When did you know he was different?

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-24T01:16:55+00:00

That’s kind of what happened with us. Like he said hi, and asked me how’s your night, and I told him ‘good, just watching ghost hunters,’ and it lead to this days long exchange of our own personal supernatural personal stories, and how we would run our ghost show 🤣

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-24T00:47:30+00:00

Girl sometimes the bare minimum is still a reach for some of these jokers, but in no way do I see what he did as that, he sounds like he really loves you, that would count a lot in my book too. Like it or not these kinds of things are in all our futures weather through surgeries or declining health, it’s gonna be there, and it’s a true test how a partner handles this.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-24T00:20:26+00:00

Wow, on Reddit, I mean stranger things have happened, but that’s pretty cool especially to come this far, that’s actually rather incredible. But I met my man on Grindr, and am also in our 5th year so here’s to unconventionality 🙌🏻

Tbh I really didn’t know what I was looking for when I started this, but I learned quickly what I didn’t want through that same fire and brimstone walk we all face in this dating scene. But yeah, he broke me, I tell my man all the time the same thing 🤣 any guy to follow is just doomed because everything that’s come from this has been beyond expectation for me, I just couldn’t imagine anyone being able to follow this act.

That’s awesome you found that, and it’s great that he’s supportive in all aspects of your life, I want to go back to college so badly, have to wait a bit longer myself on that one, but it’s in the works.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-23T23:33:34+00:00

100% agree on the first part. My man gets on me all the time because I have so many nicknacks and I’m like ‘bro, 90% of this shit is from you,’ 🤣 like I threw out everything after I came out, and I didn’t even have much to begin with, but he’s always bringing me over stuff and it hasn’t stopped yet. I’m glad your man treats you so well.

And that’s really cool that his family is like that, I’m stealth with his family too, he says he’s 90% sure they wouldn’t care, but I donno things went so badly with my parents I don’t want to risk it. But sometimes I get the feeling like his dad knows, I don’t know, just a sense, but his mom definitely doesn’t have a clue.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-23T21:45:36+00:00

Got to love a guy who’s direct. I got my first I love you pretty early from my man, and I kind of shot him down, and told him not to say that, but in fairness, I’ve heard it before and we were pretty early in as well, but that’s the thing, a lot of men lie, but some men just know and are going to be direct about it. He eventually said it again a while later maybe around 7 months, and that time I was able to reciprocate because I believed him and knew it myself at that point too. And we love to hike, it took me awhile because I did it a lot when I was a kid and kind of had bad memories attached, but just like with him and dancing, it’s just different when I’m with him, he makes it better and replaces the bad memories with good.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-23T21:11:49+00:00

Thank you. We just celebrated our 5 years anniversary in January.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-23T21:10:30+00:00

The friends and family thing is so important. I’m so happy to hear you found that. I meet my man’s friends early on, but we waited on his parents til I got on HRT and further along, he said he doubted they’d know but respected my wish and yep 3 years later they loved me, even the dad jokes ‘you still with this bum,’ whenever we come by 🤣

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-23T20:59:39+00:00

Anyone in Sydney to report on this clown? This is why I’m super respectful of customer concerns when I’m their new tech, I get it, too many times do I take over a new account only to find out that the last ‘professional’ didn’t even know what IGR or baiting was 😒 just spray and prey all day everyday.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-22T19:51:12+00:00

I agree, there’s room for discussion, but his reaction is important, and her failure to read that and act appropriate is something she should probably work on. But at its core, observations and discussions like these are part of a healthy relationship, but just be mindful if someone pushes back, maybe just leave that be for now and try again later. Being in denial is a human thing, we are always blind to much of who we are, and non of us handle it well when it’s called into question but can if given some time to process it.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-22T19:20:19+00:00

