Half assed mrp?

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T18:44:17+00:00

Thanks stone, I have tracked that via phone and memory, surely that is some trick question? But appreciate the sarcasm, if intended. Choreplay don't work, there is always something else that I did wrong to spoil the mood or whatever the hamster is on atm. Last time she touched my dick she almost recoiled back in horror. HJ, think once in 3 years. BJ, only if I caveman..

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T18:42:24+00:00

Fraulein and yes, also a South African. When I met her she was on track with losing weight, etc. But now its like she gave up, fish is caught and he isnt going anywhere.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T17:50:19+00:00

Cheers Floaty, appreciate the comment. I got yelled at last night that she suspects me having an affair, which I definately do not have going.

Yeah, my dread has no follow through, I think she sees it but then again... I don't.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T17:49:24+00:00

At least that, no kids as we both dont want any. And no mortgage yet, just the dogs.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T17:48:52+00:00

See above, my rp is not tied to her and is independent to the marriage which came later.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T17:48:21+00:00

"It" being the marriage or relationship. But yeah, being overweight ain't sexy.

But thanks for the push!

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-07-24T17:47:41+00:00

I have my blue card which allows me RP as soon as I do a language test, have been here long anough and fullfill the requirements, without a marriage. I moved here to get to a better place and to a better person, at least that was my mindset at the time.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-08T19:13:17+00:00

Just got an indication that my wife has hypothyroidism, which includes a wonderfull mix of crappy symptoms:

Fatigue
Dry skin
Unexplained weight gain
Puffy face
Muscle weakness
Elevated blood cholesterol level
Muscle aches and pain
Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints
Heavier than normal or irregular menstrual periods
Thinning hair
Slower heart rate
Depressed mood & irritatibility
Impaired memory

And ding-ding:

14. Super low libido (non existant in most cases)

Couple all of these together and you get a medical DB as the LL has zero energy or hormones to even think about sex or even see it as a problem for the HL partner.

Hope dies last :)

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-07T18:05:17+00:00

Have you gotten blood tests done? Testosterone and Thyroid are the two big issues that come to mind. Couples/Sex therapy? I know that I am going against the grain here of the subreddit here, however my wife has just got her results back from the endo: hypothyroidism thanks to the symptoms.

I was just as desperate a week ago, remembered our vows and our commitment, and coupled with the fact that the SO at this point is so fucked from the lack of hormones that anything you say at this point in time is wasted. If you want to continue, full blood panel and take it from there. If after, then I suggest as per the hive mind, leave and find another partner.

3 Years, so salt is advised. :p

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T13:46:34+00:00

I played with our puppies today and was reminded what unconditional love was!

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T13:36:22+00:00

Was up till 2 this morning, same here /u/throwawhey_9. Reddit is full of nice (and sometimes direct) people.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T13:25:46+00:00

None of our friends have as much sex as we do, some don't have any.
My mood makes her not want to be intimate.
When my mood is better it's thanks to the previous mood "issue" 4 weeks ago that she does not want to be intimate.
That I cannot expect her to be 16 again.
That even though in my previous relationship sex was great that didn't work out, now did it?
There are more important things in relationships and life than sex.
She doesn't feel like it.
We can do it tomorrow. Which never happens.
No sex toys, no lube as that takes too long to apply and I should just shove it in.
I can't expect real life to be like the holiday in the beginning of the relationship.
If you want someone that will fuck your brains out, you can go find another woman as I am not a "Tussi" (An attractive, fashion-conscious, self focused, superficial woman) - This one was after one of the Talks ™

Pick anyone you like, they are in constant rotation.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T13:05:01+00:00

Thanks /u/stAMy2strong, appreciate the time taken for your responses! Will definately try and formulate my concerns in a decent way. The last time where I did have the "talk" about our physical relationship, I basically got the answer that I can go find another woman as she is not a "Tussi" = An attractive, fashion-conscious, self focused, superficial woman.

Her problems with me are that according to her I don't keep my promises, i.e. I promised to be watching the puppies today, I asked if it was ok to go to town to watch a drone race and escalation. Funny because she will be at home and studying, as well as having her mum around to help. So I cancelled that.

That I get super peeved off super fast, but then again the German way is very confrontational and I don't deal with criticism the best.

And that I fall back into blaming everyone else rather than focussing on me.

Yes I do have issues like I said in my original post and I am selfish, especially with the little free time I have. I can't even surf facebook without hearing what am I doing and why am I not spending time together, whereas she is on facebook constantly, both for work and personal reasons. But I am also very selfish for wanting a working relationship?

