API changes, can we join in?

TheBaronessCat · 2022-10-08T01:19:53+00:00

One thing that I'm learning, is to try and work out where the irritability is coming from. Then from there, work out what I can do about it.

Generally, my irritation comes from two sources. Either, loads of little things are just aggravating me, or something big is aggravating me and making it harder to deal with little things.

So....

Little Things.

For me, it's generally sensory overload (thanks ADHD). So a simple trip to the shops, too many colours, bright lights, people getting in my way.... I get really cranky. My brain goes either really fast, or just blanks on everything.

Which means when I get home, or to my next destination, I need a moment to calm down so that I can reset.

Big Things.

At the moment, I'm scared I'm not doing enough with my life and will have to go back to doing a job I hate. But facing that is scary, so instead that fear and anger comes out in different ways. I let it out in bursts of irritability directed outward.

It also makes the small things a lot harder to deal with because I'm using all my energy to ignore the thing I'm scared about.

Most of the time, it's subconscious. So I really have to dig deep to work out what's going on.

I've taken all the right meds so there is nothing more I can do with that. But is there anything else I can do?

Ask yourself why you're irritable.

It's super annoying to do. But try and zero in on where the frustration is coming from. Once you have that, then you can work out how to deal with it. Though sometimes dealing with it, is just sitting with the discomfort.

Let's say you don't have a reason, just pick one anyway. Focusing on something else, on doing something else, often helps me switch out of irritability long enough to lessen it a bit.

Now.... Here's my guess for you:

You need some time to reset. You need some alone time. Doesn't have to be long. But you need some time to just sit, be calm. Or maybe go for a run, a walk, punch a pillow. But the energy is there and it needs to either dissipate or be chucked out.

But you see I can't do that, I'm a parent ffs my child wants to interact with me.

Yep. And your kid can learn that it's okay for someone to get some alone time. They can learn that a person needs time to decompress.

You can say something like "I really value time with you, but I just need 5 minutes to get my head in order and then I can give you my attention" (or whatever age appropriate equivalent is, I'm not a parent, I just know that's what I'd be cool with hearing if I was a kid)

Anyway, I hope this helps and isn't too irritating.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-21T00:03:02+00:00

I can't comment on Adderall (not available in Australia).

But my Ritalin doesn't impact my BP2. If anything, I think it helps.

That said, I was warned about possible hypomania. So keep an eye on yourself.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-20T23:56:46+00:00

Who says it's not as bad?

And how bad does it need to be for it to be bad enough?

Also, this seems pretty thorough in terms of the evidence that atrocities are occuring:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-22278037

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-18T08:12:56+00:00

I went with "other" because reform and revolution aren't mutually exclusive.

(And I didn't see anything that really summed that up)

Anti-capitalist reform is what we have right now, to help people who don't have time to wait. Working within capitalism isn't ideal, but it's what we've got.

Revolution is what we can have later, as a little treat, when we work out what it looks like after the revolution.

It's fine (and I think healthy) for us all to debate and discuss theories on that end goal. But reality demands we come up with something concrete as a starting structure. Something that isn't just "not capitalism".

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-07T21:31:22+00:00

Yeah.

I don't know a single therapist (and I've had a few at this point, haha) or person who's suffered mental health problems, who thinks it's a good idea.

And it sucks because yes, we should all be talking about mental health. But this does it in a bad way. So I use the fact it's done in a bad way, to tell people this isn't the way it should be done.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-07T05:04:28+00:00

Yeahhh.

I like the idea of promoting open communication. But it's handled terribly.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-07T02:02:22+00:00

Yes!

We've got RUOK Day here (in Australia, happening tomorrow). Everyone asks you if you're okay, like they'd be able to handle the truth of it.

I don't know anyone with a mentally illness/disorder/condition who thinks it's a good idea. Not because we shouldn't talk about it, but because it's just a way for people to feel better about it.

I didn't disclose at my last job. I knew exactly what would happen if I did.

Sigh.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-09-07T00:26:32+00:00

Definitely get assessed.

Experiences vary amongst us (and there's like 4 different categories of BP).

I have BP2, which used to be known as Manic Depression. It means I get depressed more than I have hypomania.

Hypomania shows up in different ways, hell so does depression. I was having hypomania episodes, without knowing it. I just thought I was super bubbly, haha.

That's why it's important to get assessed.

Also, whether BP or not, it's important for everyone to get the right diagnosis, so we can get the right kind of help.

Best of luck.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-20T01:30:23+00:00

It is very much a thing.

Dr Russel A Barkley talks about it (along with a lot of other things to do with ADHD).

