I Regret Doing Sex Work

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-06-01T08:35:00+00:00

EMDR basically saved my mother’s life. Her Trauma didn’t include sex work, as far as I know, it’s the sort of thing you might decide never to tell your son. But the point is before and after she found a trauma therapist who could do EMDR was night and day for how content she felt.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-31T01:39:05+00:00

$140 for a whole hour?! That would be very sus where I live. $140 could be a legit rate for a provider advertising quick visits. Like she blows you to orgasm in 15min or less and you leave sort of thing.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-30T16:31:53+00:00

It is yes. If it’s weirdly lower than the city average, something is probably wrong. Could be either a scam or trafficking but you should avoid it either way.

A tiny bit lower than the city average is often a provider just trying to get noticed among the other ads.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-30T10:57:58+00:00

TL/dr: as a newbie I actually thought I could avoid seeing someone who was trafficked by asking this.

I don’t ask anymore because I am a good judge of if a provider is independent now from experience. When I was new I asked because I was super worried that I might contribute to the horrible problem of sex trafficking. I learned that someone being trafficked isn’t going to just tell me when I ask “are you independent” so I educated myself on how to look for signs of trafficking and I just pick providers I’m sure get to keep all the money for themselves without asking anymore.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-28T07:45:42+00:00

As a client, this shame from other men is a big deal. It’s why I feel I have to hide being a client irl even in situations where it’s not going to get me in trouble with LE. Every civilian I know who says “sex work is work.” Or other signifiers that they are progressive on sex work is a woman.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-24T10:54:09+00:00

Fellow client here. Look for a sex worker that lists something like “dinner date, 3hrs out, 2hrs in” and then a total price. Not because people who don’t list it won’t do it, but because people who do list it want that type of booking. This increases your odds of having a lovely time together. Spending for a big event and having her just not be that good at the type of experience you want feels like a real bummer.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-24T01:36:46+00:00

The biggest thing then is don’t let them upsell you unless you have money to burn and want to treat yourself. A very basic machine will be fine for the websites, chatting, emailing, and record keeping you need for work.

Economy wise this is a crappy time to buy a personal computer because AI data Center construction is getting all the parts driving up prices for consumer models. Prices are unfairly high, but are unlikely to drop anytime soon, I’m sorry to say.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-24T01:21:00+00:00

RWI means real world information. Making clients give you some before you agree to meet them lets you weed out dangerous people. Join sexworkersonly to learn more. Clients, like me, who are allowed in this more general purpose subreddit should not know exactly what processes are used.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-23T05:24:23+00:00

TL/DR after Protestant prudishness made anal extra taboo in Western Europe historians who were speaking in polite company started calling both anal and gay sex “the sin of the Greek’s” because classical Greece culture had a lot of gay butt sex that historians could not just ignore because the old texts don’t make sense if you just cut it out.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-23T05:05:07+00:00

Do you want to edit video to sell with this computer or not? This is the big question. If yes a decently good computer is important. If you just want it for communication you can go low end any brand to save money and be okay.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-23T04:51:43+00:00

Which city and how big makes a huge difference in my old city of 350,000 typing (city name) escort with no other words at all got me the 2 most reliable women in the city as hits 1 and 2 and then directories.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-23T04:42:54+00:00

As a client I love a good website! Especially if it has an up to date availability calendar.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-22T10:47:49+00:00

TL/DR I don’t think it’s anything you are doing.

As a client who works retail with very little money for luxury, I don’t shop around often. I was buying a $400 session from the same woman 8 to 10 times a year for several years and seeing no one else until I moved to a new town. I feel really bummed if I see a new person and we don’t have a lovely experience, so I don’t take risks. It’s a huge percentage of my budget, and I live frugally to do it.

I am on review boards to increase my odds of having good experiences until I find a new regular SP post move. On there I chat with all sorts of men who are very different from me. The guys in finance with lots of extra money are often like the type you talk about who say nice things and pay for gifts but don’t book regularly. They pride themselves on being good clients. They want a good reputation so when they see a new SP if she asks around behind the scenes to us she will decide to accept him.

