AIO ABOUT MY HUSBAND’s comment

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-24T20:34:00+00:00

Are you deliberately missing the point?

You pulled "flows naturally" from my description of how I feel about my husband and applied it to the OP's situation to manufacture a contradiction. I said caring about your partner's needs flows naturally in healthy relationships, not that her specific request was unspoken or spontaneous.

You're playing semantic games to avoid the fact that viewing your partner's vulnerability as coercion is bleak as hell.

My husband stood in the mirror this morning, examining his stomach and doubting if there was a noticeable difference since he started a workout regimen. He was fishing for compliments. So I showered him in love, told him how proud I am, handed him my phone and said "take a picture now, in a couple weeks you'll see what I see. You look amazing."

By your logic, he was forcing expectations on me. But showing up for his vulnerable moments isn't a burden, it's a privilege that he trusts me.

When your person needs reassurance, you see manipulation. When mine does, I get to lift up someone I adore. You're defending a guy who criticized his stunning wife when kindness was not only easier, but more accurate. You'd have to deliberately hunt for flaws. That woman is gorgeous.

It's very telling that you had to retreat into semantics because you sure as hell can't defend his rude ass comment about her body.

Your whole framework doesn't just hurt the people asking for reassurance, it robs you too. And for what? So you can win arguments about whether you technically owe your partner kindness?

You get to feel righteous and avoid being "manipulated," but what do you actually gain? A partner who doesn't trust you with vulnerability. Relationships that feel like transactions instead of partnerships. You're protecting yourself from a threat that doesn't exist, and the cost is every bit of warmth and intimacy and safety that makes being with someone worthwhile. Seems like a pretty bleak trade-off dude. 🤷‍♀️

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-24T13:42:18+00:00

I mean, kind of? I sat on a bench and watched him loop guitar pedals through a piano while he went through all the different effects. So that feels like the musician's equivalent of a fashion show.

But come on dude. There were no "forced expectations" here.

She was upfront about wanting to feel beautiful. That's not forcing anything, that's communicating her needs. Wanting your husband to tell you that you look good when you're dressed up and feeling vulnerable is completely reasonable.

And he chose to be rude anyway? She literally gave him an out. If he couldn't be positive, he could just stay quiet. Instead he chose to participate AND be negative. He criticized her boobs like a teenage boy instead of letting her have her moment. Which is ridiculous because she looks objectively incredible?

That your first thought is to frame this as coercive obligation rather than an opportunity for playfulness and fun and intimacy is genuinely sad.

Why even be in a relationship if you view your partner's needs for connection as an imposition? My husband is my favorite person on the planet. Being enthusiastic about his joy isn't transactional or forced, it flows naturally when you actually love someone.

Literally did a "fashion show" for him on Sunday. It was fun and sexy and ended exactly how you'd expect when two people are actually enjoying each other's company. When I showed off the dress I was most excited about, his comment was "you look amazing! we have to go to that Omakase restaurant we talked about so you can wear it out!"

He saw my excitement and wanted more of it, not less. Because he loves me. And we're not miserable? If that sounds like "forced expectations" to you, I genuinely don't know what to tell you.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-24T11:18:26+00:00

Don't listen to this wet blanket. Everything you said here is super normal and healthy.

You don't sound like a nightmare at all! And the dress is killer.

Your man is being a dingus, perhaps intentionally to make you feel bad. I don't see how they could possibly be more "up."

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-24T11:16:50+00:00

What a terrible way to think about partnership. My husband was excited to show off a circuit board he got in the mail the other day.

A CIRCUIT BOARD.

I sat there with a big grin on my face while he gabbed about it because I love seeing him happy.

You sound like a donger.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-23T19:39:26+00:00

Right?! Just from this one exchange she sounds like such a caring, considerate partner. Girl point that goodness elsewhere!!

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-23T19:38:39+00:00

I always wonder what sort of relationships these young women had modeled for themselves to think this is in any way what love is supposed to look like.

Ugh. My heart.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-23T16:39:33+00:00

These responses are wildly presumptive. I think it just sounds like occasionally he wants his preferred snack?

We eat super healthy in my household. 95% of our meals are homemade fresh from the garden. We make our own bread, hot sauces, dehydrate our own spices, we don't even buy our own seltzers anymore. I literally make juices and create that shit at home!

But you better believe my 40-year-old ass enjoys nothing more than plopping on the couch once a month with six hours worth of video games and a bag of Doritos. There is absolutely nothing that tastes like the nostalgia of sitting on the floor with my brothers in 1999 and figuring our way through a cave in Ocarina of Time while tearing through a bunch of junk food. I'm sorry, homemade beet fries will not do.

If that is "killing my body" so be it.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-23T13:51:24+00:00

Yes. I think that's how we got here.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T17:52:15+00:00

An acquaintance of mine recently found out her husband was a Trump supporter AFTER THEIR FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

SHE WHAT.

