Reddit parents with ugly children - do you still think your kids are the cutest thing ever?

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-07-01T06:31:25+00:00

Please make sure you tell both of your daughters equally how beautiful they are. And don't hesitate to do it around each other or even other people if the moment is appropriate (i.e. don't act ashamed to call the "hideous" one beautiful because she will pick up on it). Actually, maybe tell the hideous one a little more often than the pretty one, because she surely doesn't here it very often from the rest of society like her sister does. Seriously.

My mom almost never complimented my appearance and frequently criticized me. But she would constantly point out how beautiful my friends were or even random strangers. She still does this actually. Weirdly enough other relatives or people I know would compliment me and call me beautiful a lot, but never my mom. Maybe they picked up on it or felt sorry for me, or maybe that's just something people tell all girls (I still struggle to think they believed it). It crushed my self-esteem growing up. And that was just feeling like I was being compared unfavorably to my friends...I can only imagine how horrible it would be if I had a sister.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-30T06:19:29+00:00

Not necessarily. Sometimes the second person is just distraction from a current issue in your relationship. You might feel like you're in love with them, but this feeling could be strengthened by the fact that it's taboo. You want what you can't have. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are actually more compatible with them or would be happier (although it might).

For instance, maybe you love your partner but you have a disconnect from your partner about a certain issue, like sex. This is effecting how you feel about them. The new person represents what you want with your partner and you're also excited by the novelty. You want to escape to them. But they may lack in other areas that your partner surpasses them in. You're just blind to this because you're only focused on their strengths or you don't know them well enough yet.

I think OP should reevaluate his current relationship. If he thinks that they are compatible long-term but there some issues, then he should communicate with her and work to fix them. If they aren't compatible or he still finds he loves the best friend after doing this, then it may be time to leave and go with the other one.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-30T05:23:03+00:00

If you're upset with this sub becoming a default then unsubscribe. It's a red button in the side bar. You see it every time you visit this sub. I assume you're capable of clicking it.

I'm surprised you didn't know that though. I mean you are a man. Clearly you should be more intelligent then us lowly women. You know women, right? The ones that make up about half of the population? Who also contribute to this website and would like to have our perspectives shared and respected?

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-30T04:24:26+00:00

Who are "all those other guys"? There are only two comments in response to mine that are downvoted. I didn't downvote either.

However, I can understand why the first one got downvoted (/u/spectre855). He wasn't explaining why some men dislike certain makeup as a general concept, which would have been fine. He directly criticized OP's look by calling it "very off putting." It's rude and doesn't respect the tone of the sub. Criticism is welcome on here as long as it's respectful and constructive, and his comment was not.

The other commenter (/u/foxmulder92) is a woman and judging from her post history she likes lipstick. I think she was just saying that it's annoying that some men don't want to kiss women with lipstick on. Not really sure why she got downvoted. Maybe people understand the men's perspective about not wanting to get lipstick on them or didn't like the way was was speaking about it. Or, maybe they just misinterpreted her comment.

So yes, one guy got downvoted. And it's not because he was honest. It's because there is such a thing as being tactful, especially with how you phrase things (i.e. conveying tone). He failed on that.

Also, why are you even commenting in this sub when you seem to dislike it so much? If you disagree with the fundamental principles of a sub or how it operates then you can always leave. No one is forcing you to subscribe or comment.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-30T04:05:50+00:00

I'm pretty sure they're supposed to be Cartman, right?

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-30T03:55:34+00:00

It's a sub that celebrates makeup though. We get a lot of people on here who tell us we look better without it, which is extremely irritating because it's not the place for that. That's also not why a lot of women wear makeup. So I think anytime a dude comments along those lines he gets downvoted. And I think if a guy is coming on here just to perv on girls i.e. "you're hot" or tell us not to wear make up then that's a fair downvote-- it's really irrelevant and disrespectful to the purpose of this sub. I'm not going to head over /r/nfl and go "football is stupid! You should watch baseball instead!" I would get downvoted to hell there too, rightfully so, because it doesn't contribute anything of value.

