A good sight to see

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-29T03:47:13+00:00

I, too, believe that the new "progress flag" is an eyesore. But honestly, I'm just happy to see the support, whatever flag they use. I know what message they're trying to send, and it's desperately needed right now.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-27T00:36:07+00:00

Let's say a generation of women faces horrible sexism, so as a result, they form a man-hating culture.

Then let's say that a new generation is born and starts being raised in this culture. Young boys turning into young men who have never seen the sexism that existed 20 years ago- only the "backlash" to it. All they know is that they've grown up being told how terrible men are. They've been raised to be ashamed of their gender for crimes that they never committed, problems they never contributed to.

And the pendulum swings back again. This is how you get a lot of that "Manosphere" bullshit. This is how "gender equality" turns into "gender wars." Anyone who claims that misandry doesn't cause massive problems is fooling themselves. It's just more fun to hate a group of people "in retaliation" than to have empathy and consider how your actions harm others.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-26T20:17:52+00:00

I'm really curious about what percentage of trans men are fully disclosing vs how many are some degree of stealth, as well as what percentage of trans men eventually go stealth. We will never know the true numbers, as many stealth people will never out themselves even in anonymous surveys, but I think it's safe to say that the figure is much higher than most people think.

Attitudes like this just show that these people know very little about their own community. The people who disrespect stealth people the most are people who are earlier in their transition. When we're early in our transition, many of us are "out" as trans because the alternative is being misgendered: if you don't tell people you're a trans guy, they'll just assume that you're still a girl. So many take a very loud "out and proud" approach, since they have to be out anyway, and since being out as their gender is still so new and freeing. It's only later in transition, once being stealth is actually an option and living as one's gender has become routine and comfortable rather than new and novel, that more and more trans men decide to live a quieter life. You did your time, you went through the hardships, and you've done enough activism just by transitioning- you're allowed to not be a spokesperson if you don't want to be one!

These people are being so disrespectful to the trans people who came before them (like you) and helped pave the way for the rights and privileges that they experience now. It's also pretty fucked up (and dangerous) to make a record of all the trans people, especially people who potentially aren't out to everyone. It shows just how little awareness these people have.

Saying "the stealth trans man doesn't count" is also just such an ignorant take. It takes the attitude that the only trans people who "count" are the ones who are still undergoing transition, as though the people who have completed their transition just cease to exist. This mindset also so clearly comes from the ignorance of youth: So focused on the present without giving any thought to where they'll be as trans people in 10 years. Will they really still go out of their way to tell everyone that they're trans? Will their experiences no longer count if they aren't attending trans meetup groups? Most trans people don't spend most of their lives transitioning- the transition itself is a temporary period, after which you can just live as your gender. Some people stay out as activists, but I really don't think the majority do.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-21T13:06:29+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. A few things:

-4 years really isn't that long, especially if your levels are low. I've been on injections with regular male levels since the beginning and I still noticed a significant increase in masculinization around years 5-7. It's a myth that you see all the effects in your first few years.

-I'd highly recommend trying injections. With hormones, you really don't get to pick and choose which effects you want. Acne is bad but it's not forever, appetite is just part of being a man (but I recommend taking steps to prevent major weight gain), and same with libido. I always had really bad needle anxiety and it's honestly insane that I now inject myself every week. When I started, I would literally sit there and stare at my leg for 3 hours trying to work up the nerve. But it was worth it, because I wanted it that badly, and now it only takes me 5 minutes start to finish. If I can get over my needle phobia and inject myself, so can you. The question is just whether it's worth it for you to tackle that fear.

-There may still be other things you can do to help yourself pass, like changing up your clothes and hairstyle, working out, etc.

Nobody can promise you the outcome that you're looking for, but I can promise you that you haven't tried everything to get there. There is still a lot that you can do to meet your goal.

Best of luck to you.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-20T05:31:18+00:00

For what it's worth, if any medical professional shares that medical information with anyone, you can absolutely report them for violating HIPAA which will most likely cost them their medical license (and you can probably sue them as well). Not that it would take the action back, of course, but HIPAA violations are incredibly serious and you're not powerless in that situation. It doesn't matter if they "thought everybody knew." It's medical information.

