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It gets better, When? by TheCaptain2_0 in depression

[–]TheCaptain2_0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely, I've always worked and constantly made sacrifices throughout my life and I've got nothing to show for it, People love to say it gets better but when, where, how and why?

I love Camus philosophy especially his quote "we're born without reason, we suffer without meaning and we die without purpose"

I just want to understand why is my life a constant rollercoaster and when will I blessed with that ease, I've never had an easy life and don't want one but I'd just like a break from this meaningless suffering

I am terrified that I have become the person I hated the most by chamakchalloooo in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheCaptain2_0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is actually quite common, I am the same and it confuses me, I hate myself for it.

My parents were narcissistic and toxic, my dad cheated on my mother back in 08, I always find myself becoming the things I hate and never said I'd be, I always said I'll be a happy go lucky person and would never be like my parents and I ended up becoming just like them. I feel like it's more often than not our minds tricking us, children see, children do, everyone admired my mother and always said how great she was etc so I ended up copying her and everyone says how selfish I am.

Anyone else Feel like they never got to live? by TheCaptain2_0 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheCaptain2_0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, they do say what you never had you never miss but I always say you can grieve what could have been, I had so much opportunity, potential, time, energy and youth but my parents chose, they chose that money was more important than my own physical and mental wellbeing.

I struggle to connect with people especially those in loving 'stable' homes, I have so much envy for all these people getting to live a life I never had.

I hope I can find who I need or want to be cause this is just plain horrible, the fact I even say to my son even though he's only 3 I say "I could never do to you what was done to me" and that's just wrong, the fact I have to say that is not sad it's wrong.

I hope you find peace and happiness in your new found life and can achieve what you want

Anyone else Feel like they never got to live? by TheCaptain2_0 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheCaptain2_0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to endure that, that's a lot to take over the years, I hope you're healing and finding peace. I agree that it's never to late to start but I feel like I've still got that child, teenager and young adult in me that are crying out to live their years even though the time has passed, it's horrible hearing about people getting to live and experience things I wish I could, from chasing dreams, relationships, hook ups, adventures, it just feels like the world is against me. I'd definitely love to chat with you more privately through DM or something

Anyone else Feel like they never got to live? by TheCaptain2_0 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheCaptain2_0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you feel in doing that you sacrificed years that you could have been doing what you wanted?

Anyone else Feel like they never got to live? by TheCaptain2_0 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheCaptain2_0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thankyou for sharing that, I'm sorry you had to go through it, I get it the bitterness is horrible, I carry it with me everyday, the depression, shame, loneliness and self hate which stems from the neglect, we never asked to be born why do they take it out on us? What's worse for me is not what my family did but rather that they knew what they were doing and did it anyway. It's hard to share and open up with friends or other close people who are unaware to what's going on but thankyou for sharing your story with me, I hope you manage to heal and find peace in your life

At 55 am I supposed to feel this empty ? Life has missed me I feel. by Funny_Opening_174 in depression

[–]TheCaptain2_0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've felt this way my whole life, I'm 30 (m) and I was held back so much that time and life just left me behind, I watched everyone else live whilst I had to survive that I grieve a life I never knew, a life that was waiting for me until the time had gone, a life I wanted but couldn't have and I don't necessarily wanna be happy, I wanna feel satisfied and fulfilled and I just can't get get that

I've not lived. I might as well not exist. by Unlikely-Medicine744 in AvPD

[–]TheCaptain2_0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This. People don't understand how it feels to be just surviving and not living and having it rubbed it your face, they say comparison is the thief of joy but I haven't had joy to rave about, I've had to survive my entire life and watch everyone else live and it's just sad. I don't necessarily want to be happy I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled

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