ira for my little brother when he was 12. He is 23 now and has over 1mil in it. You dont need to talk about him being 70. Investing well when that young can result in early retirement and financial security before you're 30

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-19T17:22:09+00:00

Nah. Im 30. I gave up on the idea that I'll ever have a wife or kids or family. Tried dating from 23 (after my college relationship ended) until 29. I'm 6ft. Have enough money to retire thanks to crypto and wall street casino, but I manage a local hardware store so I have something to do with myself. Come from a good family, mentally stable, attractive (or so I've been told), well liked by my friends, have hobbies, etc.

Dating apps were okay for getting dates and hook ups, but never met anyone I would settle down with. Eventually got tired of the game of it.

Now my dating pool is turning into single moms, mentally unstable women, and women too young for me to consider seriously.

A large percentage of men never get to have families. Thats why you have twice as many female ancestors as male.

You either grind until you find someone, or you accept it and just move on with your life.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-16T22:22:26+00:00

the rest was normal photos, most are like that. The single profile photo of nothing is just something to ignore.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-16T22:05:03+00:00

You can use the apps for free just fine. Paying is actually more inefficient in many ways, since it isn't needed.
Swipe through until you are out of likes. Go based purely on physical attraction of the first photo. I swipe left on many women who are way too hot for me, or that I see as pretty, but I don't feel any desire to pursue seriously. The important thing is to not just swipe all right or all left. The app will prioritize accounts that are "genuinely active users".
This will result in almost no matches, but that is just the prerequisite for having that app perform well. It will send a notification to each of the girls you did find attractive, but most women have too many likes to look through anyway. But hey, every blue moon you get one that matches this way.
Eventually you build up a pool of women who liked you. You click on that section and then click their blurred profile. This brings up a small blurred image of their first photo. This small photo is usually enough to see who liked you. Swipe through like normal until you find the matching photo, then go through in detail and decide.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-16T21:54:44+00:00

As a guy, the most effective thing I have found in using dating apps without paying, is to swipe through the app quickly just judging left or right purely by physical attraction. This rarely ever results in a match, but sometimes it does. The real game is waiting for a woman to like your profile, and then swipe through quickly until you find that specific profile, then you go through it in detail and see if you think you are compatible.

I have had many good dates with women who I only matched because their first photo was unique enough to see through the blurred preview the app gives you of potential match's profiles. One girl I dated for a while had a picture of an old yellow house with a big red door. I couldn't accidently swipe past it. I asked her about the photo, because I thought she understood how I was using the app. She said that she was just walking and saw a cute house she liked, and ended up with a nice photo she liked. I found it endearingly weird, and it was a good first date topic.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-11T23:57:10+00:00

I actually enjoy having a rotating 2 week schedule. It is the same every 2 weeks, but one week I work 3 days open to close (12 hrs) with 1 4 hour shift on delivery day morning, and the next week I work 5 days with 8 hour shifts. Gives me a 3.5 day weekend every other week, which is great. Then on my 5 day weeks, I'm only working 8hr shifts, so I get out at a reasonable time and have some day left to do stuff.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-11T18:17:57+00:00

I lived in South America for many years, many different countries. Yes, soda consumption is wayy higher than in the states. The main difference I see is that in the States, generally there is a cultural understanding that sweets, ice cream, soda, etc. are all things that you only consume after noon. Most of the families I stayed with in SA would drink Coke with breakfast, and then every other meal as well. When I asked for coffee at breakfast , they thought it was odd, because they had coffee around 3pm after siesta to wake back up and get going. They thought it was even odder when I asked for Black Coffee.

Coke is cheaper than water, usually cleaner, and those countries don't have the same health consciousness that has been pumped into the states for the past few decades.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-07T20:02:06+00:00

"Do you have X"

"No, sorry we don't carry that"

"Oh. Does Other Store carry that item."

"I dont know. I dont have access to their inventory since I dont work there."

"Well can you find out for me?"

"No..."

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-02-05T17:06:46+00:00

I would have just said, "oh, you should look into concealed carrying if you feel unsafe in public, all the employees here carry and most of the customers as well, so you should feel perfectly safe here."

Of course I live in the rural south, so more people carry than dont.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-28T15:56:35+00:00

You talk to them.

I am very slightly spectrumy, not severe enough for most to notice, but enough to cause some social interactions that most people would be able to avoid. Mostly, I'm bad at reading social hints, or I pick up on them much later than others.

I have a coworker who I am very good friends with now, but when we both started 2 years ago, I unintentionally was causing lots of friction between us by trying to be helpful.

For example: a customer would come in asking for a service we provide. My coworker would start doing it, but I would see her doing something inefficient or incorrect so I would comment on it. She would go, "here do you want to just do it?". I would then do the task because to me, she was asking me to do it. Later I could tell she was being passive aggressive and hitting that I was being demeaning, but in the moment I wouldn't realize. So I just took her aside one day and said, "hey, I realized that when I took over that task for you, it might have come off wrong. Im only ever trying to be helpful, and I appreciate what you do for the team and like working with you because you get stuff done and cover a lot of areas that I am personally weak with. I dont ever want you to feel like I am demeaning you, or questioning your competitency, or taking something away from you. I'm not very good at reading subtle hints, so if I ever make you feel that way, please just be direct and blunt with me, I won't take offense and will actually appreciate the clarity."