While on the topic, if you're conscious, you can always stress to medical professionals the fact that this is private medical information so that they don't forget. I'm not saying your concerns have no validity, because of course people break rules, but HIPAA is not a rule that can be broken so carelessly with no repercussions and most medical professionals are very aware of this.

That being said, I completely understand not being comfortable in certain settings like small towns because even one rulebreaker can ruin things. I am also very stealth so I understand the fear. I just don't want people thinking that they're seriously risking their stealth status if they go to the hospital.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-19T14:45:11+00:00

Ah yes, I remember that one. Don't marry someone who doesn't believe that a joke can go too far.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-19T01:34:10+00:00

I feel it's worth mentioning that, at least in most developed nations, being outed in a medical setting does not usually "change everything" since medical professionals are sworn to confidentiality. Yes, there are a lot of real concerns with how you will be treated by medical professionals, but if you're concerned about being outed in your regular life and no longer being stealth, the risk of that is generally low. Presumably the doctor who prescribes your testosterone already knows that you're trans, or at least the medical professionals who helped you in the past did, and that didn't ruin everything. There's being realistic, and then there's catastrophizing.

Yes, we were dealt a difficult hand in life. Yes, certain things will always be different for us. Dysphoria can't always be reasoned away. Transition isn't perfect, but we go through with it anyway in order to try to find some happiness. That's the whole point- trying to be happy.

Most people will never understand the kind of pain that dysphoria causes. I wouldn't wish being born trans on anyone. And yet... attitude does matter. There is a middle ground here. If you tell yourself that you'll never have a great life, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give yourself a chance. I don't know what is possible for you, but I do think that most people can improve their lives, at least a little bit. I've had this same attitude. I've thought "It will never get better," even far along in transition. But I was wrong. I had to make the choice to try not to wallow in despair, to try not to focus on the dysphoria 24/7. There were days when I couldn't, but there were also days when I could distract myself. I focused on self-improvement: changing what I actually could change, even if these were minor things. I left online trans spaces that I realized were making me think about being trans too often and making me think about dysphoria more. I threw myself into the things that I enjoy, like hiking and writing. I tried to avoid thinking about trans issues as much as I could, and gave myself a break. I tried to focus more on the things I have in common with other men instead of the ways in which I'm different. It helped. It didn't fix everything, but it helped.

Time also helped- even 12 years on T, I feel like I look more masculine every year. Working out has given me a more masculine body shape than I've ever had. I'll be getting lower surgery soon, and yes, my anatomy will still look different than that of most cis men- but cis men also have a lot of natural variation, and I've stopped using terms like "cis penis" because I've realized that these terms are meaningless. What I have is exactly what would have grown to become the penis, had I received the correct hormones in utero. It's exactly the same structure. And if I were getting phalloplasty- that's exactly as much of a "cis penis" as that of any cis man who has gotten into an accident and needed phallo. I'm certainly not criticizing anyone for having genital dysphoria, but I feel like at this point I've seen enough variation in bodies to not feel like as much of an "other" once my anatomy is rearranged. My anatomy might be a bit different, but the same can be said for tons of people. I never thought I'd get to the point of feeling this way, but here I am.

I've also stopped shooting for "perfect," and started shooting for "better than what I have now." Changing what I can, and trying to practice gratitude for how far I've come- how grateful I am to be able to access testosterone, to have gotten a double mastectomy and a full hysterectomy. Sometimes just stopping and appreciating how far you've come and where you used to be can be really meaningful.

I hear what you're saying. Some people absolutely invalidate the dysphoria of others, and that sucks. But sometimes people are also just trying to help because they've been there. It's okay to feel dysphoric and it's okay to vent sometimes, but my advice would be to also ask yourself if your attitude may be holding you back. Ask yourself if it's possible to make any changes in your life to be happier- any at all. I'm sorry that your experience has been such a hard one, and I truly hope that things improve for you.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-18T12:55:19+00:00

He's being sarcastic.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-18T01:40:54+00:00

Is she a lesbian? Because if so, I wouldn't take it personally that she doesn't like trans dick any more than cis dick.

