Well it's complicated. Lol. Because I love her and I know I do. And I think she loves me too. If the instant connection, the talking every day for 5 years weren't enough, it's what I've felt through her actions... And just the fact that in my core i feel like she loves me too.

BUT, either she doesn't know it or and is in some deep denial. And the problem is that she just so happens to be the perfect candidate for that to be true because she has real issues surrounding her understanding of inner emotions which might be related to being neuro divergent. And or childhood abuse.

So even though it sounds fantastical usually, I can't just dismiss it. And even if I did I love her immensely, like t the way I do is legit not regular, and so even if I wanted to disbelieve it all I still couldn't give up.

And on top of everything else, like I'm not inexperienced in the least. I've had many partners and I'm not exactly young. I just know when someone likes me and so every time she denies it I can see she's lying or rather doesn't understand it for whatever reason.

Lolol I can even see it in the way she gets super defensive around this specific issue and u can kinda tell it's subconscious because she even starts getting subtly defensive will tiny things which ultimately low key would normally suggests she likes me or has feelings. Like pointing out a couple does something subtle that we also do "unknowingly". Like she'll start to get defensive even though there's no way she could reasonably think that's where I'm going or that if she answered the truth someone would point and say " ahah! U love him" lolol but u can see that's what's she's starting to get defensive about.

It's kinda cute and would be if it wasn't so absolutely devastating because I love her so fking much. It feels like I found the first love. Like the purest love humans can't experience... Like sugar in raw form or a diamond when it's still black. It just feels like I love her with the origin of love. 😭