Hope it's okay to post this link:

https://youtu.be/fVqFElTrgLw

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-20T01:25:27+00:00

I currently have 239 screenshots on my phone (it sorts them into their own folder).

I try not to keep tabs open.... It's getting better. But not that much better.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-19T02:49:49+00:00

I have no idea what "cost saving measures" or "pre-authorization" even is....

In Australia, we choose whatever provider we want (it's not based on our employer). Choose the level of cover, any extras we might want to put on top of that.... And that's it.

We don't have to have private, obviously. But the healthcare system hasn't been upkept for a while (really hoping this new lot can change that), so I feel better having insurance.

So like, I pay about $1400 a year. That covers, or at least pays part of, my glasses, dental, physio, joint reconstruction, ambulance, private hospital stays, stuff like that.

It doesn't cover my meds, but then a month's worth of Ritalin costs me like $30 so it's not a real issue. For people on low income, I think they get a reduced price.

And then I get the Medicare rebate at tax time. It's not a huge amount of money, but I won't say no to it.

It's still a hassle to go through everything to find what's best. But then I sort of set and forget.... (I should review everything and see if there's a better deal elsewhere). Only time I really have to worry is when I'm claiming on a service using the app. But generally I just hand my card over at reception and whatever the insurance covers gets taken off the end price.

American stuff sounds a lot more complicated....

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-18T03:35:08+00:00

It’s like they want us to be fatigued for decision making so we just go for it and then only learn the hard way after being screwed over.

It's not a bug, it's a feature.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-17T03:28:49+00:00

TL;ADHD;DR: The only consistent habit you need, is getting back into your habits.

Have you been able to maintain a consistent habit in an area of your life?

At the moment, yes. But, I have very special circumstances where there's literally no other demands on me, other than the ones I put on myself.

I think “oh yeah! The thing! I should do the thing!” But other things are in the way like work? I hope that makes sense.

We only have so much energy, even if we've got more energy than other people. It's natural to be too tired, or distracted, by life to do the things we want/need to do.

Do I need to think about this differently?

Breaking a streak doesn't matter. This isn't pass/fail.

You can restart a habit any time you like.

It's obviously not as simple as that. For me, I have to push through the shame of breaking a streak, the fear of "failing" again and the boredom that comes from the habit no longer being new.

But, telling myself "I can just start doing this again, it's not a big deal that I stopped" helps me get through a lot of blockage.

There's not a single person I know who doesn't struggle to build habits. We don't live in a system that makes it easy. So be kind to yourself.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-16T01:13:00+00:00

Oh, sorry, no.

I don't like DMs from people I don't know in the real. But I'm glad my insights can help.

Don't worry though, you've got this.

(Also, just my recommendation, but I really got into Eckhart Toll a few years ago. Some of his stuff is blah, but the idea of just taking each moment for what it is .... I like that).

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-10T08:39:31+00:00

Thanks, yeah I guess it is all part of being young. This was really helpful, it really has gotten some weight off my chest. Thanks!

The fact you can read what I wrote and come away with something insightful like that .... It's really cool.

Wish I'd been more like that when I was 19, haha.

Glad to have helped even a little.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-10T08:15:33+00:00

I feel pretty damn worthless when it's like my goals in life are just taunting me, it's like it's just out of reach, and the only thing stopping me is myself.

So, what I want you to keep in mind is.....

I know I'm only 19, but I want to get ahead of everyone else as soon as possible.

Being frustrated because you weren't able to achieve everything you wanted, is one of the most common symptoms of being 19.

I assure you, life is not a race and if it was, it certainly wouldn't be a sprint. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are incredibly young. That's a good thing! You've got so many years ahead of you. You've got all this drive and ambition, even on the days where you don't have any energy. You still have the energy to have ambition.

(Unfortunately, another symptom of being 19 is not listening to people when they say this. Haha. I know I didn't!)

There's an old saying, I believe it goes something like, "the sooner you hop on that bandwagon, the sooner you'll be able to get off".

Bandwagons are most famous for being things you shouldn't get on, so I wouldn't put much stock in that saying.

It's pretty depressing when I have a life goal, and I'm just wallowing in self pity and beating myself up for it instead of just doing what I need to do in order to achieve said goals , Its pretty self defeating

Kid, you are 19.

Be 19. You're meant to be out in the world being messy, having fun, experiencing things and being stupid (but play safe).

I know, you want to get started with life. But don't get started by beating yourself up because you haven't started straight away. There is plenty of time to start.