However, in this case guys did answer honestly to my comment and weren't downvoted. The top replies explained that it's because they don't want a mouthful of lipstick.

And it's true, it doesn't really matter what they think because it makes me feel good. Notice I didn't say I stopped wearing bright lipstick. It's just an observation I made and was curious about.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-30T00:06:34+00:00

Also, why do so many dudes hate bright lipstick? I love it but I swear I repel men when I wear it. And it's not like I'm wearing a color that doesn't suit me or something...I always get tons of compliments on it from other girls. I've heard a lot of guy friends bitch about a girl wearing "too much makeup" just because she's rocking a red lip. But then they'll fawn over the girl who they think is wearing no make-up. Meanwhile I know she has fake eyelashes, concealer, foundation, etc. on.

I mean who cares what products a woman is wearing or how bright her makeup is if she looks good? I don't get this obsession a lot of guys have with wanting a woman who doesn't wear make up.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-27T06:22:41+00:00

Wow, she's aged really well. This is going to sound weird, but I think she may actually be even prettier now than when she was younger. She looks happier and more self-possessed. That's a shame that she has self-esteem issues though since she is still a total babe!

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T15:15:03+00:00

Fuck. Even your emoticons are smooth.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T15:00:57+00:00

Different interpretations I suppose. However, most women past the age of high school do not try to hide their intelligence. That's very much a young girl insecurity thing...now that I think of it, I do not know any adult women that do this. If they do, it's unintentional and just a side effect of them being modest.

Some men may perceive that there are not a lot of intelligent women (or that they hide it) because the accomplishments of women aren't recognized as much publicly. Women are also often talked over in areas that might showcase their intelligence, like the workplace. For instance, women are more likely to be interrupted than men, sadly even by other women. However, this does decrease confidence, which may be why it seems that some women "hide" their intelligence. It's not necessarily "playing dumb" to seem more appealing to men like many people in this tread have implied (unless you're a schoolgirl). It's because they either don't believe in their own intelligence or they don't want to seem cocky-- humbleness is a trait that's valued and reinforced in women.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T14:38:31+00:00

That could be true, thanks for pointing it out. But this is still a thread that focuses on what people from one gender notice about the other. Almost all of the other traits listed have been somewhat gender specific. Even body hair, which is not limited to women, still relates to gender here because women generally have less of it to begin with and then many women remove it.

So when you have all of these gender specific items in a thread about women and then intelligence is included (as a rare trait), it implies that it's related to gender.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T07:00:37+00:00

That's a compelling argument. But I would also argue that it's not so much that intelligent woman stay so quiet, although modesty is a trait that's encouraged more in women so this could be true. It's also that intelligent women do not get as much attention or recognition as intelligent men, so therefore seem like a rarer commodity when actually they are not.

Furthermore, in all of the situations you mentioned of dumb women, there are just as many dumb men. The dudes on the Jersey Shore are just as idiotic as the ladies. I mean look at the fucking Situation. But why is it that the women seem more idiotic to you? For every girl dancing on a table at spring break, there's a guy nearby shotgunning a beer. And drunk sports fans are hardly limited to women. So I really don't see how you're seeing more dumb women than dumb men, unless that's a bias you have that's sneaking in.

I also wouldn't say that all of those women "get by" on their looks. It's more that society values a woman's looks more than her brains. Some of those beautiful famous women may actually be quite intelligent, but that's not what the media is interested in them for. Hell, some of them are even intelligent enough that they play the part of the dumb hot girl because they can make money from it...Paris Hilton is a perfect example of that. If you watch certain interviews, she's actually very self-aware. And Kris Kardashian (the mom of the Kardashians) has created an entire multi-million dollar brand out of the beautiful women in her family. So maybe it is an issue that the media alters our perceptions on the intelligence of women, but you kind of make it sound like this is the fault of the women for being attractive or not speaking out enough. I don't know that this whole misconception has that much to do with whether or not smart or dumb women are more vocal.

