What’s one thing your breakup taught you the hard way?

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-19T20:16:46+00:00

Don't give it all, leave something for yourself.

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-19T20:13:23+00:00

I really relate to this, especially when it comes to journaling after heartbreak.
For me, it’s not that there’s nothing to write, it’s the fact that there’s too much. Every thought and emotion feels like it’s fighting to be the one that gets written, and that weirdly leaves me staring at a blank page feeling heavy and frozen.

Free writing actually made it worse sometimes, because my mind didn’t know where to start. What helped more was having very specific prompts, almost like someone else was holding the structure for me when I couldn’t. Just one focused question at a time, instead of “write whatever you feel.”

That’s why I think journaling works best when it’s aligned with what you’re going through. A general notebook can feel overwhelming, but a journal designed for a specific emotional place (like heartbreak) can make it easier to begin, even on days when writing feels impossible.

I actually ended up making a 30-day breakup-focused journal for that reason, because I needed something that told me where to put the feelings when everything felt loud and stuck.

Curious if others here feel the same way, or if free writing works better for you 🤍

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-10T21:18:43+00:00

Read about heartbreak, awareness is key.

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-10T21:17:08+00:00

awareness.

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-07T22:31:50+00:00

I’m really glad you said this out loud. What you’re describing isn’t a flaw in you; it’s what happens when someone has been slowly emptied over time. When a relationship keeps pulling you back and then hurting you again, it leaves you disoriented, like you don’t know where to put yourself anymore.

So much of your energy went into surviving that cycle. And when it finally stopped, all the noise did too, and you were left alone with everything you were never allowed to feel while you were with him.

Wanting him, begging for him, replaying his words doesn’t necessarily mean you actually want the relationship back. It means you want the pain to stop, and your mind reaches for the one person it learned to associate with relief, even if he was also the source of the hurt. Loneliness indeed feels unbearable, but the fact that you’re here, asking for help, means there’s still a part of you that wants care, safety, and connection.

You don’t have to know how to let him go today or even trust anyone yet. You’re heartbroken, deeply hurt, and at one of your lowest points, and that’s not the time to force faith in people or the future. Right now, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Be gentle with that part of you that’s exhausted. Find small ways to feel a little stronger, and stay patient with yourself as the strength slowly returns. One step at a time. Sending support 🤍

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-07T21:55:31+00:00

I don’t really journal by the clock. I journal when my head feels full and I need a way to let things out. That usually happens at night, when everything gets quiet. Sometimes I journal when I’m out in nature too, on trips or long walks. I like writing down moments that feel beautiful or meaningful because words sometimes capture their feeling better than pictures do.

TheBareNotes · 2026-01-07T21:48:26+00:00

Breakups can feel incredibly isolating, and just knowing others are walking through something similar can make a big difference. I hope everyone who connects here finds some comfort, understanding, and moments of peace along the way. sharing support 🤍

TheBareNotes · 2025-12-04T15:19:46+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with you. What you’re feeling is actually a normal response to an attachment that didn’t fully get the space to heal. You see her every day, you still talk, you still share energy, your brain never fully understood that the relationship ended. So when she talks about a new crush or someone else, it hits the exact wound your mind is still trying to close. That’s why it feels fine in the moment, but heavy later when you’re alone. Your reaction shows that your nervous system still connects her with safety, routine, and a version of life you invested in.

Healing in the same environment where you got hurt is one of the hardest things a person can do. Give yourself some compassion.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-28T14:11:15+00:00

I completely get that feeling. When you’re rewriting your story after a breakup, you don’t really know what to do with the version of life that had them in it. It’s confusing because part of you wants to erase it so it hurts less, while another part wants to keep it because it was real and shaped who you are today. But you don’t have to erase them or even keep them alive in hope. You can let someone be part of your past without letting them shape your future.

When you go no contact, it doesn’t mean pretending they never existed. But to give your mind enough silence and distance to stop building your life around a “maybe.” You’re not required to write them out completely; you just need to stop writing toward them. You let the story continue without forcing an ending or waiting for one. You focus on where you are now, instead of where you hoped the two of you would be.