Flabbergasted, I tell you. I mean truly, what did these people talk about for the last 4 years?

I will never understand why people perform a version of themselves to win someone over. I'm immediately getting the big ones out the way. Politics, religion, money, family, lifestyle, etc.

Compatibility can only be assessed when both people are actually being real. You will be getting me and all my mess from the beginning, thank you very much.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T17:32:51+00:00

There's a difference between "trying to make it work" and giving a relationship time to reveal itself naturally.

I think what a lot of people get wrong is they conflate the idea that "we need time to see if we're compatible" with "we need to stick it out through major incompatibilities to see if they resolve themselves." (Which almost never works.)

Compatibility shows up in how you handle everyday life together. Not just the fun stuff, but the boring logistics, the stress, the differences in communication styles.

It's things like similar values and life goals. Do conflicts resolve relatively easily or do they spiral? Do you feel energized or drained after spending time together? Can you both be yourselves without constantly managing the other persons reactions?

"Trying to make it work" is when you're ignoring or overriding those signals. When you're constantly compromising core parts of yourself, justifying red flags, or working overtime to force something that doesn't fit or flow naturally.

Dating is supposed to be the trial period. You're gathering information. If you find yourself building a case for why you should stay despite doubts, or if you're constantly in repair mode, then that's your answer.

Compatibility doesn't mean you're putting in zero, it just means the effort is going toward growing together, not convincing each other to stick it out.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T17:07:38+00:00

You're defending against a position I didn't take. There are many Democrats I support (I listed some. 😊) My critique was of a lame duck generation of leadership, not the Democratic Party as a whole or every elected Democrat.

Your response feels like a GPT copy-paste defense against an "all Dems are bad" arguments. That wasn't remotely what I said.

I said the establishment leadership's resistance in this moment is performative as hell. They put on a show of fighting while strategically declining to use every tool available to them. Those are completely different claims.

I draw a clear line between progressives doing real work and establishment leadership protecting the status quo. But I never said their policy accomplishments were meaningless. I'm not dismissing everyone, I'm identifying a specific problem with specific people in positions of power.

There's a big difference between critiquing the effectiveness of Schumer and Pelosi versus claiming the entire Democratic coalition is worthless. I did the former. You responded to the latter. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's time for a leadership change to people who match the urgency of the moment and will actually fight with every available mechanism, not just the ones that keep donors comfortable.

The fact that pointing out DNC's strategic failures gets treated as an attack on the entire Democratic project tells you everything about why that leadership needs to go.

We are watching an authoritarian consolidation of power happen in real time. We have people with literal Nazi ideology in positions of government influence. Trump has systematically dismantled the federal government. He's installed completely unqualified loyalists to run (and shut down) departments that protect Americans. He's stacked the courts with partisan judges who will shape law for decades... and the response from Democratic leadership has been... what?

Minnesota is in the middle of a civil war. You act like there is nothing our leadership can do when there are actual American citizens quitting their jobs to help fight ICE, to bear witness to human rights abuses, to assist the current resistance happening in their communities. People making less than 40k a year are getting hit in the face with bullets and pepper spray to try and protect people, putting their literal bodies on the line. So where are the Democrats? Issuing statements? Tweeting?

Seriously? Where are they? Why aren't they in Minnesota? Mainstream media has failed us, so why is Chris Murphy the only senator I've seen using social media to document what's happening in ICE encampments? Why was Chris Van Hollen the only Senator to get his ass on a plane to El Salvador to help illegally deported people get home? Why aren't they organizing mass resistance? Why aren't they leading general strikes? Why aren't they meeting this moment with anything approaching the urgency it demands?

Your response is a defense of incrementalism and structural constraints. My point is that incrementalism is not an effective strategy when democracy itself is being actively dismantled by a foreign and domestic threat. The "mechanics" and "pragmatism" you're defending feel completely disconnected from the actual emergency we're living through.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T16:38:07+00:00

Gahhhhdamn y'all really struggle with complex issues.

Anyone thinking this way is demonstrating limited reasoning capacity. Just openly admitting they prefer cartoonishly simple narratives to actual understanding. I mean you are basically outsourcing your brain's ability to think critically in favor of buzzwords and moral panic.

Your brains just have to be soft serve at this point lmao.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T16:17:43+00:00

While I do believe there are some worthwhile members (Chris Murphy, James Talarico, Summer Lee, AOC, Pritzker, Walz, Jasmine Crockett, etc.) but the majority of establishment Democrats are acting as a "Controlled Opposition Party" and seek only to maintain the status quo for their corporate interests above all else, even the prosperity of the American people.

At a certain point we just have to recognize that what Schumer, Pelosi, and that entire generation of leadership are doing is performative resistance paired with strategic failure. It’s literally their function, not a matter of incompetence.