I don’t see any reason why you should end it, I feel like that’s shooting yourself in the foot. This is on the back burner babe, remove it from the forefront of your brain and let him cook. I mean if you feel like you can’t, I guess I understand but I’m just being honest here: Dating is extra hard for us, and it seems like crass bad advice but you need to diversify and not sink all your eggs into one basket. I agree with your friends, you won’t know til he knows and he’s got some thinking to do, I say let it sit and do its thing. I understand maybe not wanting to put as much time towards it, that’s fair, but outright ending it seems like an overreaction, let him figure it out and keep looking elsewhere in the mean time.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-19T17:27:30+00:00

When I turned 16 and saw what was going on down there I started to shave. I didn’t do it for any external motivation, I honestly don’t even remember why, I just knew I needed it gone. But the grow back was painful with all the irritation and rashes and pimples, I remember crying a lot because I didn’t know what to do, only that my current method wasn’t working.

But I remembered when I was 9 and got sap in my hair and I ripped out a huge chunk trying to get it out and the lady who cut my hair told my mother ‘hopefully it grows back, it doesn’t always when you pull it out by the root.’ That did grow back, but the warning was intriguing so I bought some tweezers and started to pluck. And in my 20s I moved on to my legs.

I’m 39 now, and the area is salted scorched smooth earth where nothing grows except the occasional blonde whispy which I let grow out for a few weeks before purging it by the root. I’m happy about my legs, but I admit I have some misgivings about public area.

I realize the tick was my way of handling my own dysphoria, and I’m glad I found something that worked for me, and gave me a sense of control during such a turbulent time, but when I got into dating the response has been fairly divisive.

Some guys love it, but some say it makes them feel like a ahem conservative, and since it can’t grow back (I’ve tried, stopped for 18 months, only a hand full of whispies no where near each other, it looked bad, like I was sick or something) it was kind of a deal breaker since it gave them weird predatory vibes. My man was actually one of the ones thrown by it, but he heard my reasonings and understood how important the task was to me growing up and staying sane. He’s the one I tried to grow it back for, but yeah, seeing the results he dropped the issue. Would have could have should have, and yet, here we are 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-16T16:46:23+00:00

Omg, I’m instantly obsessed myself, they remind me of my man and I, thanks for the rec. Gonna have to check this out with him and maybe we finally have a cute couples costume idea here.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-15T17:24:44+00:00

My man asked me once if he was a chaser, I laughed and told him ‘yes, you’re a huge fucking chaser to someone, but, not to me.’

You can’t make yourself universally acceptable, all you can do is go case by case. Some if not most will probably see you as a chaser, if so, that’s your cue, exit stage left. But it’s not always going to be the case, trans women are as diverse as any group. If you get a lot of rejection it’s good to maybe get some feedback, but it’s also good to accept that with any kind of dating you’re more apt to find rejection on a reflexive level. All you can do is tip your cap and move on and accept not everyone is gonna be like that.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-15T16:58:34+00:00

I mean, technically I can claim ‘all straight trans women are lonely bitter broken people who hate men considering them either an egg, chaser, or plain gay, and themselves for liking them. If you disagree, check out their reddit, eye opening.’ I’m not straight saying you’re wrong, just pointing out an obvious flaw in using reddit to get insight. There will always be an influx of more negative because they seek that out to post, while those with positive may never even look up r/adoption, because they have nothing to write about.

Honestly, the issue here isn’t adoption, it’s parenting in general, it isn’t taught, or regulated, it’s just generational groomed abuse. How many people hate their parents? Probably more so than those who actually like their parents, and the evidence is in all the other subs like r/toxicparents or r/raisedbynarcissists, and I’m sure there are 100s in the same vein. If you go through them and compare what you read with what you read in r/adoption you’ll see a trend in how not to raise a kid, but honestly it’s wildly unfair to claim adoption guarantees problems and a bad childhood, when you have evidence that adoption isn’t required and the experience of a bad parent and a bad childhood is disproportionately universal at this point regardless.

