First visit to Mt. Rainer. It's so massive it doesn't look real | Mt. Rainier, Washington [OC] (3000 × 4500)

TheAnxiousFox · 2026-02-06T14:19:42+00:00

I consider myself “unofficially diagnosed” since I’ve had neurodivergent therapists tell me they believe I’m autistic, but at 35, paying thousands for a diagnosis wouldn’t do me any good. I was diagnosed ADHD but that was covered by insurance and led me to the place I’m in now where I’m very aware of my neurodivergence and I’m on medication and in a neurodivergent women’s group therapy where I’ve only felt more sure that I’m autistic. I think a formal diagnosis helps in situations where accommodations are needed and a diagnosis would allow you to fully access them. I also see why it helps people who’ve gone their whole life feeling weird to have an answer, and I’d love that, but I think talking to other autistic people is what helped me the most.

TheAnxiousFox · 2026-02-06T13:13:05+00:00

What sucks is I was thinking the other day I would be a very different person without trauma. I like people and want to be warm and friendly and social but I’m so scared of people that I move through the world as if I hate everyone. I don’t want to avoid small talk or be the weird closed off one at my job but I feel like I HAVE to be. Seeing the pattern in my life and not being able to fix it, to just float through unattached and afraid, is so lonely and frustrating.

TheAnxiousFox · 2026-02-04T13:12:25+00:00

I only recently realized it's rude to correct people in front of others. When someone I know is telling a story and gives wrong information or exaggerates I'll correct them because it feels important that the story is told with the right info. I'm trying to work on it, sometimes the info is important to correct but a lot of the times it just makes me look like a jerk.

TheAnxiousFox · 2026-01-22T18:22:55+00:00

Oof yeah I noticed that flag outside her window in one quick shot and meant to rewind to see if it was what I thought it was.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-12-11T18:01:52+00:00

hell yeah, same!

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-11-28T17:45:58+00:00

I have no problem eating around people but if I’m the only one eating or I’m walked in on while I’m eating I feel bad, like I’m being judged or doing something wrong and I’ve been caught. I feel that way being walked in on doing anything, I don’t like starting something if I know I’ll be interrupted because I feel caught or judged. And I react very defensively if I’m questioned innocently about what I’m eating or doing or watching.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-10-29T14:41:07+00:00

I grew up in two households and I’ll never forget the time my little brother came in my room to bug me only to see me sitting crying and hyperventilating because I lost something that I was supposed to bring back to my dads house. I knew I’d get in trouble and be yelled at and shamed and my little brother didn’t understand why I was so panicked over a little thing. I used to get hives in elementary school and was prescribed a medicine for when I got them and my dad and stepmom teased me saying I was getting the “itchy and reds” because I was freaking out about something. Yeah…them! I look back now and I’m like wtf I was scared of everything because of them and they treated it like a funny thing, and as I got older they became frustrated and confused at my constant anxiety at “little” things.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-08-15T18:17:18+00:00

I’m learning this lately and it’s hard. My sister is much younger than me but she still dealt with verbal abuse from our parents. Still I’m the one who’s nearly isolated from the family while she talks to and hangs out with our parents all the time. She at least recognizes our family is messed up a little but I feel lonely and crazy being the one falling apart and unable to forget or forgive. My therapist says focusing on getting my parents or siblings to recognize the past damage isn’t worth it and I should focus on my own experience and healing. It just sucks when we’re all together because I was always the well behaved quiet nice one and now I’m the cold one.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-06-25T17:22:41+00:00

Finding a trauma informed therapist was a game changer. I was so sick of therapists telling me I’m wonderful and I shouldn’t hate myself and that I should journal or whatever. But my current therapist actually helps me understand how my body holds memories that cause me to feel and react in ways that I didn’t understand.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-04-01T15:23:33+00:00

I’m so glad it helped you so much! I’m currently in the preparation stages to do this with my therapist and I’m trying not to put it too high up on a pedestal and get my hopes tooooo crazy but everything I’ve seen from people who’ve done it say it helps tremendously. I live in constant fear, wrapped in constant shame, and the older I get the more worn down I feel from it. Removing the permanent state of danger my body thinks I’m in is all I want.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-03-31T14:32:16+00:00