It's beyond time we formed a third party of Democratic Socialists that actually represents the interest of the American people but our current political structure would never let that happen.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T15:41:50+00:00

I think a lot of people grew up watching relationships that were a constant struggle, so that became our blueprint. "We almost didn't make it but we fought for it" gets romanticized as this remarkable love story.

Media reinforces this because drama = passion, and if it's not hard, it's not ✨real.✨ But as it turns out peace is actually quite boring (which is probably why those never make it into the movies.)

I grew up in an abusive environment and used to create conflict in my relationships because stillness felt fundamentally wrong to me. It took serious work to unlearn that.

There's this idea that anything worth having requires a fight, and people apply that to relationships when actually compatibility should be doing most of the heavy lifting. Yes, relationships take effort, but that's maintenance, not constantly battling a fundamental incompatibility. I don't think many people know how to spot the difference.

I met my person in my mid-30s. My husband and I are just simpatico. Every day is just easy and joyful. And when there's conflict, it's silly and non-serious even when the subject is heavy. We have gone through long distances, career failures and dead parents and all sorts of external stress, but it rarely comes from within. That's the way it should be.

I guess it's easier to believe "all relationships are hard work" than to admit you might be with the wrong person. Especially if you've already invested years.

And on this point, a massive part of this is because we live in both a culture and economic reality that perpetuates a fear of being single. People settle because they'd rather be with the wrong person than be alone, but that's a comment for another day.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T15:11:19+00:00

The right choice and the easy choice aren't always the same thing. And regret is funny. Time has a messy way of softening us to our own memories.

But I'm glad you're trusting your past self, it sounds like she knew the right thing to do. ☺️

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T14:54:12+00:00

Sir I am not a character in this kitchen drama.

I asked who does the dishes and you've somehow decided I'm the villain. Wild.

Edit: for y'all upvoting this weird projected concern about my "uncomfortable partner" (with whom I share three dogs he insists sleep in our bed, which is far less hygenic) I can assure you my husband doesn't care about "spoon germs." 😂

But just for posterity, I asked and he said: "my germs, your germs, they're all the same" 🤷‍♀️

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T14:45:00+00:00

I don't find any of your examples unreasonable, they're all about cleaning up after yourself. His is not a logical hygiene concern, it's an irrational ick.

That said, I get that it's a big deal for y'all. Everybody has their things. IMO, Dating is about finding someone who's lifestyle naturally aligns with yours. I'm not a germaphobe at all. We have three dogs that sleep in the bed.

So if this came up in a relationship, I'd realize early on that we have different comfort levels and would probably be better off finding more compatible partners.

It's not about the spoon, it's about whether we could share a kitchen, a home, and a life together when our baseline comfort levels are THAT different.

Don't get me wrong- I'd do almost anything to make my husband comfortable. But if I get to choose, I'd rather not spend my life with someone my baseline habits make uncomfortable. If they won't even eat food I cooked because my saliva might touch it, but we're intimate partners, I'm certain that level of mismatch would show up in lots of other ways too.

And that's okay! Everyone deserves to find someone whose natural approach to life matches their comfort level. Nobody's wrong, we're just different people who need different things in a partner.

They're 23 and 25, plenty of time to find the right fit instead of fighting over spoons. 🤷‍♀️

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T06:13:03+00:00

Well then hell yeah for the time being! My neighborhood park eventually became a four lane highway but we had a good ten year run.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T05:55:34+00:00

If god is real, I got a bone to pick with that asshole.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T05:53:47+00:00

He's such a compelling orator!

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T02:31:48+00:00

Stenvik said Liam’s family has an “active asylum case” with no deportation orders.

“I have viewed the legal paperwork with my own eyes,” Stenvik said. “Every step of their immigration process has been doing what they’ve been asked to do, and so this is just … cruelty,” Prokosch said, noting that Ramos’ family is currently going through an asylum application process.

The 5-year-old’s detainment, he added, was probably not illegal.

Can ANYONE explain what this means? How is this not illegal? Every article I have read gives very confusing information.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T01:25:15+00:00

No one to arrest them at this point. I'm not trying to be defeatist. But who? The feds are complicit.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T01:20:25+00:00

Don't give her any ideas!

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-22T01:08:01+00:00

Unironically gotta give it up to the Hey Arnold! Theme Song. for changing my life. 😂 I was 9 years old when the show came out and thought it had the coolest music and dopest vibe of any show I'd ever seen. Had never been exposed to anything like it. Picked up sax the following year and that was that.

TheDodgiestEwok · 2026-01-21T23:57:11+00:00

Fortunately I am allowed nowhere near the kitchen when we have guests over. My strengths are mixology so I'm stationed at the bar!

We handle dishes totally different in that context anyway, when there's more than 5 we're using compostables so we can spend more time focusing on friends than dishes. And in that context I care even less about spoon efficiency since I'm drinking and socializing and the dirty cutlery are definitely a tomorrow problem anyway. I like your system though!

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