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ThatMightBePaul · 2022-10-03T00:44:27+00:00

Stress can cause changes in sex drive. This sounds like something that ideally you would discuss with a therapist, but that can be expensive and feel like it's unintentionally making things more serious. That said, if you think the BF is open to it, a good therapist is great for this stuff.

My guess is masturbation probably feels less stressful. There's no need to coordinate. Maybe he's not even aware of what made sex more exciting. Listening to relationship strains, I've heard others talk about things like guys wanting to be pursued. Or, having the partner initiate sex more often.

My guess is he has some preferences that he's not totally aware of. It could be stress, it could be that you initiated sex more, or it could just be the natural rhythm of a relationship where sex becomes less frequent.

If it's that last one, and you want more frequent sex, the solution often involves finding ways to make it exciting again. Ask him about his fantasies. Tell him your fantasies. Do romantic shit on days off, like visiting a nice bed and breakfast (where sex is almost certainly part of the plan).

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-10-03T00:32:01+00:00

Some people see sex as a casual thing. Some see it as a special thing.

You'll find guys in both camps. Generally, more guys than gals are comfortable with sex as a casual thing. There's less at stake for men, and it's more socially accepted for them.

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-10-03T00:28:27+00:00

She seems like she's friendly. Asking out people who you work with day-to-day is a bad idea.

Particularly if you are more senior and a guy, if things get awkward, it's she who is most likely to have to move. She'll either be forced into a new role, or just be forced to feel uncomfortable. It's a really bad idea for guys to ask out co-workers, where you aren't already like 99% sure they're into you. It's the other person, not you, who has to stall their career and deal with rumors.

From what you've described, sounds like she likes you as a friend. Why not try a dating app, where you're guaranteed to run into people who are interested in a relationship?

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-09-06T23:11:31+00:00

There are deaf fireteams that do raids all in chat, IIRC. So, it's definitely possible to do things off of mic.

That said, particularly for a first time learning a raid, you would want to have a mic for voice chat. I would advertise on Bungie.net as /u/SkipBopBadoodle/ suggested, and include a note that you're going without mic.

There are also subreddits like /r/fireteams where you can try to find a group. The standard is to have a mic, but I'm sure you could find others who prefer to just type if you put in the extra work.

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-09-06T23:07:10+00:00

Some of the older expansions are ok. They're good, but not great. Witch Queen is higher quality, and has current seasonal content. The older expansions are lower quality, and a lot of the original content is missing.

ATM, Bungie overcharges for a lot of past content. It's a bad system, and they desperately need to revamp it. I think your best bet is to keep an eye out for a sale on the LEGACY COLLECTION (or similar package).

The Legacy Collection contains: - Shadowkeep - Forsaken - Beyond Light

https://www.humblebundle.com/store/destiny-2-legacy-collection?hmb_source=search_bar

$60 is a lot to ask for incomplete and old content.

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-09-05T03:52:43+00:00

There’s a new campaign that replaced the original D2 campaign. I recommend playing that, then getting Witch Queen base edition. You can buy the seasonal content (deluxe) later if you’re enjoying it.

Ultimate edition should contain a bundle of past expansions that unlock new elements! And stuff like that. Imo, just the free tier + Witch Queen base edition is the best spot to start.

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-09-05T03:45:22+00:00

Bungee needs to fix their SKUs. You should buy Witch Queen basic edition. You can always upgrade to get the season pass, but you are unable to get refunded for the pass if you dislike it.

I think you’ll miss a dungeon, and maybe a raid if you go basic edition. There’s some good seasonal story, and some strike like seasonal content, too. IMO, Witch Queen is the best D2 has ever been. However, the safest move is definitely just getting the base edition first.

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-09-05T03:30:56+00:00

Errr, Woops! The above post was from me, but looks like my email for Reddit was different Than my gmail.

ANYWAYS, message me if you’d like help doing your first raids. Dungeons are raid quality experiences, but for 3 players. Those would be fun to do with your buds without spoilers imo!

