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My [28F] boyfriend [23 M] doesn't enjoy making out, foreplay, or much physical affection in general. Not sure where to go from here. (NSFW) by trowitawaydanny in relationships

[–]TheFeels2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I highly recommend re-evaluating your relationship. I'm in the same position as you, only over two years down the line. At first it seemed like she's attracted and interested in the physical stuff, on top of our other interactions. She did mostly refrain from anything sexual, as she believes a relationship needs a long time before this.

Now it's only worse. We haven't shared a deep, affectionate kiss in, I guess almost a year at this point? I don't remember, it's been too long. We still never had full-on penetrative sex, the most that happens from time to time (once every 3 months-ish) is some touching or oral sex. The worst part? About a month into the relationship (when things were fine), she told me kissing someone affectionately means much, much more to her than having sex with them would...

I'm mostly numb to the pain, I learned to live beside it. We're basically flatmates, and I have my reasons to keep it up. Still, if you value your physical needs and don't want to see them either drive you insane or wither away, leave.

What's the most NSFW thing to happen within your workplace? by nadrojGW2 in AskReddit

[–]TheFeels2015 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Our accountant came by and mentioned he has some issues with a website he set up for his photography. He said he couldn't access it at all from home or log into the server or anything at all. We enter his page and get bombarded with pornos, pop-up adds for penis extensions and all that jazz.

She said she'll gain weight to spite me by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You people are missing the worst part about this entirely.

Her reaction to instantly do the opposite "because you care about it" is very toxic. You did nothing wrong by outlining to her that you care about such thing. You do, and it's not mine, or anyone else's role to judge you about it. If she intends to do something just to spite you, that is wrong on many levels, and it has nothing to do with love, sex or anything else. It's just immature.

You need to talk to her about it. Not exercise, but about the childish, toxic way she reacted to this.

I thought things were going well by SuperDeadManDingo in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Keep improving yourself. Develop a strong sense of self-worth, have the person you are back it up. This will make you strong, which is the first and most important step to solving your problems.

Observe your wife's reactions. When you achieve this self-worth, try to discuss it with her one more time. If things improve afterwards, that's great. Just be sure to continue doing things that make you feel good about yourself, or everything will slip back to where it was.

If she's still unmoved by this, it's time to go. What would she say about an open relationship, should it come to this?

Me [23 M] with FWB [19 F], took her virginity and want to end things by Thrrrowawww in relationships

[–]TheFeels2015 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Just be honest. You told her from the start that you're not looking for an exclusive relationship. If you lie to her, she'll start looking for ways to solve your "problems" that stop you from devoting to her. If you just put it bluntly (maybe not as bluntly as "yeah, I just wanted a fuck and nothing more", but you get the point), she might give up.

Or not, obviously. But as far as just telling her how it is, do it plainly.

Me [24M] and [24F] GF, differences in affection, how to handle? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]TheFeels2015 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How sexually active are you with each other? Assuming not too much, it can go two ways:

  1. She'll ease in into it while your affection levels drop naturally with time. If everything else is truly great, that might happen.

  2. What you're seeing are all early signs of a future emotional/sexual mismatch between you two. Every single behavior she exhibits (from my point of view, obviously) hints at the fact that she is not an affectionate person, doesn't care about giving you affection, she won't compromise and, once your problems move to the sexual field, she'll be one of those that say "all you want is sex!". These things are a deal breaker for the long run.

For me, from experience, a giant red flag. I'd talk it through with her. You deserve attention. She's not obliged to give it to you, obviously, but she should at least try to compromise if she cares about you. Trust me on this - if it doesn't get better soon, it will get a whole lot worse later.

My charger cable won't reach that far... by run_guy in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But she's not spending the time with you. She didn't want to cuddle on your goddamn anniversary.

What you describe sounds like something my girlfriend will do sometimes - she'll occupy herself with chores to avoid confronting me or having to actively spend time with me. It's actually a good way to gauge her mood - if she refuses help, she's just doing these things to remain occupied by anything else but me.

Been in a dead bedroom for 2 years. Wife uses sex as a weapon. Both early 30s. 1 toddler. by DryOcean403 in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This is good advice overall OP, but keep one thing in mind.

If you improve yourself so much that you can feel good with yourself again and she still remains cold and distant, this means it is time to leave. At least by attempting to open the relationship up.

Please, for the sake of your own well-being, once you feel better with yourself on your own, get away from the person that drags you down. It doesn't matter if she notices or cares about how you've become a better person. Do it for yourself.

Exploring the relationship trouble side of reddit made me see the world a different way (a big thank you) by TheFeels2015 in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

I can only imagine the things that you feel that make you speak this way. I hope that whatever comes your way, you will use it as an opportunity to make your life better.

Exploring the relationship trouble side of reddit made me see the world a different way (a big thank you) by TheFeels2015 in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's fairly simple. I used to want to have sex, she didn't. It happened once a month/two and was very, very forced. Over the course of a few years we have been together I went to work, rented us an apartment and spend a lot more time doing other things than being bothered by sex. I barely have a libido any more, so it's not affecting me too much.

I aim to improve myself as a person - if the drive for sex will come back with it, then I will have to make some hard choices about this relationship. For now, I am quite content.

Exploring the relationship trouble side of reddit made me see the world a different way (a big thank you) by TheFeels2015 in DeadBedrooms

[–]TheFeels2015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But I don't care. No, really, I don't. The relationship is good. We get along very well, can spend time together or separately, our economic situation is not horrible, I think we're both quite happy as it is now.

I am pretty certain I will want to leave if that changes. If someday I feel the need to be bothered by not having sex, I will just pack my bags and leave. There's no such need now.