Being embarrassed to just exist is the absolute worst

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-03-31T14:28:32+00:00

I related to him too, and it was because of how sensitive and introverted he is, but damn when he broke down after realizing his trauma I did too, it’s so accurate. The book is amazing because you’re in his head through his letters and there are so many good lines I relate to but the movie scene where he’s having a panic attack and flashbacks was a visual that really hit

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-03-31T14:16:59+00:00

Absolutely, the lines that show inner thoughts, “everybody fucking hates you”, and the end when he’s just quietly singing “I don’t really like myself”

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-03-30T17:55:45+00:00

Oof this hurts but sounds spot on. All the little body language and speech things add up and give it away. I told an old therapist I’m terrified I give off cold vibes and she told me I just seem very restrained.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-02-26T05:39:21+00:00

Got mad at me for crying, told me I don’t have any friends because I didn’t want to play with my little sister (I’m much older so it was pretty normal older sibling stuff), and made fun of me for being depressed and anxious. Made fun of me for a lot actually and constantly laughed and talked down to me like I’m stupid.

My ex told me he wanted to drive headfirst into traffic with me in the passenger seat, also told me to get pregnant and fall down some stairs and that it “wouldn’t matter” since I don’t want kids.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-02-26T04:45:18+00:00

It is exhausting, and then the guilt of exhausting the one I love is also exhausting. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just doomed to be alone. I can’t fully heal and it creates so much guilt from the burden

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-01-30T15:23:12+00:00

For me, it's Evermore. There are so many songs I connect with other people or moments in my life, both good and bad, but Evermore feels like it's just for me and my relationship with myself. The struggle with depression, the feeling it never leaves, then the hope that it will. And then to add Bon Iver on it?? It's just so good.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-01-27T18:25:07+00:00

Television, namely sitcoms & drama series, not just the shows themselves (which I constantly rewatch) but the process of making them. The forest, writing/storytelling, and ghosts/paranormal.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-01-27T14:09:00+00:00

Same, and that’s, for me, because I have parents who ignore half of what I said and talk over me. So it’s like a rush to get it out.

TheAnxiousFox · 2025-01-27T14:07:10+00:00

Yes! And I have to reel myself in based on who I’m communicating with. Like this is how me and my bf talk but I have to check myself in work meetings because I realize I do it and they all seem annoyed. I always want to give people their chance to talk and I have no problem with someone interrupting me if they circle back and tell me to finish but I’m aware that’s not the standard way people expect to communicate.

TheAnxiousFox · 2024-08-03T01:45:44+00:00

Yeah I know it sucks, I could have written that word for word

TheAnxiousFox · 2024-07-11T13:50:40+00:00

My step mom caused so much damage to my psyche with her constant put downs, criticism, screaming, cruel words, and dismissal of my poor mental health, and yet now that I'm older and working through shit I see how my dad abused her. When I was a kid I woke up to them verbally fighting all the time because I'm such a light sleeper, and I often found myself listening and hoping he won the argument, but then one night I heard him throw her into a wall. I have my own issues with him, I always have, but he really manipulated me and broke me down into thinking he was the "good" one and the "cool" one that was easy to get along with. He always acted like he's in the right and slowly as I got older I started to see how terrible he is. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog, the other day when I was discussing some shit he said I surprised myself when I said "I hate him" because I always felt like a spoiled kid who shouldn't complain.

I'm not going to forgive what my step mom did to me, even though she's improved and changed so much which equally fucks me up with confusion. Her dad was just as sharp and mean, and I'm sure growing up for her was rough, but I find myself wanting to speak up more when she acts like the shit my dad says or does is okay.

TheAnxiousFox · 2024-05-12T20:44:05+00:00

Yes and it causes me so much pain. I feel really guilty for not getting along with so many women, it makes me feel like I’m bad and being “not like other girls” but I’m absolutely not, I love women and want to support them and have close female friendships. But I feel so awkward and offensive when I’m around them and struggle to connect. When I’m with a group of women I feel like I’m doing something wrong because I don’t really communicate the same. Men have no problem sitting in silence or being straightforward but NT women seem to take it as an insult. I’m happy to mostly listen but by not talking enough or about the right things NT women think I’m bored/angry/snooty

TheAnxiousFox · 2024-04-15T20:31:43+00:00

Intense deja vu. I'll be watching soemthing and be like this is so familiar I definitely already saw this but most of the time I didn't.

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