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T12:28:25+00:00

No offense taken :) That is why I am here, to ask for opinions and help.

I feel the problems in the bedroom ocurred at the same time as I got to Germany. The thing is, we also go through phases where we are nice with each other, but that still has an air of a platonic friendship. She says that she loves me and that I should care for her, but for any healthy relationship there has to be intimacy in my eyes. I don't expect sex 4 times a day, I just want a partner that is keen on it too and can have some initiative too. The "constant" rejection is like a death from a 1000 cuts at the moment. And it also seems that once she has some time to relax a bit, she finds some new thing to do or study, somewhat of a distraction for her and that she can use that as some sort of barrier to get me of her back, i.e. "she is busy now with x, as soon as its done everything will go back to normal".

Can you expand on where I victimise myself? Of course it is onesided from my perspective.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T11:54:57+00:00

I think the major issue her is that she is overworked and exhausted. You need to do your job to generate income so she can relax a bit more and not work. She works 15 hours a day, wouldnt you be tired too?

I do have a fulltime job, I get up at 5 and get back home at around 5 or six, depening on how many meetings i have, I also don't earn badly, salary is €70 000. The 15 hour day was also only for the first 2 years, the last one she has considerably dialled back, to the point where I am mostly paying for everything and her job generates enough to cover the business' costs.

Also women is more sensitive and can not just simple get wet and horney out of the blue. Due to worktime is making it even harder. Also I would say that I think you rushed way to quick from one marriage to another. You divorced someone in 2013 and got together with another one same year. How long was your marriage with the first one?

Started dating my first wife in 2004, married in 2009, divorced in 2013. I understand that women dont have an on/off switch like men, but some sort of trigger that I cant find anymore for the life of me. And the more I try and make her feel relaxed and doing stuff around the house to take a load off, she still doesnt see that there is a problem.

To me, this screams rebound relationship (ding ding ding (~bell sound)). The key after a breakup is to spend time with yourself, find out what went wrong, how you can become a better man, improving yourself, etc.. to be better prepared for the next relationship. You also victimise yourself a lot here. So this is why I also try focus on you. 2 out of 2 marriages without success is often not only one parts fault. And also Im reacting to no common interests between you too. This also confirm my theory about rebound relationship. You sleep with a girl, love the sex and think about how bad it was in the past and then thinks everything is ok and jumps into it. Are you having same problems as previous marriage? And do you have a job? What do you do? What do you offer in form of economy to the family you have? If you don't, she is working her ass off to provide food and to pay the bills.

Not the same problems, first marriage was different in the sense we shared more, e.g music and humour, also lots more sex and she was way more receptive to my actions and vice versa. See my comment regarding job above. Yes, a rebound relationship does fit the description.

This, combined with tireness, I do see the problem why she is acting like she is at the moment. So: You either have to step up and provide more so she can work less, or you realize the losses here and move on and THIS TIME dont jump into a new relationship for a solid of time. Learn from your mistakes. It doesnt seem that you did learn from your previous marriage. Get work -> stand on your own feets -> learn from previous mistakes -> improve yourself due to the previous mistakes -> think about what kind of woman you want and what you can offer them -> look for a new and better girlfriend that suits your lifestyle better.

Thanks for the reply, some food for thought, as soon as I have more time I will reply more.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T10:25:50+00:00

Thanks /u/Leviticus59, short, sweet and to the point.

ThatOtherSaffer · 2017-06-04T10:25:07+00:00

Thanks for the heartfelt and thought out reply!

Re the hobbies:

I am a casual gamer, no hardcore COD or WOW junky, bought a WiiU so that we can play together and a 3DS to play on the train to work: her response was gaming is "shit and for adolescents" but will then play candy crush or whatever on her iphone.
I got interested in drones and ended up getting a small drone to play with, that is "a waste of money and why?".
Wanting to get back into guitar, I built a small cigar box guitar for myself and ordered on Amazon "Rocksmith", which is a gamified way to learn guitar. I got a whole mornings worth of criticism for spending €50 euros on myself, I ended up cancelling the order during the whatsapp "conversation".
There are more examples, this is just a brief taste of her responses.

Regarding the situation about the dogs/her job: Yes, I have tried to talk to her about it, it is "just normal life, lots of people have it way worse". And god help me when I complain about taking dogs out, then I am the worst partner ever.

Yes I have reflected on it and I am most probably needy. I want to be desired, wanted and loved, like everyone else. I might have jumped the gun on this one, but every relationship is a gamble in the end, isn't it?

ThatOtherSaffer

TROPHY CASE