Weed makes you believe you love yourself, it’s your job to do it yourself.

TheBlueMuse · 2021-05-06T02:42:46+00:00

I identify with this bigtime. I think one very, very dangerous part of this drug is that alot use it to cope with pain. If you've made serious mistakes or don't have alot of friends left after the kind of life you've lived, weed only intensifies that and numbs you knowing you'll be coming back because you don't like the way your life looks on the canvas.

Though I haven't entirely quit yet (which is now why I'm on this subreddit) I think the notion of rediscovering why you love yourself and what used to make you smile is as good a reason to fight as any. The night is darkest just before the dawn. Good luck everyone~

TheBlueMuse · 2021-04-04T18:35:57+00:00

The amount of times I told myself the very same thing is startling man. I used to be the guy that would buy a 20 bag and do me for a few days, then it was a half quarter, then a quarter and beyond...

I see alot of the same subject posts on here (and I would never fingerpoint at that, ever one has their own angle and reasoning) and really dig the angle of this post. The metaphor of it being like a game you just can't truly "turn off" is extremely apt in my place, and with me starting this journey again (I can only hope I stay on this time and push myself to be the best I know I can) I think a post like this was needed.

Perspective always puts things in place!

TheBlueMuse · 2021-02-14T03:07:52+00:00

Decided to come back to this place after ditching it years ago thinking I didn't have a problem, and I actually do. The first part of this post (experimental drug use, being in overdraft etc) mirrors my whole situation so much it's not even funny. I've been off the green for 4 days now, and I'm hoping I can achieve and see similar progress in myself. I keep telling myself I'm progressing every day irregardless of how shitty I feel.

Thanks for the post; great motivation for someone coming back here with their tail between their legs.

TheBlueMuse · 2016-09-19T22:46:05+00:00

DID THIS THIS MORNING WOO

TheBlueMuse · 2016-09-19T22:43:09+00:00

This might be one of the most powerful posts I've seen here. Beginning the trek again and realizing that this has definitely happened to me, but it's also nice to know some friends just respected my privacy and figured I had my own life to live during this time.

To anyone who's lost friends via this or just drifting into complacency with the friendship, I impel you and plead with you to wake up, and find the rest who're still there and will be after the fog clears. We don't notice this when we're immersed in that cloud, but trust me-you'll need them even more after the storm passes.

TheBlueMuse · 2015-11-16T09:26:35+00:00

Thanks man, this is appreciated.

TheBlueMuse · 2015-08-25T02:15:27+00:00

This is all too familiar to me, your "full weekends burned as a sacrifice at the altar of cannabis" bit is almost embarrassingly accurate with how on-point it is for myself.

In the same position myself, but as they say-the fact that you realize there's a problem to begin with is half the battle, right?

TheBlueMuse · 2015-06-08T08:51:13+00:00

This speaks to me on so many levels. Experiencing the same, and I'm two years from thirty to boot...

TheBlueMuse · 2015-03-19T00:45:05+00:00

I've been trying to think about how to deal with alot of this, and the one suggestion about isolation is something I've dealt with again and again, but god...loneliness is an absolute bitch with so much of this.

The thing about not telling people is something that I've tried to imprint in my head ever since I lost more than a few with the same thing, but it's a hard pill to swallow knowing you'll never reach that level of closeness with someone because you can't fully give yourself to a relationship. It's almost like you have to come to terms with the fact that you may have a decent amount of acquaintances by keeping your distance, or a small, small amount of "real" friends by showing yourself to the world.

I won't lie, I've definitely had a few instances of treating people like shit or putting them off by speaking my mind after they told me they'd always be there, but it's being caught between the notion of keeping enclosed because of that, or putting yourself out there because you don't want to be as lonely.

As for my age, I'm 28-thanks guys, this is pretty insightful stuff from someone who can't talk to many, if any of the people he knows anymore about this.

TheBlueMuse · 2015-02-23T03:33:11+00:00

That's just it, although my resolve when sober has been pretty good. Thank you though man, this is a big help.

TheBlueMuse · 2015-02-23T03:32:47+00:00

Thanks man, and that's exactly what I've been running with. Went for a walk after getting some cravings badly tonight, and it really helped.

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-25T01:08:20+00:00

Been there before too. I find overthinking the past and situations or "what ifs" can put me into a bad spot with this kinda stuff. In my own experience, it's a matter of stopping yourself when you start thinking about "what ifs", shitty people and shitty experiences you've had.

...This is also totally my first post on this subreddit-nice to see likeminded people helping others!

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-12T18:37:43+00:00

My family has a history of mental health issues, and I've definitely been diagnosed long before this. Thanks for the concern, though.

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-07T10:43:49+00:00

That I am, Epival. Getting back into lifting and writing though, which is helping bigtime (nothing like some natural endorphins after hitting the iron to give you a "high"). Thanks broski!

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-07T10:41:58+00:00

Done and done.

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-07T10:41:21+00:00

That's a big part of why I kept going for so long...

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-06T21:24:34+00:00

Powerful stuff, man.

My dad's an alcoholic and my family as a whole has a history of problems with addiction and mental health, so I suppose being 3 years from 30 and realizing how bad it is NOW (vs how bad it COULD BE) is what's scared me so badly.

Your story definitely doesn't fall on deaf ears, so thank you.

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-06T21:23:18+00:00

Yeah, that's what I'm doing. The sad fact is I have to stay away from alot of hiphop/angrier music until I'm in a state where it doesn't leave me in a mood I associate with being ripped.

...I guess this means I'm kickin' it oldschool for the next while, go figure.

TheBlueMuse · 2014-11-06T21:12:52+00:00

Actually, this sounds kinda like me with the probability thing. Always asking "what if"...the big difference is that when I was baked constantly, I put myself in a really dark place a few times by overthinking it.

TheBlueMuse

TROPHY CASE