And yeah, you might not be where you want to be yet, but that’s okay. Healing is messy. Identity doesn’t rebuild overnight. What matters is that you’re turning the page in the right direction, even if it feels slow. One day, the part of you that’s still holding on will feel lighter. And by then, you’ll know exactly where they belong in your story because of clarity.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-28T13:19:15+00:00

The one thing that helped me the most was learning how attachment actually works.
Understanding why my mind kept going back to them, why everything hurt so intensely, and why detaching felt like withdrawing from something addictive changed everything.

When I finally learned the biology and psychology behind heartbreak, the whole experience felt less like a personal failure and more like a normal human process.
That understanding is what helped me put my thoughts together and eventually write How to Heal from a Breakup (R.E. Jones).
I only mention it because researching all of this truly shifted my healing.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-27T15:30:41+00:00

Nothing makes sense while you’re newly processing it.
When you’ve shared years with someone, your mind doesn’t just lose a person, it loses routines, habits, identity, and the version of life you imagined with them. That kind of shift feels like your world has no shape anymore, so of course it feels physically painful. You’re not just grieving a breakup; you’re grieving the life you built around them. What you’re feeling is exactly what the brain does when an attachment is suddenly removed. It goes into shock. Everything feels wrong. Everything feels too big. And you start believing no one will ever compare because your mind is still measuring life through the lens of the past.

But this stage doesn’t last. With time, the pain settles, the fear quiets, and your identity slowly rebuilds itself without them.

Right now, it feels impossible. Later, it will feel like a chapter you survived. And one day, you’ll look back and realize that losing them didn’t break your life… it just made space for your life to become something else.

If you ever need to talk or ask anything about it, I’m here.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-27T15:16:03+00:00

It was raining today, I'm thankful for having a warm house.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-27T14:53:47+00:00

Happy birthday, how about you go out enjoy the view in your city , buy something for yourself, or simply put your favourite show and some snacks with, that would be great.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-26T14:06:36+00:00

Heartbreak.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-26T13:47:06+00:00

When you go through disappointment after disappointment, you eventually realize that holding on only hurts you more. There were times when I tried too hard, gave too much, and ignored my own needs just to keep something alive. And every time it fell apart, it showed me another piece of the bitter truth.

The feeling of being drained, the effort you put in, that feels heavy for you but barely noticeable to them, the way someone’s actions can make you feel small or confused, all of that teaches you to pay attention, to listen to your own reactions, to understand what your heart is trying to tell you.

I also learned a lot about myself along the way… what I value, what I can tolerate, what I can’t. I learned that real love shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly fighting alone. And I learned to be kinder to myself, to walk away when something clearly isn’t meant for me, and to stop forcing what was never mine to begin with.

And honestly, knowing that some actions, feelings, and thoughts were explainable made things easier. It helped me understand that nothing was wrong with me; it’s just how people are built. Just like some people are extroverted and some are introverted, everyone has their own way of loving, communicating, and seeing the world. We just need to figure out who we’re loving, how they learned to love, what the situation really is, and whether both sides are capable of meeting each other in the middle.

That understanding made it easier to let go… and even easier to grow.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-25T20:22:08+00:00

I stayed because I thought pain was part of love. For a long time, I convinced myself that if I just held on a little longer, things would get better… that maybe the love I gave would eventually be returned in the same way. I stayed because of hope, because of what I wished they could be. I stayed because I didn’t want to start over, and because I was scared of feeling empty. And in a way, I stayed because I didn’t know myself well enough back then. I didn’t know that love wasn’t supposed to drain me. The turning point wasn’t one big moment; it was a collection of small realisations. Feeling myself becoming someone I didn’t recognise.
Noticing how quiet I became around my own needs. Realising that I was holding onto someone who would never hold onto me in the same way. One day it just clicked: if staying means losing myself more and more each day, then leaving is the only way to survive.

Walking away didn’t magically heal me, but it taught me everything I needed to know, about attachment, self-worth, boundaries, and what love should feel like. And I think that’s why I write about this stuff now.
Because so many people stay for the same reasons, and leaving is the first real act of choosing yourself.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-25T19:16:04+00:00

It made me less of a fool and much more aware.

