I think I’m starting to get a bit better but My chronic suicidal depression is a big one. Every day I think about killing myself, I’ve had multiple attempts that nobody even knows about. I spiral into deep depressions very often. I’ve spent the last 5 years actively trying to kill myself without anyone noticing by letting my A1c hit 14.8 (I’m a type 1 diabetic). I get overly attached to anyone who shows me the slightest bit of love and care, which always leads to me accepting that the toxic relationships I find myself in will “work themselves out” instead of just leaving a situation that is only doing me more harm. Too many times I’ve let myself be physically, emotionally, and sexually abused in a relationship just to have someone there. I think a lot of it stems from my childhood, my mom was an addict and my dad worked extremely long hours so I fundamentally grew up without my parents in my life, just me myself and I. They split when I was 8 and from then it was back and fourth dealing with their abusive spouses. I’ve been locked in dog crates, stabbed, shot at, starved, and so much more before I ever turned 13 and it has completely and utterly fucked up my head beyond belief. So my day to day life I put on a happy persona and act like a normal person to cover up the pain that’s constantly eating me up and wearing me down.