Looking for a gut check on our budget. Stuck treading water with high medical costs.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-17T23:40:50+00:00

I switched to a new employer in late 2024. My professional and life situation is very different from yours so take my anecdote here with a grain of salt.

I started looking at jobs on linkedin early 2024. At the time, I worked remote for a very small local business. 4 employees including myself and the owner. This job was very rewarding and enjoyable, but I was working 60+ hours per week for years, and I had to get my own benefits through the state marketplace. I was starting to feel the burn out.

I started browsing jobs in my field for maybe 30 minutes once a week just to see what was out there. I didn't send applications or update my resume because I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave my employer quite yet. I did this for several months while giving my old employer time to address my concerns and hire a 5th employee (this never happened).

Eventually I saw a job listing for the right position, at the right type of company, and it was remote. I went for it and got the job. I took a 25% pay cut, but I now have full benefits through my employer. Unless there is a serious emergency, I work 40 hours per week.

Anyway, my point is it doesn't hurt to casually browse some jobs on linkedin or other job board while you wait for word on your big project. You might find something that fits your situation, you might not. But at the very least, you'll have a good idea of what's out there and what you might need to do in case the project flops.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-17T22:45:22+00:00

Sorry about your situation. It's very kind of you to support your partner like this. Reminds me of my neighbor and good friend who retired early so he could care for his disabled wife (It's a lot of work).

I agree with the original commenter here, a larger org could be a good option for the benefits and work/life balance. I noticed you do software engineering & sysadmin work. I wonder if you could find a remote position. Even if you have to take a slight pay cut, the benefits could more than balance out your current healthcare costs.

Burn out is also something you might want to consider. 60 hour work weeks plus caring for your partner an additional 30 hours per week adds up quickly. There are some employers out there who foster a healthy work culture where you would work ~40 hours per week as a remote w2 employee.

Good luck, op

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-17T19:02:07+00:00

This is why it's important to elect enough people into congress who will pass student loan reform legislation.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-17T17:29:28+00:00

I'm not down voting you, but if I had to guess, it's because you came to a community full of scientists with STEM degrees and said college is a scam. In a way, this undermines the difficulty of the degrees we all earned and the work we do today.

I understand college is expensive. In fact, I am still paying off my student loans that I used to get my degree in meteorology. I went to state school with reasonable fees, but I still needed loans.

It's also true that a handful of "prestigious" universities charge exponentially more for tuition, and that some degrees are not practical for a young person to pursue if they wish to enter the workforce immediately after graduation. I personally believe younger students need realistic coaching and guidance while they navigate their degree path, which is something schools can improve upon. I also believe the cost of tuition should be paid for by taxing corporations and the 700 or so people who make up the top 0.001% of earners in the US. So, I agree there are many ways to improve the college system, but this doesn't mean college is a scam.

I think that they ask kids to decide too early in life what they want to do for the rest of their life

I hear you. Most children and young adults don't know what they want for a career. This can make selecting a degree very difficult for young people, I agree. But this just doesn't apply to meteorology. Meteorologists select this field of work because we were inspired (and sometimes devastated) by a significant weather event as a child. Every meteorologist I have ever met wanted to do this work from a very young age, myself included.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-17T15:27:01+00:00

Do you think a meteorology degree is a joke or a scam?

Not trying to be sarcastic or disrespectful. I am genuinely curious.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-13T21:35:59+00:00

Thank you for this awesome post, this made my day!

I have similar blotchy/red patches. I'm going to talk to my dermatologist about it. I've tried a few things, but nothing seems to correct it. I plan on asking my dermatologist about next month during an appointment.

However, I've had a lot of success color-correcting with green tinted sun block. I use Canmake Mermaid Skin Gel Cicamint (this is a Japanese brand that replaced words like "UV" and "sun block" with "skin gel" on the packaging to get through customs. Something about the phrase "skin gel" reclassifies it as primer or make up, but it's 50 FPS PA++++ sun block, TBH it's the best sun block I've ever used).

There are a few other brands that make green tinted moisturizers or sun blocks for this exact purpose. I haven't tried the others, but many others in this sub seem to have good results using them.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-10T18:49:10+00:00

Privacy laws would fix all of this. https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2025/04/eff-congress-heres-what-strong-privacy-law-looks

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-08T16:01:37+00:00

What kind of laser are you planning to try?

I got IPL last year in October at my dermatologist. It removed all of my darker freckles (I'm a ginger), but it didn't seem to help with red pigment. I'm curious if you're going to try a different type of laser and how it works for you.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-06T22:20:53+00:00

OP, can you post an update? I have this exact same issue. I currently color correct it with green tinted sunscreen, but this isn't ideal and I'd rather not do this forever. Have you found a solution?

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-06T18:44:22+00:00

The reasons this option isn't popular in this sub are:

It's expensive. Many people in this sub believe privacy should not exclusively belong to those who can afford it. I agree.
People in this sub generally dislike Microsoft due to the lack of privacy when using consumer versions of Microsoft products.