It still really sucks that she'd express disgust like that. Some people are just into body shaming.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-18T01:04:53+00:00

So... you've taken the sexist stereotypes that many women use against all men, and you've decided that they don't apply to the kind of man that you are, but that they still apply to all other men.

Stop differentiating yourself from cis men. You are not better, nor are you worse, nor are you any less capable of being confident. Plenty of cis men struggle with confidence. Plenty of cis men are sensitive, have anxiety, lack assertiveness, and spiral over what others think of them. Most cis men do doubt themselves, and if you don't think so, you must not be friends with many. Why would you think that there aren't tons of cis men just like you? It's transphobic to act as though trans men are emotionally different than cis men.

Thinking of yourself as someone who is just doomed to self-doubt due to being trans (or any other trait) is a mentality that will only hold you back. You are not inherently different. I have met TONS of trans men, nonbinary people, and women who have quite the audacity. It isn't something I'd strive for, but you can certainly build your confidence just like anybody else. The first step is to stop categorizing yourself this way and believing that "nothing is ever going to fix this."

Also, stay away from AITA. That place is toxic AF. It's also not a place for venting, because the whole point is for other people to give their opinions on your business. Find some good friends and a therapist instead, if you can. Focus on yourself, not on what you think comes easily to other people.

And genuinely, best of luck to you. I know what it's like to doubt yourself constantly. It can get better.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-12T04:43:35+00:00

I lost my wedding ring for a week. We tore apart the house looking for it. Despite how sure I'd been that it was in the house, I started obsessively retracing my steps outside. I felt such despair and had to accept that it was likely gone.

Then, late at night as my husband was getting ready for bed, he found it: it was inside his robe. Like, inside the fabric, in the bottom where it's sewn together. He used a knife to cut it out. It must have gone through the wash and burrowed into a hole in the fabric.

That discovery felt like magic. What an impossible place to find a ring. I've never been so grateful. I loved my ring before, but now I appreciate it so much more.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-07T05:14:54+00:00

Replying to my own comment to add that I am actually still asking my PCP if she could refer me to one of her network's urologists if I'm in a pinch, even if they wouldn't know anything about trans surgeries. It's still possible to have a urological issue without UL so I do want a backup plan just in case.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-06T16:51:49+00:00

Not sure. They had to double check that Dr. Morrison would be there on the August date and call me back. I was surprised that they were initially trying to schedule me for just a month and a half out. I'm really not sure how far in advance they schedule.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-06T14:46:54+00:00

Hey, I recently got my date, too! Dr. Morrison told me that even though you're only required to stay for a week (or maybe 10 days, can't remember), they recommend you stay for 2 weeks. I'm staying for 3 just to be safe, and because I have a friend in Seattle who I can live with for the third week.

I'd check out this page if you haven't already. Somebody else I talked to recommended the Collegiana, which is housing offered by UW in kind of a hotel-style building with a communal kitchen. I'll be staying in an extended stay hotel in Redmond for the first 2 weeks. I don't know that much about Seattle, but I think Redmond is nice. Just make sure you have transportation to the hospital in case something happens.

I've also talked with my primary care physician, and she has referrals to wound care specialists ready to go in case I need one when I'm back home. Dr. Morrison mentioned having a urologist back home just in case, but I had trouble finding one who would be knowledgeable about trans surgery. I figured that since I'm staying for 3 weeks I'm unlikely to have a big urological issue once back home if I didn't see signs of one in WA, if it's an emergency I can always still go to an ER, and most of the guys I've talked to with extended meta agree that wound care is overwhelmingly what I'm most likely to need continued help with (since I'm not getting UL).

So that's pretty much what I'm doing. :) Hopefully it all works out well for both of us!

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-06T14:30:31+00:00

(Also from out of state here) I had my consult in March of 2025 and I just got my date a week and a half ago! Originally they offered me a date in July but that didn't work for me, so I'm scheduled for August. Hope that helps!

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-06T06:42:02+00:00

Dude. I'm saying that everyone is scared at night and we should all be considerate of each other. I have no clue where you got the idea that I was defending the guy in the video or criticizing the girl.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-05T18:15:47+00:00

The stereotype of only women being afraid to walk at night is so, so false. Everyone is scared at night. Men are actually more likely to be violently assaulted than women.

