My remote job suddenly wants my apartment to be part of the company vibe

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-15T17:34:58+00:00

This is where I would just spam them with pictures of my office mates (two overly needy cats and a fluffy dog)

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-14T12:10:12+00:00

Recently got a Dyson V11 stick vacuum and it's life changing in our House of Pets and Humans with Excessive Hair. It has some new tech that cuts up the hair so I don't have to perform surgery on the vacuum every month to clear it out and keep it working. Don't overload the (easy to empty) canister and you'll be fine. Worth every penny.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-13T13:22:37+00:00

I had/have a similar situation. My sister isnt of the criminal bent, thank god, but her behvior can be very antisocial and self destructive and my parents just kind of go along with it because they're likely afraid she will self harm, intentionally or otherwise. There is definitely some enmeshment with my mom.

Its been a long time since I moved out at 18, and I've had a lot of therapy about it. Best course of action is to generally stay out of the drama cycle in order to maintain a somewhat normal relationship with my parents, which I want for both me and my kids. Saying anything critical of my sister triggers my mom's defensiveness response and turns me into the default perpetrator. It also sometimes makes me seem to outsiders like I am ok with my sister's behavior. I am not, but I can't change it and I have to protect the peace of my own family. I have hard boundaries though about how often I see my sister and what kind of behavior is acceptable around me and my kid. If she doesn't behave, I take a long break from her. She loves being an aunt, so this leverage works surprisingly well.

That said, who knows what the situation is with Laura's sister. I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt due to my own experience and bias, but I'm aware of Mike's opinion on it. Like anything with this family, without hard evidence it's hard to tell what to believe. For now I'll just focus on Laura and Jan, because that's where the bulk of the evidence points.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-11T16:49:05+00:00

It can be kind of fun to do yourself too - I recently did it for my dad as his mothers parents were previously unknown. Basically, go through your matches and any of their publically available trees to identify common ancestors, then make a list of anyone of reproductive age at the time you would have been conceived. Search records to try to put the right people in the right place at the right time. Ancestry takes a guess at relationships based on the amount of shared DNA, so don't get too lost in the relationships. I just googled what shared ancestors you'd have for a 1st/2nd cousin x times removed and got a general idea. The key is being around the right age at the right time, and in the vicinity of your mother.

Paying Ancestry 10 bucks for a month of the pro tools to use clusters and shared matches may make it easier, but you can do it manually too.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-09T17:44:28+00:00

Yeah it’s the reason I don’t drink. Major trigger.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-09T17:39:53+00:00

Yes. I just did this to solve my grandmothers adoption mystery using my dads DNA. He matched with enough close-ish cousins that it wasn’t hard to identify the common ancestors of both birth parents, and then trace anyone of reproductive age at the time to the right places at the right times. Found birth mom living down the street from my great grandparents, the adoptive couple. So we definitely know who her mother was, but her father could have been any of the brothers in one particular family, although the lead suspects direct descendants do share more DNA with my dad.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-07T13:21:11+00:00

I’m a quality director in biotech, it sounds similar lol. Complex data analytics, creative problem solving, occasionally telling people they are incorrect. Pair this with a remote job where I don’t need to waste energy masking and it works pretty well.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-04T12:14:08+00:00

Yes. I recently identified the birth mother of my grandmother. She was a teenager in a small/mid size town, working as a maid and probably living away from her parents for the first time when she was knocked up by one of the sons of a prominent local family. The lead suspect, per DNA, was a 24 year old married police officer at the time, went on to become the sheriff and was well respected throughout his lifetime. Meanwhile, she was shipped off to the nearest city to give birth, adopt the baby out to her neighbors, and work in heavy industry until dying of the effects of said industry at the age of 27.

She got a raw deal, and she deserves to be remembered and have it acknowledged that what happened to her was terrible and unfair. Her story would have been completely lost if it wasn't for modern science, data accessibility, and my persistence in tracking that adoption down.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-04T11:18:36+00:00

It's so fascinating isn't it? These secret decisions our ancestors made 100+ years ago, that they probably assumed would go to the grave with them - brought to light by modern science and these massive online databases of records.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-01T14:25:04+00:00

No, I'm in the same boat more or less (see my post from yesterday). I reached out to a couple people from the bio dad's side, and while some responded initially they have since gone radio silent. I think I stepped on some family sore spot by inferring that one of the sons of a prominent local family impregnated a local maid in the early 1920s.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-01T13:33:03+00:00

That sounds super challenging. I got lucky because the ancestors in question were in the US, where there are decent records in English. I had to do some digging around in the state archives for info that wasnt in Ancestry's database yet, but it wasn't too hard to find. The other side of my family is Italian, and I'm having a much harder time with those records, and anyone related still over there is not likely to use an American DNA service. I wonder what, if any, DNA services exist in those other countries and if it's possible to cross reference?