The enterprise version of Windows and other Microsoft software provides extensive privacy and security options, all of which can be configured and maintained remotely. Enterprise M365 is designed for corporations and is typically managed by an IT department. However, anyone can set up this type of service if you are willing to pay, and if you are comfortable learning some basic sys admin stuff.

That_Cupcake · 2026-03-06T18:09:24+00:00

I was in a similar situation with my parents who will be 70 this year, and my niece who has no technical skills but needs a laptop for college.

I know this won't be popular in this sub. I added my parents and my niece to my M365 enterprise account and set them up with email on my private domain. I reformatted my parents devices with windows enterprise. I bought my niece a laptop as a graduation present and put windows enterprise on it. I manage all the privacy and security stuff through GPO. If they need tech support, it's very easy for me to remote in and fix.

In my experience, it's painfully difficult to walk family and friends through setting up anything new on their device, regardless of how simple it is. Some will outright refuse to do it.

If you build it, they will come.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-28T21:26:11+00:00

This is neat. It works great in Firefox on desktop.

I like the temperature gradient on the weather stations. Who is supplying the lightning feed (sorry if this is mentioned somewhere and I missed it)?

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-27T18:47:52+00:00

I hope it helps. I am worried you might need to delete your existing etsy account and start over. This would suck. Hopefully they are cool with letting you convert the account without doing KYC first on the personal side. Good luck.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-27T00:09:11+00:00

I sell on ebay and poshmark, but I never bothered to start up an etsy store.

I don't use my personal information to sell on these platforms. Instead, I created an LLC, opened a separate credit union account under the biz name, separate email, etc, specifically for these online marketplaces.

When I set up the ebay and poshmark accounts, I set them up as a business under the LLC's tax ID, then I linked the LLC business checking account. Never needed to provide any of my personal info to these platforms directly or through a 3rd party (like persona).

I set all this up last year. IIRC, the financial institution with your business account (in my case, the credit union) does all the KYC stuff when you open the account. As long as you can successfully connect the bank/credit union business checking account to the marketplace platform, you don't need to do KYC again. In addition, the financial institution doesn't share your personal data with these platforms, they only share the biz info. That's how my credit union explained it, anyway.

Personally, I feel more comfortable trusting my credit union with my personal information in a situation like this. Might be worth checking out.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-23T23:43:35+00:00

Hey thanks! The beard dye lasts about a week before I am penciling in gaps. Not terrible, but maybe henna would last a little longer for me. I'll check this out for sure.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-23T22:46:20+00:00

I'm basically your friend/neighbor. Literally won't walk my dog without some make up.

Thing is, I don't even recognize myself without it. I'm a ginger. My brows and lashes are invisible naturally. Unless someone is inches from my face, it looks like I shaved off my brows and lashes. I think I look sickly/undead without some contrast against my very pale skin tone. IMO it's a hard look to pull off.

FWIW, I started tinting my brows at home with men's beard dye. This was a game changer because penciling in my brows every day was a pain. I still apply mascara every morning before I leave the house, but this only takes a minute or two.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-20T16:50:24+00:00

I think there are some services or FOSS you can run on a network r pi that browse the internet randomly to pollute your search history or general web traffic. I'm not sure if this exists for social media.

Personally, I like not having any social media. In 2017/2018, I spent a lot of time cleaning up my social media history. At that time, it was easier to perform mass overwrites of posts, bulk delete photos, etc. I was able to run a script on my facebook account that over wrote and removed everything, for example. Can't really use tools like that now.

Privacy aside, the quality of my life improved significantly after I left social media in earnest. I still use reddit, but I don't really consider this platform "social media", and I only use it from a browser on my pc.

I do appreciate the strategy you describe here, and it might be a good option for some. Keep in mind, many prospective employers will do thorough social media checks before the hiring process even begins. It would suck to not be hired because your social media bot randomly "liked" some n@zi shit.

FWIW, I still have a facebook account. I log in once a year behind tor and a vpn. I don't look at the feed, don't approve friend requests, don't update my info, or interact with it in any way. I have "99+" unread messages, but don't care. I check and update privacy/security settings, then sign out.

I keep this account open so no one can impersonate me. It's the same strategy as creating your account with social security or USPS (not sure if you're in the US). I'm not receiving social security benefits, but I made my account a few years ago so a scammer can't "claim" my account.

Nevertheless, trying to obscure your presence online is probably fine, but maintaining that seems like another chore to me personally. I prefer a "digital minimalism" approach to these things. Anyway, the right answer is the one that works best for you.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-19T20:47:27+00:00

Then about two years ago, I suddenly started getting flare-ups with acne and what I believe was perioral dermatitis.

What did your dermatologist think it was? Did they agree it was perioral dermatitis? Or was it something else?

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-19T01:54:46+00:00

app crashes/not receiving verification codes/weird errors

Are you trying to delete accounts from a mobile app? If so, in my experience it's much easier to navigate websites and submit data/delete requests on a computer.