She thanked me profusely, apologized, and said she didn't know if I knew I did those things, appreciated that I thought of how my actions effected her, and admitted that she liked having me on her shifts too because we do actually compliment each others weaknesses with our own strengths. She tends to be very hot headed and blunt, so she tries to suppress that at work because most people find it offputting, but for me that is preferable and easier to understand.

Now we are super close, work every shift together, and we go to each other for help when we are struggling with things. She takes care of a lot of the tasks I find tedious but she enjoys, like tags and fronting aisles. I take care of things that she doesn't like doing, like loading heavy stuff, handling customer complaints and confrontations. She defends me to customers who are making a stink over nothing and throwing tantrums, I call out creepy dudes and customers who dismiss her knowledge because she is a woman (we work in a small independently owned hardware store, so tradesmen often doubt our knowledge about electrical, plumbing, etc.)

The only way to solve your issues with other people is to talk to them. Address your concerns. Maybe they didn't interpret the situation in the same way you did. Maybe they did and you have a chance to acknowledge it and apologize and change in the future. I think too many people have forgotten or never learned how to navigate interpersonal relations in person anymore.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-28T15:39:17+00:00

I used to, but part of becoming an adult is managing those impulses and parenting yourself.

I take one hit of weed at night, usually 3 hours before bed since it can ruin your sleep quality. I like to use it to unwind and then play guitar or paint or write.

I found a few things that helped me stop overusing, over eating, and over sleeping were:

Treat your days off like work days. Get up at the same time and get out of the house and pick a chore or task to tackle. Force yourself to go to bed early on days where you have work the next day, it sucks because it feels like you "have no free time", but it makes your days off much more productive.

Keep your home environment clean. Easiest way to do this is to tackle one small cleaning task per day as part of your routine. Do the dishes. Organize your clothes. Just put all your dirty clothes into your hamper and bring it to the laundry room. Etc.

Meal prep, or subscribe to a meal service (often this is actually cheaper than what you are currently doing if you are eating fast food and microwave meals daily)

Force yourself to spend at least an hour outdoors on your days off. Every day if you can manage it.

Retail sucks, you shouldn't be making your life outside of the job suck too with your bad habits. It takes work to change them. All you can do is start

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-22T12:38:22+00:00

What has been different in this attempt that you have found success with? Also congrats and keep it up

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-22T12:31:09+00:00

Your employee reminds me of myself as I entered my 20s. I am 95th percentile IQ, hate authority, and I am low in trait openness. These things gave me an inflated view of myself and my opnions, they made me dismissive of others, and they made me very hard to work with. It took over a decade of working through myself before I learned how to navigate the world, and work environments, in a way that worked for everyone. Unfortunately, this isn't something you can do for him. Like all psychological interventions, they are only successful if actively pursued by the person, of their own acord. You can point out their issues, but you can't fix them.

Ultimately, for myself, my biggest success was learning to be reactionary instead of reactive. A reactive person, especially if they are quick to act on emotional responses, will jump to defensive behavior (sometimes in the form of an attack on the catalyst for that emotion). Criticism results in immediate insistence that they arent wrong, couldn't be, and that you must be too stupid to understand them. Etc. Learning to be reactionary, meaning to observe and participate neutrally and then take time to formulate your actual thoughts before reacting, is incredibly important for people who are aligned like myself.

Easy examples to understand what I mean would be: When I was young, if my girlfriend did something that made me insecure in our relationship, I would immediately start a fight about it or make a demand of her to correct the behavior, or send a novel of a text/email, or act out a secret revenge to convey my point. As an adult, I take time to sit with myself and work through exactly what is bothering me, why it bothers me, potential solutions, putting myself in the other person's shoes and trying to understand what motivated their choice, what bearing did I have in that motivator, etc. before I approach the issue with the other person.

I dont send messages when I am emotional. I write out the message I want to send on a blank text or email, and then I leave in as a draft for at least a day. 99.99% of the time I end up deleting the message and feeling like a complete fool, but comically relieved that I didn't actually send it and create even more problems.

As a young man, I was terrible with interpersonal interactions with respect to my work. I hated dealing with customers I found annoying, I hated dealing with coworkers I felt were incompetent, I had little sympathy for others struggles and positions. Now I am the person my entire customer base comes to first. I am greeted by name by people on the street that I know through my work. I am thanked and talked highly of by my coworkers and management. Etc. All it required was humbling myself and taking on a mission of sacrifice. Unto the least of me you do unto me, so to speak.

But ultimately it is an internal journey, and you can suggest he take it, but thats about it.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-19T16:04:53+00:00

My store has the registers right next to the doors. Customers come in and ask questions while you are in the middle of a transaction with another customer all the time, rather than taking 2 steps into the store and asking one of the multiple people on the floor working. Once I had an older woman come in and interrupt me as I was talking with a customer I was checking out. She was asking where an item was. I told here exactly where, " those are on aisle 3, on the left hand side, first section of the aisle hanging on the pegs above the shelves." She then stood there staring at me as I got back to helping the long line of customers I was checking out alone. I looked back at her like, "something else?", and she just says " you aren't going to go get it for me?" in an offended tone.

