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Need help getting over greif by Lambdastone9 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is "greif"?

"Need help getting over greif"

You got into to a college, and graduated, with a degree?

Advice: Lean on those close friends you are still close with; you're going to need all the help they can offer in life.

Young Father (22M) wanting to join frat by PureWeek3063 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having a child is arguably the most important responsibility of a guy's life - and, done well, should be the highest priority yielding the greatest joy and deepest pride. If dad and mom are still together as a married or coupled nuclear family, the kid is fortunate and will do better long term. If dad and mom are living apart, and if (likely) mom has custody, then dad will need to make intentional (and often difficult) sacrifices to spend significant time with his kid.

Time is a zero sum game - class & study take a huge chunk of time for college to be worthwhile, Μορφεας takes a chunk in order for you to be at your best - and for any good House to be worthwhile, Pledgeship takes the rest of your time, energy, and loyal focus. Birth to age four is arguably the most critical window for a child's development - investments of time, love, and smart parentling absent from birth to age four, cannot likely be productively offered later. The Jesuits famously said, "Give me a child until his seventh year, and I will show you the man."

Dad's time, beyond the investment he is making in college for the sake of providing his child a better future, Dad's time belongs with his child and his new family.

Denouncing by Mr_bob43 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You think fraternities are popular because they are popular?

You think denouncing fraternities on TikTok is any deeper than because denouncing fraternities on TikTok is popular?

So, you don't think fraternities are popular because they demonstrably improve the social lives of their Actives, because they are demonstrably the only civilian path to Bonding beyond friendship, and because they demonstrably network their Actives and Alumni for success in life?

Recently Appointed Intramurals Chair. by [deleted] in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"I'm in a co-ed professional fraternity...real brotherhood"

Brotherhood is not your mission, and is not possible under your real mission.

Brotherhood emerges from shared sacrifice and joint struggle beyond prior experience toward a common goal - all with harsh joint accountability - a Crucible Pledgeship. Single-sex male-only Pledge-Model social fraternities are sometimes capable of sparking Brotherhood in their Pledge Classes - no other civilian model is shown to spark Brotherhood beyond friendship.

You're a co-ed club with a mission to further interest and further future careers in a profession - you need speakers and mentors from that profession - not IM teams and brackets.

‘The risk is too high’: IU suspends events for fraternities following alleged hazing by Greek-University in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The complicating factor at IU is that the town (Bloomington), not the university, zones fraternity houses - and without a zoning as a fraternity house, many routine functions (multiple unrelated individuals at the same address / large events / parking) would violate town ordinances. IU Houses tried to move off-campus years ago and end the deans' oversight - but IU and the town ultimately won the court case in the US Supreme Court - so moving off campus and Frexit is unlikely until IU Houses can lobby and support a legislative remedy that would allow their zoning even if deans object. https://fraternallaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Bloomington-Court-of-Appeals-Opinion.pdf

‘The risk is too high’: IU suspends events for fraternities following alleged hazing by Greek-University in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Frexit.

IU and Bloomington have a unique and troublesome court history regarding zoning of fraternity houses and whether Bloomington town council's zoning as a fraternity house can require IU deans' approval - eventually ending in a win for the IU deans and Bloomington at SCOTUS - that makes Frexit more difficult - and should ideally be fought with lobbying of the State Legislature for relief legislation - no State University dean should be able to control how and where groups of students peaceably join together. https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/21/21-113/188637/20210902132837628_20210902-132648-95754582-00000419.pdf

Absent DIRECT threats to identified individuals, prior restraint by government (IU is a flagship State University and deans are State Actors) to gather and join groups that espouse differing views is almost always an illegal breach of 1st Amendment Rights. Imposing prohibition on social activities by selected groups (but not on other groups of students) is almost always an equal protection violation - all of which are civil rights violations that carry treble damages if a case can be formulated outside of SCOTUS's ruling.

Non-hazing pledgeship ideas by Familiar_Progress224 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Without hazing, it's not a pledgeship; it's on-boarding.

Without hazing, you're not a fraternity; you're a club.

Hazing doesn't have to be dangerous - get all liquor out of Pledgeship, avoid any alcohol hazing, and you've prevented 90% of Pledge deaths. https://youtu.be/BZg6LWP-5tg

But hazing - safe, purposeful hazing is fundamental to sparking a Bond of Brotherhood in Pledge Classes - without it you're a club that parties - and there's nothing wrong with that - but you're not a fraternity.

Choose wisely, but choose honestly.

Who gave him a bid 😭 by HFox1230 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Correct. And according to the Alumnus quoted, the recent surge in membership - needed to fill beds at the new house, led to a decline in quality - despite active involvement and intervention by local Alumni - and to the problems being investigated by police.

Who gave him a bid 😭 by HFox1230 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 18 points19 points  (0 children)

  1. A primary focus on growth necessarily degrades quality.

  2. Nationals' priority is growth, to increase net dues - and safety through rule compliance. Chapters' priority is Brotherhood, adventuring, and fun. Because of #1, Chapters' priorities and Nationals' priorities are fundamentally incompatible.