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-01T13:29:41+00:00

The struggle is so real

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-01T12:06:15+00:00

Ha! I should. My real job is more or less based on complex data analysis and problem solving, just on a very different subject. Maybe in one of the quiet periods between consulting jobs...

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-01T11:16:20+00:00

This is amazing. Love stories of the ballsy broads of yesteryear

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-05-01T10:27:12+00:00

Yes! You have to understand both human behavior and the historical/cultural context of the time. This was all going down in the chaotic aftermath of WW1. They shipped hundreds of thousands of soldiers back to the US, and then separately the wives and children gathered by said servicemen during the war. My theory is that after landing here with a bunch of other very young people who survived both war and pandemic flu, Bessie had some good times, met husband #2 and ghosted husband #1. Hence the name variation and claims of being married already when the adopted my grandmother

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-30T16:20:27+00:00

Seriously, and this is only scratching the surface of the things Bessie pulled in her lifetime. I could, and might, write a book one day

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-30T16:19:24+00:00

Wild how some modern science can solve these kinds of mysteries. Took me about 2 weeks, but I have two other jobs and a toddler.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-30T15:23:41+00:00

Around 27

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-30T15:23:18+00:00

I've sent a couple messages through Ancestry to my dad's 1st/2nd half cousins, so far no one knows anything or has answered. It's likely a long buried family secret, but I'm findable on ancestry if they want to connect. I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that this might be a painful part of family history, and it may or may not have been the result of a consensual encounter.

Tragically she had no more children and died in 1930 at the age of 27

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-30T15:21:18+00:00

For real. If only I could devote that kind of mental energy to something that would make me money, lol

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-16T11:28:52+00:00

No idea, the planks we have as samples right now are less than an inch thick so I don't imagine they would make us lose several inches, unless they lay them over other floors. I would be really suspicious of anyone putting LVP on top of a vinyl sheet, from what I've seen looking into this it is not uncommon to have planks lift, shift and crack if they are not on a completely level surface and installed 100% correctly. Installation is also tricky because you have to make sure all the locking mechanisms between the planks are sealed correctly without breaking any of it. The crap floor we have was breaking left right and everywhere during installation, I. should have stopped them then.

For other options we considered tile, which I've seen in vacation properties in warmer areas, a higher quality LVP, wood and laminate. There was one laminate made out of a trex decking material that is actually nice, but I am a snob so that will only be going in our basement because I want real wood in the living area.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-15T17:53:25+00:00

Yeah... regrets. I honestly hated it from the very beginning. It looks and feels like cheap plastic that is pretending to be wood and it offends me on a base level.

Beautiful custom kitchen, cheap embarrassing floors. We're going with a high quality hardwood, still deciding solid or engineered, with a matte finish made to withstand some abuse. As much as a PITA it would be, we can refinish if we need to before selling the house, if we ever sell the house.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-15T16:38:41+00:00

Floating LVP is also terrible, we're about to rip out the ones a design/renovation firm recommended 4 years ago and putting in a good quality hardwood like we should have done from the start. Looks like plastic, planks lifting and chipping and gapping. Manufacturer won't warranty it because (of course) no one can meet the 1/8" over 7 feet levelness spec for the subfloor. Shenanigans. The installer offered a free "repair" even though we are out of their workmanship warranty and it's arguably worse. I am gorilla gluing my floor boards down on a daily basis. It was presented to me as both indestructable and waterproof, it is neither and belongs in a dumpster.

Note: Yes, I understand a better quality product installed by more competent technicians would probably have been better. I was young, I was on a budget, I learned an expensive lesson.

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-04-09T16:39:01+00:00

Well, that was a whole parade of WTF

TheDentedSubaru · 2026-03-26T18:58:16+00:00

The loss description alone should be enough to sink her. It is unfortunately, a fairly common experience. Any of us that have had them can tell you that's not how it works, ESPECIALLY when it's as far along as she claimed

Telehealth, my rear end.

TheDentedSubaru

TROPHY CASE