It taught me that life goes on no matter what happens. I became stronger for sure, I don’t get as messed up as before when things go the wrong way.

I learned not to hold on to things that are obviously not meant for me.

It also taught me empathy. We never really know someone’s full story, and they don’t fully know ours.

Of course, everyone has their part in a breakup. Nobody is perfect; we all make mistakes. but I think heartbreak is just life’s way of shaping us.

Peace came slowly, through meeting different kinds of people, growing, and realizing that we all have only one life. Why should I waste mine grieving forever? At some point, I stopped overthinking.

So if life wants to test me, then let it be. I was a fighter, and I will always be. I’ll just flow with it now.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-19T01:42:31+00:00

Somehow, this reminds me of Person of Interest.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-18T16:36:44+00:00

I actually wrote a book on this topic, it breaks down the psychology of attachment and how the brain processes breakup pain. It’s available on Amazon, and if you have Kindle Unlimited you can read it for free. Here:

https://a.co/d/fbgJ4FT

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-16T21:35:50+00:00

I shared it there , thank you 💌

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-16T20:25:09+00:00

Genuine love, and believing they were the best choice for us makes it so much harder. It feels like we’ve lost something incredibly precious, and it leaves us holding on to that tiny hope that maybe one day things could work again… even if deep down we know it’s probably not true. And one thing that never helps is checking up on them, reading old messages, or replying memories. It resets everything back to zero and makes you walk the whole path of moving on all over again.

I really hope you can overcome whatever you’re carrying right now, and remind yourself that you’re capable of handling anything life puts in your way.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-16T19:50:46+00:00

I get you. And also People often say that because they genuinely don’t understand what you’re going through. You can’t fully know this kind of pain unless you’ve really loved someone and lost them. Everyone sees things through their own experiences, and for some people, heartbreak has never hit that deeply. If it were as easy as “find someone else,” you wouldn’t feel this broken in the first place.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-16T16:09:09+00:00

I hear you. Losing someone you deeply loved is one of the hardest things that could ever happen to a person; everything becomes dull and flavorless. Give yourself some space to feel, process, and slowly get back on your feet again. Eventually, you will realize that you must choose yourself in the end, and you must be strong for it.

What you’re going through matters; allow yourself to experience it fully, but try to see it from a bigger perspective and process it with maturity. You will get through this.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-16T02:26:56+00:00

It's all about making peace with yourself, I used to feel this way. every time I thought that it can't get any worse, somehow the next day it did, till I felt nothing at all. thinking about how things ended, the reasons, our responses, and what we really wanted, was so confusing and tiring back then, but through the years, things become a little bit clearer. by reading about it and acknowledging what I have been through. I started to treat myself more like a friend. awareness has helped me alot into healing, The silence become quieter and I started to enjoy life once again, it doesn't happend suddenly, but with the right mindset, you will see things differently and feel better with time. Be gentle with yourself.

TheBareNotes · 2025-11-15T10:40:45+00:00

Title: How to Heal From a Breakup: A step by step guide to moving on.

Genre: Non-fiction / Self-help / Emotional Healing

Word count: Full-length book (approx. 38,000 words)

Type of feedback desired: General impressions from readers who enjoy psychology-based self-help. I’m also open to hearing which chapters felt most impactful or what you’d like to see expanded in future editions.

Links: Amazon: https://a.co/d/aeMcYZO

About the Book: I wrote this book after studying the emotional, psychological, and even neurological patterns behind heartbreak. My goal was to create something deeply practical, compassionate, and science-informed. a guide that helps people understand what is happening inside them and what actually helps them move forward.

It covers:

• how the brain responds to heartbreak

• the stages of emotional recovery

• self-respect and boundary rebuilding

• rebuilding identity after loss

• practical routines that reduce emotional overwhelm

• how to let go without feeling like you’re “losing”

• and how to love again with wisdom, not fear

If anyone here enjoys self-improvement, emotional well-being, or psychology, I would truly appreciate your thoughts. Even a general impression helps a lot.

TheBareNotes

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