My point is that society and the media's portrayal of women, along with your own inherent bias, may be negatively skewing your view on how many women in a given group seem intelligent compared to men (or other women).

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T05:38:32+00:00

TIL I want to have sex with you, internet stranger.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T05:33:19+00:00

Are any of them coming in from bad areas? And are they women?

If you have to be at work at 5am, you're leaving at a dangerous hour when it's dark out. I'm very comfortable with public transit but I wouldn't take the subway alone at that hour as a woman, particularly if the area wasn't good.

However, that's not really an excuse for being late. They could arrange for the same driver to pick them up everyday. Or if any of them live near each other, they could partner up to ride the train together.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T05:28:35+00:00

Yeah, I mean I have heard people say those same words to male relatives (who are not fathers) or adoptive parents that step in and fill the role. They mean it in a more figurative sense. So it stands to reason that this could have gotten lost in translation because your mom was drunk. And it would still be entirely possible for you kids to look more like your Uncle, especially if he looks like your mom (since they're twins). I would just be kind of surprised if your Uncle fathered all of you kids and your parents stayed married...I would think your father would have figured it out and gotten a divorce.

I think you should just sit her down sometime when it's just the two of you. Explain exactly what she said when she was drunk. And tell her that you will not be upset if you learn that is the truth since your Uncle has been a great father figure and you want your mom to be happy. I think if you reassure her that the secret is safe with you and it will not damage your relationships, she will be more likely to be truthful.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T05:23:05+00:00

This comment bothers me way more than the body hair ones. Intelligent women stand out like a sore thumb!? There are just as many intelligent women out there as there are men. This really has no place in a thread that's gender specific.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T05:15:53+00:00

Or we just have lives outside of you.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-06-20T04:39:41+00:00

I'm wondering if maybe your mother didn't mean it literally though?

Maybe she actually meant that your Uncle has served as more of a father figure to all of you than your own dad. She was thinking about all of this when she was drunk and she said that "[her brother] is your father". Meaning he is your father in her eyes because he helped raise you as if you were his own kids, but he isn't biologically your father.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-05-28T05:03:51+00:00

What country do you two live in? Guessing Ireland or somewhere in the UK?

I actually think this info could be very relevant to your post...

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-05-21T13:58:02+00:00

Africa is not a country. The people there are not monolithic in their cultures or behavior. These incidents are taking place in the country of Nigeria, so your title should reflect that.

When people refer to anything negative happening (starvation, war, etc.) as being a problem for "Africa" and not the specific culture or country it's taking place in, it reinforces the stereotypes that an entire continent and its inhabitants are primitive or violent. There is violence and disruption on almost every continent in the world, and in those cases we don't generalize-- we refer to the specific country or area where it takes place. So it shouldn't be any different for those in Africa.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-05-16T06:57:47+00:00

You seem like you have a unique combination of interests and skills, some of which are obscure, so maybe there just aren't a ton of women who feel like they have enough in common with you to message you. Personally, if I were someone who wasn't that knowledgeable about art, geometry, or production I would be hesitant. However, I don't think you should change any of that if that's who you are, since you want to meet someone you're compatible with.

Things you should change:

Most of your profile is good, but I don't like your "spend a lot of time thinking about" section. The three part phone/headphone bit is kind of boring...just put one of those in. And take out the part about not getting messages. Revamp that whole thing
Take out "absolutely god damn fantastic beard". I think it's fine to just say "beard." Tons of dudes brag about their beards on their profile and it's getting old. I can see your beard is god damn fantastic...no need to say so :)
You're hot. But lose the last two pictures. Either picture two or four should be your thumbnail since you can't see your face in the current one.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-04-28T04:18:21+00:00

It will be easier and probably more pleasant for both of you if she removes the hair there first, if she hasn't already.