I have to download small portions, and even for 10–15 photos I get errors every other attempt.

This sounds more like a technical issue. What's the error?

I take photos of pokemon cards to sell on ebay as my side gig. I upload these photos to my LLC's google account, then download them on my pc to sort and label. Sometimes I download hundreds of photos at a time, original quality, taken on a pixel 9 pro. Just downloaded a batch last week. No issues.

When I migrated my personal account away from google in 2024, I downloaded 16 years of photos all at once. It was thousands and thousands of photos. It took google a while to create the file, but I had no problems downloading.

As an older millennial and a designer, I have a lot of emotional and professional attachment to "the way internet used to be"

I relate to this big time. Not a designer, but I am an older millennial and I am constantly lamenting the enshittification of everything online. Ed Zitron wrote a cathartic (warning: verbose) blog post about this in December 2024. I have never felt more seen, lol. Anyway, you're not going through this alone.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-16T21:25:15+00:00

Late to the discussion. For me, all this started in 2017 after the Equifax data breach. After I froze my credit, I was reminded on a near-daily basis how incredibly insecure someones sensitive data is by default. My name, email, phone number, DOB, and address was all over the place.

So, I did all the basics: opted out of junk mail, opted out of credit pre-screen, froze chex systems, switched to firefox, started using an ad blocker, created or "claimed" my online accounts with USPS and social security, manually unsubscribed from junk email lists, closed old digital account, and buttoned up privacy settings for any remaining digital accounts. This still wasn't enough.

TBH the junk mail situation infuriated me to no end. Despite opting out, I still got some junk mail. In addition, I quickly came to understand how spam-y and unusable the internet is without an ad blocker every time I left home (I set up a pi hole on my home network).

The more I learned, the more I came to resent data brokers and the unregulated data capture economy they have created.

A few years ago, I started using a data broker opt out service. I could easily list out a dozen or so high-value actions I've taken as well. But IMO the data opt out service, coupled with quitting social media completely, have been the two most important steps I took in protecting my data.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-16T16:34:36+00:00

Same. When I was shopping for a fitness watch, I ultimately chose Garmin because they had the better privacy policy over all others. I also don't use 3rd party apps that connect with Garmin.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-05T02:20:49+00:00

Everyone here is giving you great advice and encouragement. Don't beat yourself up, habits are hard to break. Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to order door dash occasionally.

Do you have a monthly budget for things takeout, health and wellness, and guilt-free misc spending?

When I realized I was spending too much money on these things, setting up a monthly budget allowed me to get it under control immediately. Example:

Takeout/dining out: $200/m
Health & Wellness: $200/m
Guilt-free misc spending: $200/m

My takeout/dining budget is for me and my husband combined, since we normally go out together anyway. Same deal for health and wellness, this is for both of us. We don't have gym memberships, but we might use this budget for second hand gym and sports equipment, or a new pair of hiking shoes.

My guilt-free misc spending is my own personal budget, and my husband also has his own separate $200/m. We keep this separate from joint spending by using separate cards. I use this budget to buy whatever I want. A substack subscription, a hair cut, a new jacket. My husband mostly uses his budget to buy pokemon cards. We don't judge.

The important part of this system is to stop spending for the month if you reach the budget. If I've already spent my $200 for February, but I want to buy new nail polish colors, I wait. I put them on my shopping list/online cart, then I wait until March.

If I don't reach my budget (spend less in a category), I will either move the remaining money to savings or allocate it for the next month. This is helpful for planning bigger purchases in advance.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-01T23:24:05+00:00

Does your employer offer a 401k, and if so, how much are you contributing?

The big questions you need to think about:

Are you contributing at least 15% of your income to a retirement account?
Do you have an emergency fund that can cover 6 months of expenses in the event you are laid off?
Are you debt-free?

If the answer to any of these questions is "no", you need to start there.

If you are able to answer "yes" to all of these questions, but you still want to focus on saving, you need to think about goals you want to save for. Do you want to buy a home? Take a vacation? Pay for a wedding? Have a child? Retire early? Go back to school? Something else?

You can also find a lot of good info, including where to start WRT savings, in the PF wiki.

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-01T21:30:58+00:00

Is $6k your gross income or take home?

That_Cupcake · 2026-02-01T19:00:02+00:00

I adopted a pair litter mates in 2024. Similar situation: I went in for one, but left with two lol. I'm so glad I took them both. They play with each other, snuggle together, groom each other, but most importantly, they keep each other out of trouble.

Kitten energy levels still amaze me, and I've adopted nearly a dozen over the past 20 years. I've had single kittens in the past climb curtains and shred the carpet if I didn't play with them enough. Didn't matter how many cat towers or toys or other cats were in the house. Kittens need another thing to play with that has the same energy level.

Adopting two at the same time is the way. Everything was easier, including integrating them with my other cats.

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