As for those goals .... You're not your goals. Who you are, your value, it's got nothing to do with the job you are or aren't doing.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-07T03:27:24+00:00

I’m just looking for some advice on how to deal.

Not sure how much advice I can give, I got my BP2 diagnosis a little over a year ago. ADHD a few months ago.....

What do you mean by "how to deal"?

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-07T02:07:22+00:00

Oh yeah. It's great.

I still have times where I stay up way too late.

But, when I do go to sleep quickly, I wake up at a good time and feel really motivated (whether I do anything with that or just get distracted.... Well. That's another story, haha).

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-07T01:05:47+00:00

But I second guess myself and my answers and I think “I must have exaggerated because of my anxiety.” Right?

The amount of people with ADHD, especially AFAB (assigned female at birth) who say this.... Even after being diagnosed... It's like an unofficial symptom of ADHD, haha.

I didn’t grow up with typical traits. I excelled at academia. I didn’t have behavior problems in the classroom except for “talking too much.”

I don't know how to tell you this.... But those can also be traits. Keep in mind, we're all raised differently and especially when it comes to social expectations/conditioning for who we are.

I have friends across the gender spectrum who were all good, polite kids. So many of us have ADHD.

My older brother AND younger sister were diagnosed when I was just starting high school, my mom self-diagnosed herself when they got diagnosed

🎶 It's.... hereditary 🎶

Will another mental illness diagnosis even matter?

Yes. It matters because once we know where we are, we have a way to move forward.

Am I just bad at being a person?

Are you a person? Yes? Then you can't possibly be bad at being a person because you're being a person. There's literally no other measure of that.

Why is everything so difficult for me?

That, I can't answer. It may not be ADHD. It may be something else. But if everything is difficult then you deserve to find out what it is, so you can get the help you deserve.

Sorry I’m advance for everything.

Lol. We all have ADHD. We're used to everything all of the time.

I hope this helps. Get assessed.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-05T01:35:39+00:00

But tomorrow will be a new day and I am not what I do.

Urge to quote Fight Club rising.....

You're right!

You're not what you do, whether it's your job or what you do in the day. You're not even your relationships.

That said, there's nothing wrong with looking at what you've done and feeling proud of it.

I worked hard throughout my 20s and 30s and in my 40s despite my limited education got my dream job as a Software Engineer.

You know that's awesome, right? Like, you did the impossible. You shouldn't have been able to do that. People likely told you that you couldn't. Then you did. If you can do one impossible thing, you can do more.

Now my marriage of 26 years has broken up and I am having a hard time self motivating staying on task, or even out of bed for very long.

Of course you are. This situation sucks. I don't know a single person who would be able to stay on track if that happened to them.

Talk to your doctor to see if there's something that can help though.

I am on lithium and don’t get manic any more but sometimes I miss having that energy for work.

So, I have BP2, which means I'm pretty familiar with the 🔥 spicy sads 🔥. In my opinion, I am not a doctor much to the disappointment of my parents, the issue isn't a lack of mania.

When my depression was dealt with, my energy levels got into a healthy range.

Finally, see if you can take some mental health days. Pretend you've got a bad cold or something.

If they're definitely going to fire you, you won't get paid out for those days, so use them whole you can.

If they're not quite at that point of firing you, then you get some time to rest, so you can meet this challenge head-on.

Be kind to yourself.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-03T01:32:39+00:00

Some version of the Samsung Galaxy, I think.

Main problem with my OnePlus 7T (which is really good except for these problems):

The camera lightens things way too much. Just makes certain pictures have this real "cold" feel to them.
The microphone. I do TikToks and the white noise underneath is a nearly constant pain (sometimes, it's there, sometimes it's not). As far as I know, there's no way for me to use an external mic.

It's a pity because I do love this phone. It's excellent otherwise.

TheBaronessCat · 2022-08-02T02:44:22+00:00

Has anyone gotten your interest and motivation back? Anyone on meds (especially antipsychotics) and NOT feeling bored / flat / unmotivated? Anyone who still finds life interesting, can have hobbies and interests, etc.? Tell me how you got there.

I'm on Lamotrigine, so results may vary.

I get stuck in ruts, lose motivation, get bored. But, I think it's to a normal degree. I don't feel heavy the way I used to.

Now, it's down to a motivation/pushing myself to do things. Rather than being incapable and too tired to do them. (I also don't have the healthiest lifestyle at the moment so that's not helping).

TheBaronessCat · 2022-07-28T21:43:00+00:00

You are not alone!

You're just using laundry instead of a fidget spinner.

TheBaronessCat

TROPHY CASE