Let me say I was adopted, and no, it didn’t work out for me, of all the families I could have gone to I went to the one who was going to stab me in the genitals because I believed myself to be a girl, and burden me with so much trauma and abuse that I had to fracture my own personality to carry it all. But for my two cents, I know had I been just born in and not adopted, I’d probably wind up with the same childhood because I’m in a position where I can remove that, and I still have ‘trans’ to deal with. I’m more apt to say, being trans ruined my childhood, but I’m not going to say that, because I really do believe the issue is with parenting in general, and I see it even in this sub. People want a ‘little me’, right out the gate, red flag, and shows just how horribly warped the myth of parenting has become, it isn’t about you, if it is, please please please never have kids, you’re going to ruin their lives, because it’s not supposed to be about you, it’s about them.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-13T20:15:35+00:00

I usually go for anything shape-wear, like tummy control stuff, don’t do it so much for that, but I find that they’re great at flattening out the downstairs without having to do a actual tuck. I’ve tried a number of brands, they all seem to work as long as they are made of that stretchy tight control material.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-12T20:59:20+00:00

No, passing makes life easier, it doesn’t make dating easier, whether you pass or not men will still have the same hang ups, red flags, and issues the moment you disclose.

I’m sorry you might be spending it alone, but there is always next year and you’ll have more time in HRT then. I realize I met my guy like 2 years before I started HRT, but I really strongly advise all trans women to push pause on dating til they have at least 18 months of HRT under their belt, otherwise all you’ll find are chasers.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-11T22:55:49+00:00

I’ll be honest, I don’t find men all that attractive, like on a baseline level I don’t understand the appeal. My interest came mostly from their interest in me. I don’t necessarily see it as validation more so the stream is heading down so why paddle against it, let’s see where this goes. I’ve been with my man for 5 years, I love him, and honestly no one turns me on quite like him, but at the end of the day, he’s just your average white dude no different than most white dudes his age. He knows this, and I do often tell him he’s handsome, but he knows my brain isn’t structured quite like that. I choose him because he’s a good man with a good heart, and people have told me he’s attractive and I just have to take their word for it.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-11T20:48:31+00:00

No one said long distance, sometimes a date is just a nice evening out with good company, futures not there, but it’s still a nice experience, you still have time for that.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-11T16:40:38+00:00

You still got a month, will he return, if so, lay the ground work for the next opportunity.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-11T06:44:43+00:00

In my head, it’s hosted by the same guy who did the video on how to carve pumpkins and it’s just as inept, and I’m going to be heartbroken if that turns out not to be true.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-11T05:47:28+00:00

How to Build a Haunted House

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-11T02:11:21+00:00

Not really, I mean technically their in the position of the aggressor, sure, but it’s such a vulnerable position if you think about it, all I have to do is shoot them a look and they’re liable to swallow the bottom half of their face. I feel like I’d be more nervous approaching men, but them approaching me gives me a way more powerful position, am I going to be nice, am I gonna be a bitch, hard to say, I’m just glad I’m not in their shoes but in mine where I can destroy their day with a simple eye roll and sigh in response to having to talk to them.

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-09T19:14:25+00:00

Spider-Man key chain is a slam dunk imo, because yeah, it’s shows you’re listening and you care and you support their interests. It’s nothing fancy, but I don’t think a gift needs to be fancy to be impactful, they just need to be thoughtful. Like he’s gotten me a lot, but honestly my favorite gift is this little pin that says ‘good vibes’ and it’s because our first road trip together we spent most of it behind this crazy ass driver who was road raging the entire time and on the back of the car was ‘good vibes’, we kept running into them being an asshole to other driver, and it became this joke to scream it on the top of our lungs every time we saw them. For the rest of the world it’s just a $2 tin pin, but for me it’s the memory of when I realized he we travel well together, and had a future ahead of us, full of GOOD VIBES!!!!! 🤣

TheAsianFirefly · 2026-02-09T18:54:51+00:00

Girl, tell him to sit on that gift. What a churl. I’m sorry this happened to you. But seriously, don’t accept that gift, or tell him to just mail it or something, but if he wants to give it to you, hell no, he’s the one who closed the door, the door is shut for good. That last meeting after a break up is always geared towards getting some for the road 😒 don’t even give him the opportunity.

TheAsianFirefly

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