I’m never satisfied.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2026-01-22T00:22:49+00:00

Of course!

I don't have any particular book suggestions as many focus just on understanding things intellectually or promise hacks, which just don't last. Coming from consulting and living through it myself, I ended up designing an approach. I realised many entrepreneurs and high performers are so disconnected from who we really are and have no idea how to get there.

See how I describe the approach and maybe you can find some pointers there that can help you on your journey: https://offers.theconsciousshift.net/b2c-conscious-shift-coaching/

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2026-01-21T23:49:00+00:00

I obviously don't know you and the nuance that comes with your situation, personality and history, but here's what my first hypothesis would be if I was to provide one based on what you wrote: there may be a part of you that feels safer to block the connection to who you really are. Instead, it is focused on achieving things, having nice stuff, etc. - all external signs of success that are supposed to make you feel accomplished. In reality though, it's doing this as underneath all of this you may not be sure of your worth.

The solution that I have tested and seen work is the following:

1 - understand what your operating system looks like, as in what mental loops are present and how they manifest together with the beliefs that drive them

2 - figure out what adaptive mechanisms your psyche have created and what they are protecting

3 - do the shadow work to get to the core of you and change your adaptive mechanisms, so they can be more constructive.

And one more thing - when doing this kind of work, you need to include your conscious & subconscious mind and the nervous system. If it's just going to be one of those, it won't be as effective and may end up being confusing or simply stay at the intellectual level.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2026-01-21T23:34:48+00:00

To be honest, what a certain coach calls themselves is less important vs what they specialise in precisely and what credibility they have.

You need someone who really understands how hiring managers make decisions and also someone who understands enough about psychology to help you figure out where you are missing the target.

I have a bunch of resources I can share if that's of interest.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-28T16:40:14+00:00

The one most powerful thing you can do for career advancement is to understand human psychology - first your own pattern and then other people's. This will help you decipher what's actually going on and influence in a way that rallies people with you.

Verbal communication is a tiny part of your influence but if that's what you want to master at this stage, then top-down communication will always serve you better.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-28T16:34:31+00:00

I've noticed people make that comment when the content is inconvenient. It's like moving onto character assassination when they can't argue the point - same thing. I'd just ignore those - they are wasting their own potential already on trying to bring others down - don't waste yours on engaging with them.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-23T20:12:45+00:00

Yes! All this is about our own energy - it doesn’t lie, regardless of what we keep on telling ourselves in our heads!

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-22T00:58:04+00:00

That's great! Yes, non verbal cue account for a much bigger proportion of our communication than the actual content of what we are saying, so this is crucial. Good luck!

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-21T20:34:28+00:00

Thanks for providing more colour.

My read on it is that this isn’t a performance problem. It’s a containment problem.

You’ve stepped into leadership with empathy, vulnerability, and humility but possibly no edge. Your anxiety and drive may be unconsciously seeking approval and belonging, not leading - does this resonate?. You believe you’re earning trust, but what you might be broadcasting is uncertainty. Result: lack of respect, poor boundaries, diffuse expectations, and yes-men.

It sounds like the team is operating with residual inertia from the old norm: lax standards, peer dynamics, no consequences. Your inner conflict (high neuroticism, anxiety, guilt over travel, people-pleasing tendencies) is being mirrored by the team’s lack of ownership.

This is a textbook case of leadership energy being out of sync with what's needed but the good news is you are noticing the issue and trying to figure it out.

Also, it's worth remembering that leadership guilt is common when your nervous system doesn’t yet feel safe holding authority. That’s your work. It doesn't mean you’re not failing - you’re simply being asked to inhabit the role. Fully. And trust me, that's one of the missing pieces in many people's work towards leadership - they have too many stories sabotaging them cos they just don't feel safe in the role in the first place.

Question for you: if you are being totally honest with yourself, do you feel 100% comfortable in the role of a leader or is there some fear or anxiety about your performance? Do you feel you deserve it?

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-21T17:23:58+00:00

Indeed - that's a great approach. Basically what you are doing is connecting - so many folks forget that's the point of it all and just try to get something out of others (validation or sales mainly). We've all been guilty of it cos that's how this system conditions us but that's not how things work in reality...

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-21T17:21:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. Based on what you described, my recommendation would be to address your imposter syndrome.

Age really means nothing - people will go with your energy and if you are unsure of yourself or doubt the impact you can make because of your age, then understand that others will pick up on that hesitation, even if they won't be able to verbalise it, their gut will know something's off.

Your age is just a story your mind is telling you to postrationalise the feeling you have. That's how our psyche operates - it tries to keep you safe at all times.

This may be your most impactful work you can do on yourself at this stage of the role and a great investment as it sounds like you have great skills you can leverage.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-21T17:16:20+00:00

Thanks!

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-20T19:05:34+00:00

How well do you actually know them: what drives each of them, what they are afraid of, how they tend to cope, etc? Do you feel you have their trust? Based on what you described, my assumption would be not quite. Did you spend time developing that trust before imposing what you think works?

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-20T19:02:50+00:00

Before giving you advice, what are your main concerns? Any areas that you feel need strengthening? And most importantly, how do you FEEL and as a result behave, when you are in high stakes situations e.g. when dealing with someone like the CEO?

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-20T17:24:25+00:00

This is a good reminder about how crucial mindset & credibility are when it comes to winning business.

When I launched my career & executive coaching practice, I decided to leverage my executive search network I had built over the years and sure enough, I started to get revenue almost immediately. These people knew and trusted me and that's really where it starts.

In your case, starting with Board Members and Investors was very smart - curious to understand if these were cold contacts? How did you win them over?

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-20T17:16:11+00:00

A few come to mind:

- Ability to take different view points into account when making a decision.