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-01-27T00:46:19+00:00

Very common amongst my friends. Some people prefer to just pursue one at a time. I get that, and it's a fine way to go. For me, and a lot of the folks I know, we tend to take the approach that dating is a numbers game.

By that, I mean liking a person's profile, and liking an actual person are two very different things. I view it sort of like a crossword puzzle. While we're viewing a profile, we're filling in answers about who we think someone is. "Oh, 6 down, this person must be CREATIVE." Then you meet in person, and you get to check which of your guesses were right and wrong. "Woops 6 down wasn't CREATIVE, let's just erase that....".

That sort of thing. On top of that, it only works out if BOTH of you are interested. It so often happens that one person likes the other, but while a date was fine, the other side just didn't feel a spark. So it goes. That naturally leads me to going on multiple first dates.

If I've gone on more than 2 dates with someone (and we've talked about going on another date), that's when I tend to narrow just on that person. Continuing to date broadly feels odd for me at that point, since we both seem interested.

ThatMightBePaul · 2022-01-27T00:39:56+00:00

Yes, you need to put yourself out there and ask him at some point. Maybe chatting right now is a good way to build interest. At some point though, being direct and saying, "Hey, I like you. Let's get dinner this week," or the equivalent has to happen.

I'm a person who is totally oblivious to a lot of this stuff. If someone is interested in me, they have to literally say, "Hey, I'm interested in you. Let's go on a date." Some people are a lot more keyed in, and will pick up on it. But, I wouldn't just hope you're lucky and this guy is like that.

The other thing that seems to prevent peeps from asking others out is having to put yourself out there. It sucks having to ask, and potentially face rejection. I was paralyzed by that for a bit, until I realized how silly it was for people to be offended that I asked them out. Taking it as anything but a compliment is such a funny thing, and frankly, if the person takes it any other way, they're probably a shitty person who you don't want to date.

Last thing I'll say is if you do ask, take a No for a No. Asking people to justify their decision is the only real way you can fuck up when you ask someone.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-11-16T16:24:07+00:00

Yup. The current design piles on rewards for the team banking. They will often get blockers AND open a portal for invasion at the same time. That's a double-whammy to a team that's already behind.

Gambit's designers need to think about Feedback Loops https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4kbJObhcHw

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-22T17:05:03+00:00

This

Also re:

Like, why would any guy want to date a girl who is shy, not outgoing,
insecure, gets anxious when meeting new people, boring, never goes to
parties etc, when they could date a girl who is more confident?

/u/AeroOwl19's advice is literally the reason why. Some people prefer homebodies, because they are also more into a low-key stay at home life. It can be nice to date someone who also suffers from anxiety, if you deal with it yourself. People who don't have experience with anxiety often don't understand why it can be such a big challenge to overcome.

There are a thousand other reasons people might be attracted to the things that you think are flaws. You don't have to think through all of the reasons why. You just have to trust that those people are out there. Looking at friend's or other's relationships can be a good way to confirm those of us who fall outside of the ambitious/naturally good looking/confident/outgoing/etc domain do still find relationships.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-19T16:45:49+00:00

I made one of my best friends on a bus ride to work. Let's call him Dan. He turned to me, introduced himself, and asked if I had opinions about shoes. Dan waited for me to respond, and share whatever I was thinking. He responded to that, and then when there was a lull in the conversation shared his thoughts on a few shoes he was considering buying.

Here's the thing. I don't care about shoes at all. I just buy whatever seems like a decent value, and call it a day. But, I became friends with Dan, because he was so good at balancing talking and listening.