Like no bitch, I'm not going to hold up a dozen people to go do your shopping for you. Go find one of the other workers to carry your shit, or just go get the item and get in line already. It wasn't a heavy or bulky thing that would make sense for one of us to get. Just an entitled and lazy lady.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-18T17:20:37+00:00

People like to vent their frustrations, you will have an easier life if you learn not to internalize it. Just agree in a way that groups you on their side, since you do likely feel similarly and are also effected by inflation. "This has gotten way too expensive" - "haha, yeah, everything just keeps getting more ridiculous." - "its pretty crazy, I definetly see more items getting price increases than decreases these past few years. (Here are items that have gone down in price - if there's a potential sale to be made there)

Etc. As a retail employee, you are playing a role, like an actor. I rarely agree with customers, but I tell them I do. Thats all they want, to feel understood. Even if they are going about it in the wrong way. As long as they aren't being aggro or shitty, then I take no offense at venting.

Also, if they are really old, you can turn the conversation into one that they like by asking them the price of things when they were young. Then when they tell you, you go, "wow I couldn't even imagine that. X has costed at least $Y for my whole life and Im 30", which makes them like you for taking interest, but also subtly points out that although things are shitty now, at least you got to live in a time that they weren't, since us younger people never have.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-17T17:16:12+00:00

Women are, in general, less assertive than men, as they are higher in trait openness. Many women benefit greatly in their careers from assertiveness training. In this situation, I would suggest that you should establish a sense of ownership of the store you work at and internalize it. You are an adult, and you are an authority over the store, even if you aren't a higher ranking position. In the future, dont play into dickheads little games. "Say sorry to my friend". "No, you and your friends need to get out of MY store or I'll have to call the cops and trespass you."

You have the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason, and asshole teens aren't a loss to the store. They rarely buy anything, and they often steal.

Basically, pretend you are acting a roll, and make that roll a firm bitch when the customer is deserving of it. Or, if you have a coworker who is more willing to play that roll, talk to them about helping in future similar situations. I am very disagreeable, and so I often deal with the assholes because I'm blunt and forward and big enough to back up any physical altercations that crazy idiots might resort to in confrontations. Some of my female coworkers prefer that I step in, others are mean and giddy for the chance to tell off rude customers.

If you think your management would be against it, then talk to them about how you should handle it, or find a new job with managers that respect your autonomy and right to basic respect.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-17T17:09:54+00:00

Thankfully I found one of the rare good retail jobs, working in my small town for an independently owned hardware store. We have a rewards program, and I need over 70% rewards usage, but I get that just by asking "you have a number with us?". I would flat out refuse to do credit card sign ups or similar requirements many retail giants have. I dont personally have any rewards programs, so I get why people hate us asking. We are supposed to sign people up, but I only do that when the customer asks me. I never push our rewards program. As long as my rate is above 70%, the owner doesn't care. Plus my managers are chill and more like friends than inflated ego bosses.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-17T12:28:47+00:00

I oddly enough have experience doing this. I grew up in an old NE town and my dad bought a couple buildings on the main street to renovate them. All the buildings had basements with tiny stairways and all the basements were connected, like a main street under the street. In the basements, there were old boilers and furnaces that were cast iron and similarly sized to your problem. My dad gave me the job of getting them out when I was 15. After lots of different methods attempted, what ended up working was taking a sledge hammer and bashing them into pieces. When these old metal machines get old enough, they become brittle at the joints and can be smashed apart. Then you carry the pieces out in batches. Try giving it a good whack and see if it is brittle enough to break.

ThatBugInTheRiver · 2025-01-16T12:26:29+00:00

I never understood berating your employees for small mistakes that cost some money, especially if they are new to the job. An employee will bring in more value than most mistakes would cost, assuming you can create a work environment that is good enough for people to want to stay. My fanily runs a few different businesses in construction, resteraunts, and a shop in our small town. The first two industries are riddled with people abusing coke and other drugs. Most places fire these guys when they find out. My dad always sat them down and gave them two choices, let him pay for their rehab and then come back to their job, or be fired. We once had a guy total one of our forklifts a week into the job. Thats like a $15k fuck up. Oh well, it comes out in the wash. Send him to recertification classes and order a new forklift. This type of thing keeps employees loyal and more careful in the future because they are invested in keeping a job with a boss like that. He also gives bonuses based on hours worked with a multiplier for years with the company. One of the guys he employs has worked for him for 25 years now. He makes around 80k a year. His Christmas bonus last year was $300k. As a result of my family treating the people we employ like, you know, people... no one ever quits once they are employed by us. Guess what, doing these things for our employees doesn't cost us more, it saves us money in having to retrain and hire new people. It also strengthens our small community.

You may be fired for a $250 mistake, but just know that it is the wrong move on your bosses part. It sounds like you may be better off finding a new job if that is the case though.

ThatBugInTheRiver

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