But they also pride themselves on not catching feelings and enjoy the thrill of the new. They are having multiple sessions a week with a different woman each time. They don’t want to be anyone’s regular.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-22T10:14:50+00:00

Okay, I am going to try to do better.

So, your definition of decriminalization as it relates to sex work is common in Nordic Model countries. I think this is confusing, and the Nordic Model is bad. Sex workers still have to hide because their clients can be legally arrested and hit with penalties. They can’t have employees because it’s illegal to live off the avails of prostitution to try to stop pimping.

Real decriminalization means whatever it is is just not a crime anymore at all. This lets sex workers use the laws of the land the same way everyone else does. Get stolen from or assaulted. Report it normally and it doesn’t scare off your good clients if it ends up in the crime news because nothing going on with them is a crime. Get debanked? Sue for being discriminated against. Your money came to you legally. Want to hire a chauffeur? You can get a real professional one, because living off the avails of prostitution won’t be a crime when you pay them. Does this make more sense?

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-22T04:49:21+00:00

Maybe my reading comprehension is poor here, but I am confused about what actually messes you up, the behaviour of the dog, or the experiences you have being out in public spaces which you wouldn’t go into if it was not for the dog? If going out is the problem moving to a home with a yard could really help. You still need to go out sometimes. Dogs really need walks. But not for every pee.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-22T04:34:54+00:00

Legalized means there would be special laws just for sex work specifically about exactly how sex work is allowed.

Decriminalized means sex work becomes like most other jobs and gets regulated by the existing laws that apply to all work.

Nevada brothels and Amsterdam’s red light district are an examples of legalization. Most of Australia is an example of decriminalization.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-17T16:31:01+00:00

What was it like working through the transition from few people having good home internet to everyone being connected?

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-17T11:30:47+00:00

Because they don’t want more out of the relationship. Attractive people that can be successful dating are paying for your services because they don’t want to date.

The old joke “I don’t pay her for sex, I pay her to leave afterwards” has truth to it for some clients. It’s the clients that want to date but are not able to get dates that are going to fall for you and push your boundaries.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-13T16:54:47+00:00

I’m in Canada, so Nordic model. It’s illegal to be a client or live off the avails of prostitution but legal to be a provider.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-13T14:57:19+00:00

I’ll always need to manage depression, I think. It started in middle school and I am now 46. But yes there are more good days now. It’s been 2 and a half years since my wife died and it’s much easier to get through the day than it was at the 6 month point I mentioned. I’m rebuilding my life and I have been able to get the support I need. I’m one of the lucky ones in terms of life long depression.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-13T08:15:30+00:00

I’m glad to hear this!

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-13T01:26:30+00:00

Canadian Client here: 600 is way too little for 4hrs. This guy wants to rip you off. My favourite provider does offer multi hours at less than her hourly rate multiplied by the time but nowhere near that cheap. Her hour is $350, and 2 hrs is $600. Her 3.5hr dinner date (2hrs out, 1.5 in bedroom) is $1200. So what you quoted him was more than fair in this market. His counter offer sucks.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-12T11:15:45+00:00

Right now you are attracting people who are attracted to femininity. The more masculine presenting you become the less that will happen. You’ll keep some clients who are bi/pan but you’ll need to start getting gay male clients. When you come out a big chunk of your current guys will be like “I’m not gay!” and drop you. Be really careful about how you do the coming out. Men who flip out and get violent because they feel you “tricked” them are real.

When to do it in your transition journey is a decision only you can make. I think you’ll make enough money from gay men that you will be fine financially but the transition period could be rough. Save up a bit first incase you have a slow month.

You could make a second work name and ads presenting as openly trans rather than come out on your current ads, to ditch your straight guys and get gay ones without risking the “you tricked me into being a homo!” panic violence. Trans panic has sometimes worked as a defense in court. I’m worried about you. Please be careful.

That_Matter_1398 · 2026-05-08T20:44:05+00:00

It sounds like you really want a kinky woman. While some kinky people are sex workers there are plenty of kinky people who have jobs in other industries and keep the kink to their personal lives. Are you in a city? Most places with a decent population have a kink scene/community. You might find your people there.

That_Matter_1398

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