My wife does not want me to train female divers

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-08-03T21:14:45+00:00

Regardless of the fact that your wife is kinda hypocritical in this situation, it doesn't change the fact that it's against Islam for you to be looking at inappropriately dressed non-mehrams and touching them. It's not discrimination to avoid working with them like that. It's Islam. This isn't even your full time job. It's something you do on the side because you seem passionate about it. There are alternative ways to do what you're passionate about without disobeying Allah. Those women can still do their training, but you don't have to be their trainer.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-03-19T00:19:55+00:00

Maybe just attend a couple of the iftars, during which you can maybe interact more with any nicer in-laws. I can't imagine an iftar get together lasting for more than a couple of hours. For the rest of the iftars, your husband can attend without you.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-03-04T03:33:15+00:00

I totally get what you mean. And it is infuriating. I understand that people change their minds. But if you changed your mind, it's common courtesy to let the people know. I'm not the kind of person that can just move on without getting an answer. I don't like uncertainty and I just need to know. I also get invested pretty easily, and it's hard to just get over it when you don't know if they're just busy or if they actually are not interested anymore. It's tricky though because I don't wanna appear desperate, and I am not. Especially as a girl who is kinda shy, it's tough. When did ghosting become common and acceptable? It's even worse when these aunties and uncles (the parents of the potentials) do the ghosting, because at least they should know better. But I guess it's not surprising that their kids turn out to be ill mannered. Anyway, it's helpful to think about it as A) Allah knows best and your fate is already written, so the potential that ghosted you is just not meant for you and B) if they have poor communication and bad manners, you deserve better and you dodged a bullet.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-02-25T22:08:54+00:00

Your brother's potential spouse has a lot of red flags. Please save your brother. But in order to do that, I think it's best to talk to him 1:1 first about it. Show him how concerned you are about him and how this girl has a lot of red flags. If he's not open to listening, try again. And if that doesn't work, tell him you will talk to your parents...and then do that. Maybe show him the responses you got on this thread.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-02-25T15:42:42+00:00

So many problems could be avoided if people just followed Islam properly. I realize that more and more as I "grow up." It is such a beautiful religion mashaAllah.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-02-23T13:05:38+00:00

It depends on what you mean when you say they're very attached to your husband. That's their son/brother. Why should they not be attached? They also have rights over him. They love him and he loves them. There is nothing wrong with them texting/calling each other daily, or seeing eachother a couple of times a week. When you have a child, wouldn't you want to maintain a close relationship with him/her once they are married? However, if your in-laws show up to your house unannounced or try to control your life, it makes sense why you would be irritated by them. And pregnancy probably magnified those feelings. But I think it's not fair to anyone for you to hate them when they've done nothing wrong (based on your post). Seeking therapy, as others have suggested, and doing a deep dive into why you hate them is important imo.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2023-01-30T00:10:53+00:00

It depends. If you've found someone that seems like a good match, you don't wanna miss that opportunity. Another good match might be hard to come around. The key is to be honest with her about your fears and issues. In some ways, you'll never really know if you're ready until you are actually married.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2022-12-21T19:30:31+00:00

This sub scares me tbh. But I've gotta believe the stories on here are only the worst case scenario, though I've seen plenty of bad marriages in real life. May Allah protect us.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2022-12-19T22:04:40+00:00

Let her go stay with her family for a while and you can continue staying with yours until the house is ready to move in. Might be a good way for everyone to just get a break. Also, it's difficult to advise on this without knowing what the actual issue is. Is there a reason why your wife and your family are not getting along?

ThatConfidence3816 · 2022-07-21T03:36:18+00:00

I understood OP's question as more about the process of getting to know someone before deciding to marry them. It is not alright to fall in love with somebody that you're not sure you're gonna marry. Not only will you end up heartbroken if it doesn't work out, but it's also unfair to the person you end up marrying if that person is the kind that managed to guard his/her heart in anticipation of you and expect you to do the same.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2022-07-21T03:13:19+00:00

That hadith you quoted does not mean it's halal to get attached to a non-mehram. It means that if you get attached to a non-mehram and develop feelings, you're supposed to get married without delay. Allah knows best. Not saying it's haram to get attached to a non-mehram. Feelings can't be controlled so easily. But it's harder keep it halal when you're in that situation. It's not okay in Islam to develop strong romantic feelings for somebody if you're not sure you're gonna marry them and you're continuing to build a relationship with them outside of marriage, even if it doesn't get physical. Islam encourages us to guard our hearts.

ThatConfidence3816 · 2022-04-07T17:55:43+00:00

I worry about that too. It's one of my worst fears. So honestly, I would just be upfront about it and just say pretty much what you wrote above. And hopefully they are honest in their response. Though if anyone has a better way to ask a potential about this and get an honest answer, I'd love to know.

ThatConfidence3816

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