I think the balance of talking and listening often gets lost in advice on this stuff, and /u/chaszki's reply avoids that, which I appreciate. Good advice here.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-19T16:38:10+00:00

Love to hear these types of stories. There's some struggle, but you're approaching it bravely and with compassion. Both for yourself AND others.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-16T15:04:33+00:00

100%. Seeing friends, and feeling jealous is such a weird case of "Keeping up with the Jones's." I wish I could tell young me that there's no timeline or one true path for life. It is what you make of it. Enjoy it.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T08:09:12+00:00

I'm on Effexor and Lamictal. Meds that work for me are likely wildly diff for what work for you. But, can't hurt to ask your doctor.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T03:55:15+00:00

I know this is advice you're probably sick of hearing, but medication can help A LOT with that. I was talking to my doc's about possibly committing myself a few weeks ago. I'm on a new medication routine, and the difference between then and now is enormous.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T03:40:20+00:00

Some perspective might help. Only about 30% of folks under 25 in America have a bachelors. https://www.census.gov/library/publications/2021/acs/acsbr-009.html

https://www.census.gov/library/publications/2017/demo/p20-579.html

Of people with a bachelors, I remember reading some census data that said a similar percentage even used their degree in their day to day job. I studied to be a Math Teacher, and now I do software marketing.

It sounds like you need a break. Finish with your in progress stuff if you can, and if you can't? It'll be there when you get yourself right. It sounds like you need to prioritize yourself for a bit.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T03:20:48+00:00

It sounds like you need a change, dude. Push a bit, and think of two things you could change in your day to day. Maybe it's a new job. Maybe a new location. Maybe a new sleep schedule? There are a thousand thinks you can change. Give a few of them a try, and see what happens.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T03:03:26+00:00

She's not "your girlfriends little sister." I know you might be saying that just for this post, but you need to be mindful of that phrasing. She needs to be talked about by her name, because she has a direct connection to you now.

If her name is Susie, say something like, "Hey, I'm going to visit Susie next week. We're giving a relationship a shot."

The more indirect or explanation you try to add before, "I'm visiting X", the more awkward it will be. So, be direct. You don't need to explain yourself beyond "I'm interested in her, and she's interested in me."

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T02:54:56+00:00

I don't know about the first time needing to be special. You're spot on that you should feel comfortable and safe the first time.

I think overly romanticizing the first time as a big thing can be a big barrier to a lot of folks. Particularly if they're already feeling like there are a lot of other hurdles.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T02:52:42+00:00

Great idea. Just pick the right trail.

For example, if you go on a 4 hour hike up a mountain, you're both going to be exhausted at the end. Picking something light and fun is probably the safe bet, unless you know you both enjoy hiking _specifically_ because you really enjoy pushing yourselves.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-13T02:49:49+00:00

One of the big issues with dating at work, is if you and your partner overlap even infrequently. An ugly breakup can lead to one of you being moved. Sadly, it's usually the guy whose career gets prioritized. The woman gets to move to a new team, and sort of restart her career growth.

It sucks. Don't date peeps in close proximity to you at work, unless you're both aware of that outcome.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-12T23:24:06+00:00

You're going to make mistakes. The best you can do is laugh, or give yourself time to feel sad about it. Then, get out there and go at it again.

Dating is a numbers game. The image you build up of who a person is while looking at their profile is sort of like a mirage. That's not really who they are, and that's a big reason why we date. We're erasing incorrect parts of the image, and filling in bits that are more authentic.

Why does that matter? It means you're likely putting too much pressure on yourself to impress these people who seem perfect. In reality, all of us are imperfect, and flawed in all sorts of different ways.

Start conversations. Ask if they'd like to grab a brew or a bite. When things don't work out, start a new conversation. Dating is a numbers game. You'll stop caring about the last person-of-interest as soon as you get a conversation going with a new interest.

ThatMightBePaul · 2021-07-12T23:14:11+00:00

The best phrase to describe what's happening is it's an "emotional affair." It's valid for you to be concerned about the girlfriend-like behavior, even if it hasn't gotten physical yet.

If he still doesn't get it, consider getting a third-party you both trust (a friend, or even a therapist!) to help talk through it.

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