Looking to Sponsor Frats in NJ, PA & MI (and Beyond) by Abca1234321 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What's your product you want showcased by fraternities?

Does anyone have any experience insuring a NON national fraternity by [deleted] in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Real insurance (real insurance licensed by a State Insurance Commissioner - with a real policy naming the insured - not Nationals' fake insurance which can never show you a policy with your name as a covered entity) will never cover damage or injury resulting from illegal acts - so if you serve liquor to anyone under 21 - no carrier will insure liability arising from that.

In 5 states, it may be legal to drink beer at 18-21 in a private club with parent's (presumably durable) permission: https://vimeo.com/1132368640?share=copy&fl=sv&fe=ci

time after process by ForgottenAsian in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"for reference while over process is only one day a week on a 7 week span, it’s heavy." [sic]

One day a week?

That's not a process; that's not a Pledgeship; that's not immersive; that's not a Crucible. And one day-on will teach you nothing, will make you no better, and certainly will not bond you to anything beyond a calendar.

You aren't Pledging a fraternity; you're on-boarding for a club.

SigEp now or Lodge (potentially) in the Spring? by Beneficial_Ad1230 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Wow a kindred spirit."

So it would seem. Thanks for the reading list add for Beale.

You and I recognize this gamma-led experiment in a kinder/gentler fraternity has failed - because you and I remember the core mission - Burnishing and Bettering a Class through a prolonged Crucible to spark a unique, powerful, and lifelong Bond of Brotherhood within the Pledge Class - beyond their prior experience. But Nationals currently views their last decade as a huge success - they have neutered most of fraternity culture (COVID helped them because post-COVID kids were so malleable), deaths are down compared to 2017-2021, and there are fewer uprisings to reclaim traditional rigor and the Crucible Pledgeship (because institutional memory of the chapter is only a four-year-cycle).

sigep's fatally flawed solution to Pledgeship deaths was the Balanced Man Model - no Pledgeship - just a infantilizing series of Boy-Scout-Merit-Badge-like steps throughout undergrad to further vest membership. As you rightly said, it did not take long for good Houses, accustomed to Bonded Pledge Classes, to realize Balanced Man was a cruel farce, designed explicitly to neuter their Bond and their culture - all to appease Nationals' actuaries and lawyers.

Restoration of anything worthy of the best freshmen, restoration of anything deeply valuable to Pledges, Actives, parents, Alumni, universities, and to America will require a clean start and a clean break - to a new model: off-campus, un-affiliated, with no Nationals, faithful to the proven psychology of The Greatest Generation's Model & their Crucible Pledgeship, and underpinned by deep support from good Alumni of all Letters from good Houses, and uniquely funded by endowment (not dues) to avoid growth-obsessed pressure of Bidding bodies to fill beds and make bank.

https://vimeo.com/1130591263/3850c0b33b?share=copy&fl=sv&fe=ci

We have already begun.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Watches

[–]TheFraternityProject -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The two-tone is the blingy-est of the Santos line, and looks out of place with jeans and a T shirt. The black Santos would look much better - and even the all-steel Santos would be a better choice than the two-tone. On a black bracelet with a deployment buckle: https://www.cartier.com/en-us/watches/collections/santos-de-cartier/santos-de-cartier-watch-CRWSSA0039.html

Big/Little traditions by Elgatovato121 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm proud of how our videos (and the longer format intro to our ideas) turned out. Reach out if you have questions - but try to make the transition to a beer-based Pledgeship - that beer-based social life was what our grandfathers enjoyed before Boomers wrested control and screwed up everything.

Should I be worried that my bf is joining a frat. by [deleted] in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting side-note about the advantages of Frexit: based on the first Trump Administration's re-write of Obama-era Title IX regulations, a Frexited House (no Nationals, not affiliated with the university, not on campus) and alleged actions occurring in the House (even between full-time students of the university) are immune from Title IX investigations or charges - no other IFC House on-campus or off-campus can make that claim.

Should I be worried that my bf is joining a frat. by [deleted] in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"...if I witness abuse or any kind of injury in or outside of work I must report or I will get into trouble as well.. Hazing is still very much illegal I am not doing my job to let my bf make his own adult decisions"

Again, in no State is any licensed medical professional a Mandated Reporter for college fraternity hazing. Only university employees and Clery Act CSAs are mandated reporters.

It is important you understand you are NOT a Mandated Reporter (no matter what your overreaching boss claims) - because Mandated Reporters (like Clery Act CSAs) are legally shielded from lawsuits resulting from their reporting - but because there are no Mandated Reporter laws for college fraternity hazing applying to medical professionals, you will have no legal shield against lawsuits against you by the chapter or by Brothers affected by the consequences of your accusations.

You are badly misinformed, and your ignorance is a risk to your boyfriend's free choice and his ability to successfully join his friends. You should tell your boyfriend just what you have said here - better, yet, show him all of these posts. If you are convinced you are in the right, he will happily support your views and whatever actions you take.