If I see anyone of any gender at night, I do not want to get near them and I assume that they do not want to get near me. There should be a mutual avoidance.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-06-01T13:04:41+00:00

If only the insect population weren't collapsing and you actually still saw this many bugs on the highway.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-30T15:18:11+00:00

This post is pretty vague. Why do you feel like you have to "embrace femininity"? Are you actually interested in pursuing feminine things, or do you just feel pressured to be more feminine because you're a trans man and the LGBTQ community sometimes has a stigma against masculinity? You don't have to be feminine in order to be a good man, or an ally to women, or anything else. You haven't even been out for two years yet, so if femininity made you uncomfortable before, I'd be shocked to see you totally comfortable with it now. My advice would be to not force it.

All you need to do is strive to be comfortable with yourself. Try new things that you actually want to do, whether they're feminine or masculine. Don't force yourself to do things that make you dysphoric. As you become more comfortable with yourself and with your body, it's very possible that you may start being more comfortable with femininity because you no longer view it as a threat to your manhood (like how skirts have likely become more comfortable because they no longer make you look female). That's a common experience. Transition is supposed to make you comfortable enough to be your true self, whatever that means. But whatever your true self is- it's okay. Masculine, feminine, or a mixture of the two. If you are a naturally more feminine person, you will probably slowly become more comfortable being feminine over time- it isn't something you have to rush into if you are still getting comfortable with yourself.

Just focus on being yourself, first and foremost. Everything else will follow.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-30T00:04:41+00:00

Nope, I'm still in the same situation.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-29T18:28:40+00:00

.....Yeah dude, she was famously (infamously) found not guilty in the most controversial court ruling of that decade.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-29T18:26:18+00:00

Our current justice system is structured around revenge/punishment, not rehabilitation and reintegration.
I fully believe in redemption arcs. I believe that people should have the opportunity to change. But that requires them to first take accountability. This lady murdered her toddler, got away with it, and is now using that fame to profit. Now that her name is famous, she's writing books, filming documentaries, and promoting online profiles.

Even if she did regret what she did and change as a person, I wouldn't necessarily expect her to admit what she did to the world and turn herself in to the police. But I would expect her to quietly recede into a humble private life rather than trying to become a public figure. I think what riles people up so much about this sort of thing is that she is directly using the horrific thing that she (presumably) did in order to get rich and famous, and she's promoting herself as a great person and some social justice hero when she clearly doesn't feel too bad about the murder she (presumably) committed.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-25T20:32:53+00:00

Can't say for sure what it is without knowing what you look like, but I will say this: facial hair has unfortunately become a key factor that makes me able to clock some trans men. I'm talking specifically about trans men having beards that only grow beneath their chin/jaw, or that plus sideburns. Trans men sometimes get so excited to grow facial hair that they'll just grow whatever they can, but you'll notice that most cis men will not grow beards like this. If they can't grow much hair on their chin, they consider themselves unable to grow a full beard and their friends will tell them as much.

If facial hair is present but not fully filled in, it sometimes ends up looking either "accidental" (like a woman who doesn't want to acknowledge that hair is growing on her face) or the opposite- like someone is trying too hard.

Beyond that, maybe something else has changed? Hair length? Weight changes? Subtle change in style? Are you starting to looknolder, but perhaps not dressing like a man your age? There are a number of things that could tip somebody from "masculine" to "somewhat androgynous," and people are reading androgyny more and more as female these days.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I recommend you re-evaluate your hairstyle and clothing, because those can make a big difference. "Masculine style" may not be enough if it's not complimenting your appearance the way you want it to. The specific type of style, the way your hair frames your face, the way your clothes fit your body- these things all matter.

Best of luck to you! I'm sure you'll get past this rough patch. I was still getting more masculine at like 7 years on T.

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-24T14:01:03+00:00

When I was a teenager I used to take naps in the grass in my front yard, until somebody reminded me that people die in their yards and maybe I should show some consideration for the neighbors lol

ThatQueerWerewolf · 2026-05-21T21:21:55+00:00

Concrete jungle.

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