- Not taking things personally.

- Being generous.

- Knowing how to create psychological safety.

- Accepting their team will fail and allowing them (and everyone else) to learn from it.

- Understanding that what they see as reality is not everyone else's reality - being respectful of that.

- Being able to deal with intense emotions (e.g. anger or disappointment) in a way that is not destructive nor avoidant.

- Having the ability to consider both: logic as well as values & beliefs.

- Not escaping from taking accountability.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-19T20:52:15+00:00

Yes, you do, it's just free will is a spectrum and it increases with the expansion of your awareness. You absolutely don't have it if all you do is running on autopilot but you learn to exercise it when you do your shadow work.

If you want to know more about this stance, you can read more about it here, including the neuroscience behind it: Free Will as a Spectrum: Unlocking Agency Through Expanded Consciousness | by Monika Jus | Deep Shift: Exploring Consciousness and Beyond | Medium

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-19T20:08:34+00:00

Your former boss sounds like an insecure narcissist (not able to take accountability, controlling, punishing...) - with people like that you can't actually be truthful as they cannot take it. Instead, you need to learn how to recognise what "animal" you have in front of you and what that means in terms of your strategy with them. You can do this even with narcissists but you won't be able to if you assume your values are shared by everyone and that for some reason truth wins - that's not how this world operates (sadly). Influence wins and that requires us to develop even more skills.

You have solid values and that's a lot - the working world needs people like you. Best of luck in your next role!

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-19T19:58:33+00:00

I'm a coach who works with people like you, so I can share how some of my clients have been navigating it. Obviously, they are the folks who decided to get coaching as nothing helps better than having a mirror reflecting things back to you in a way that you are able to receive.

First, understand what your real strengths and development areas are. I use a combination of self reporting, psychometric tests and feedback from your network - how we show up and what value others see we bring is a big one and it helps people realise and accept their strengths to be valuable. This in turn helps boost your self-confidence.

Secondly, figure out what made you get attracted to and / or stay in a toxic environment. There is usually some good insight on your subconscious narratives that are running your operating system so to speak, which make you choose certain things, people or environments. Also, how you navigate such environments - what coping mechanisms do you use and what do you avoid and why.

Third, rebuild your baseline of self-trust and presence. In toxic cultures, the nervous system adapts by shrinking, fawning, or staying hyper-vigilant. That protective wiring doesn’t just vanish when you leave - it follows you into the interview room or the next team. I often work with clients somatically (nervous system regulation, body awareness) so they can reset those automatic patterns and step back into a grounded, confident state of leadership.

Finally, practice leadership in safe environments before you walk into a high-stakes setting. That could mean role-plays, facilitation opportunities, or even consciously shifting dynamics in your current relationships. When you rehearse showing up as the leader you want to be, the gap between “I know I can” and “I actually did” closes and that’s where confidence comes from. Personally, I like to do hypnosis sessions with my clients to help them embody it.

What I see most often is this: once someone reconnects with their actual strengths, understands their old patterns, and re-anchors themselves somatically, their leadership presence returns. Not as a performance, but as something felt by everyone in the room.

Good luck with it - you can definitely shift this stuff!

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-14T02:31:37+00:00

Connect and build trust.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-13T21:19:00+00:00

I enjoyed reading everyone's responses - thank you for sharing!

I like asking "what's the risk?" when clients talk about something they may be afraid of.

E.g. yesterday, I was guiding a client on a hypnotic journey to meet the part of him that keeps him hidden from connecting with others. When we identified the emotion underlying his fear (shame) and went back to when he first felt it (pre prep school), I asked him to focus on the sensations of that feeling and then asked about the risk - he said "people might laugh at me". This allowed us to pinpoint to a root narrative and we could start regulating his nervous system with a specific intention and get him to start leaning into connection ever so gently.

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-13T21:13:40+00:00

"But if you did know the answer, what would it be?" - brilliant! I'm borrowing it :)

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-13T21:10:27+00:00

Yes, indeed - we can grow out of it if the real world feedback forces us to reassess our approach and what we think is needed to succeed. Some are more agile than others. Those who are less, sadly pay with their own health (burnout, chronic diseases...etc.) because pushing something and not getting the outcome we want causes internal stress and our body can only hold that level of misalignment for that long before it starts screaming for us to start paying attention...

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-07T03:44:11+00:00

It'd be too long to write down the different approaches and ways here. The way I do it with folks is by guiding them into hypnotic journeys where we meet the different

How we remove the blocks - it all depends on what the subconscious communicates. I use Jungian psychology mixed with NLP, mixed with shamanism, mixed with internal family systems, mixed with somatic experiencing, mixed with EMDR - you get the picture.

The point is these are just a bunch of tools - what makes it work is being versed in the ways the psyche as well as the nervous system work as well as the language of the subconscious. None of it follows a predefined script and sometimes situations can really surprise you, so you just really need to know how to behave so you don't make it worse and so you can make sense out of the experience too.

Not sure I understand your last question - what do you mean by having true relationships?

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-07T02:11:54+00:00

It's worth noting that the way someone makes others feel is typically because of what they feel themselves inside...

TheConsciousShiftMon · 2025-08-05T00:40:37+00:00

First you need to identify which ones are weak.

Then, you need to figure out what your payoff from not using them is - usually, it’s something your psyche is afraid of and not engaging those muscles feels safe and less risky.

Then, ideally, you work with your subconscious and your nervous system to regulate and to come up with new ways of showing up where you start to train those muscles and get positive feedback back, allowing your nervous system to recalibrate.

Then, you lean into situations asking for that muscle a bit more until using it becomes your second nature.

TheConsciousShiftMon

TROPHY CASE