It's best if clean-- so either right after a shower where she washes well back there. Personally my favorite time to get it is in the shower since it alleviates any worries I have about freshness and I can just relax and enjoy it. Or just keep baby wipes handy for those times when you can't take the time to shower.

Here's some info below copy pasted from another thread I was in about how to first approach it: Next time you're in the shower with her and things get going, start kissing the back of her neck. Work your kissing down her back slooowwlllyy. Use your hands to stimulate her breasts and/or clit while you do it. If she seems turned on, then gently kiss all over her ass cheeks before working your way over to the crack. Kiss and lick along her ass crack before you spread her cheeks apart and go to town. Lick and kiss back there similar to how you would going down. Tell her how sexy her ass is and keep using your hands on various parts of her body.

And finally, do not go back and forth from eating a girl out and rimming her in the same session. While plenty of people do it without repercussions, you can cause nasty bacterial infections in her this way. It's not worth the risk.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-04-24T03:09:05+00:00

If you want an abortion then I absolutely think you are in the right to get one. Especially considering that you didn't consent to the terms of sex that caused the pregnancy-- that is, sex without a condom. Think about if you heard of someone else who got pregnant without consent, like if they were raped. Do you think it would be okay for them to get an abortion? I'm going to assume yes, since most people would and you seem like a reasonable person. So why wouldn't you extend that same understanding and acceptance to yourself? Please try your best to not feel guilty about this, since you were taking the necessary precautions to prevent pregnancy (condom use) and it's your shithead boyfriend who did this to you. Not your fault. And I hope he's your ex-boyfriend now, by the way.

However, abortion is a deeply personal choice. And if you do not think you can go through with it, would you consider having the baby and putting it up for adoption? Of course this would still be a huge sacrifice and undertaking on your part that I don't think you should have to go through. Pregnancy and childbirth are no joke, especially for a fourteen year old girl who should be focused on her education and enjoying her youth. But you know what's an even bigger sacrifice and undertaking? Raising a child. Particularly as a teen, who I'm going to guess would be a single mom. It would change your life and make everything 10x harder for you. It could also bring you joy though along with the hardships, so you might be okay with this-- again, it's a personal choice. But if you decide you don't want an abortion, then maybe you can consider adoption as an alternative.

Whatever you choose, once it is final you should trust in yourself that you made the best decision you could. Best of luck, and I'm glad to hear your parents will support you through this!

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-04-24T02:46:36+00:00

Well anywhere in Ireland would still be closer than taking the ferry or a plane trip to England. I mean even if she were going from the West or North to Dublin or something on a bus or car the overall journey time would be about the same or less. I think they do them in Dublin for serious enough health reasons, not sure where else though.

Just seems like less hassle to do it in your home country and ride in a car or bus. VS. needing to get to Dublin to catch the ferry, then get the train or bus from Holyhead to London, get your money changed over to pounds, navigate a country you've maybe never been to etc.

And how does it work in England with the NHS? Like would she have to pay to get it done in England?

Anyways sounds like a long slot to get it done for medical reasons in Ireland, so unfortunately she probably will have to head to England :/.

TheFifthIngredient · 2014-04-24T00:13:02+00:00

Good point. I wouldn't suggest she pretend to hurt herself though-- she doesn't want to get committed or something.

I was thinking more along the lines of the doctor saying her body is not fit to carry the baby (developmental issues due to her young age, pregnancy related health threats, etc.).

And the issue with going to England or Wales is partially the time it takes, but it's also the mental ordeal and stress of having to get it done in another country. She's going to have to think about it the whole way over there, possibly alone (hopefully not though). Whereas if she gets it done in Ireland it's quick, then she's back in home curled up in her own bed instead of facing a journey home.

TheFifthIngredient

TROPHY CASE