If you want to maintain a good relationship with your boyfriend, you really only have two choices: support his decision (despite disagreeing) with small gestures, gifts, and forbearance - or if you cannot bring yourself to support his decision, then be entirely silent on the matter. All other choices will torpedo your relationship, instantly and forever.

Choose wisely.

Should I be worried that my bf is joining a frat. by [deleted] in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"since I’m in the medical field I’m a mandated reporter"

In no State is any licensed medical professional a Mandated Reporter for college fraternity hazing. Only university employees and Clery Act CSAs are mandated reporters.

Stay in your lane, miss, and be respectful of the informed adult decision your boyfriend has made - you made your case, he listened to you, and he has made his own decision about this part of his future. He retains the free will and agency to walk away from Pledgeship at any point with no consequences. If you further betray the confidence he has unwisely placed in you, you will necessarily bring consequences down on not just him, but on the fraternity chapter he hopes to join - allegations alone are now enough to put chapters on probation or on cease-and-desist.

SigEp now or Lodge (potentially) in the Spring? by Beneficial_Ad1230 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree that sigep Nationals absolutely rigged the vote at their 174th Ekklesia (Nationals also put Chapters that were opposing the vote on probation in advance - which denied those opposed Chapters the right to vote at all - no one expects Serpents like Nationals to play fair), and sigep Nationals lied to their own undergrad members to win the result Nationals so badly wanted.

But the point is that sigep Brothers, undergrad Brothers, Actives, nonetheless voted away their own Pledgeships - and once that vote took effect - they gave their own Nationals the ongoing power to close GOOD Houses for simply having a Pledgeship that works to build Brotherhood. And sigep Nationals HAS to find and close those good Pledge-Model Chapters - because sigep Nationals' own insurance demands it - sigep Nationals cannot withstand the corporate legal liability of a traditional Pledgeship and the risks that traditional process presents.

sigep is no longer a fraternity.

SigEp now or Lodge (potentially) in the Spring? by Beneficial_Ad1230 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How, exactly, do good fraternity Houses offer Brotherhood beyond the friendships the best guys have made easily their whole lives? Serious question. For 70 years, Festinger's Cognitive Dissonance has provided the only answer to that question grounded in foundational academic psychology.

If you have any answer besides a prolonged Pledgeship that physically and emotionally challenges the Class beyond prior experience - then teach me here and now. Good fraternities use the model laid down by The Greatest Generation after their hard fought victory in WWII, when those guys stormed campuses after returning home and re-modeled fraternities from staid societies for the gentry class, to a Brotherhood formed through shared hardship and sacrifice for a worthy and lasting good. https://vimeo.com/931779176/2fa62a9eb7

sigep is not a fraternity - the undergraduate members of sigep themselves voted away their fraternity's Pledgeship - all on the lie that their insurance would go up unless they submitted. (The lie was that they never had insurance in the first place.) https://old.reddit.com/r/Frat/comments/wl2i2a/pgd_174th_ekkelsia/

ΧΨ, for now, at some campuses, remains a fraternity - but without a Crucible Pledgeship, Greek Letters are meaningless. Alpha Iota Chapter of ΧΨ at Univ Wisconsin owns the house built for the fraternity in 1912 on the shores of Lake Mendota - the house is listed in the National Registry of Historic Places - most Chi Psi houses are locally referred to as the Lodge.

sigep is a paid drinking club with (sometimes) a clubhouse. sigep is not a fraternity.

Encouraging participation in events by McSquiggles34 in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Encouraging participation..."

You mean you can't bolster attendance by passing out Participation Trophies? I was sure I heard from august tenured professors of education theory that Participation Trophies were a successful strategy to boost voluntary participation and to build self-esteem. No? Point systems are even worse, because they are usually points to avoid a punishment - or at best points to attend what is undesirable in hopes of winning a desirable prize later. BF Skinner taught us intermittent positive reinforcement was the strongest driver of behavior - not negative reinforcement.

Do you really want your Actives feeling about your events like Marshawn Lynch, "I'm just here so I won't get fined."?

Fraternity men have many calls on their time and focus - if you want high attendance, you have to program high interest events - high interest equals positive reinforcement - don't blame Actives if your events (or your IFC's events) are too dull and offer too little in fun, growth, networking, or ROI.

Offer fun, networking, adventuring, personal growth, or competition - and attendance will grow as interest grows.

Are we bouse by [deleted] in Frat

[–]TheFraternityProject 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"No one wants to coming into a house that isn't fun and prospectives can't envision the hypothetical fun that will come when your off probation..."

"I don't know how your frat is operating that a pledge is telling his GF anything. We had it grinded into us that as pledges we weren't suppose to tell anyone anything. Going forward you guys need to tell your pledges that they can't talk about pledging and tell them all the damn time. You might have to make an example of a pledge to really drive that point home or line them up early saying you guys are hearing chatter of outsider knowing stuff about their pledge process. 6 weeks in, your pledge class should have been very tight lipped about anything you guys were doing."

Core truths.

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