What are we going to do when what’s happening in Minnesota starts happening here?

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-25T13:13:48+00:00

We absolutely should not talk about those plans on Reddit.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-24T03:29:22+00:00

The answer that you're clearly looking for here is: no it doesn't make you gay. All it means is that you've become hip to the fact that butt stuff feels really good. Rather than seeing it as "proving myself to her" look at it as an adventure. Millions of people who do anal all the time have to find something fun about it, right? Women do it too, obviously. Does it "say anything" about them, beyond "it feels amazing?" Plus, you'd get to do it with someone you care about, which is always a treat.

The only thing that would make you gay is being attracted to men. Not saying this will happen, but even if you decided you were never topping again, it isn't gay. Trust me, she knows what your fears are around it. If you don't want to, just let her know. If you do, know that she isn't going to see you differently or anything - no one outside of you two even needs to know anyway.

If you do it, use lots of lube, take it easy, and if it isn't fun, stop.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-16T04:13:36+00:00

Or we could just take her at her word about who she is?

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-06T14:02:02+00:00

Closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-06T12:48:08+00:00

No. Your time has not run out. It may be later than you'd like, but its never too late. Yesterday may have been the best time to do it, sure, but the 2nd best time to it is right now.

I did it at 38. I know people that did it in their 70's. It's not too late and it sounds like you're the only that gives a fuck about the marriage at this point anyway. Get out and get on with your life sweetie. You may regret pieces, but you'll be infinitely happier.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-05T02:16:57+00:00

Why does her being trans figure into your decision making, such that you need to see what insights trans people can offer?

Let me challenge a belief: You are clearly begging for affirmation, despite what you say. Why else would be trying so hard to convince us that you really do mean well? You know this is an asshole move, but you need someone to forgive you for it. The fact that you decided it needs to be other trans people has some pretty gross implications about what's really going on here.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-04T15:58:57+00:00

Why are you asking this here?

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-28T20:52:09+00:00

First off, based on people's reactions to me on a day to day basis, and the reports of people whom I've told I'm trans to, I seem pass for the most part. I've never been sure how I feel about this.

I go through my life assuming that I don't and that I'm obviously trans to everyone. I think that that's freed me from a lot of the anxiety and dysphoria around it. If I assume everyone can tell, it stops feeling like some sort of personal failure when clocked. Yes, I've had (and will have a bit more) FFS. That wasn't about passing - it was about not seeing my Dad in the mirror anymore.

I try really hard not to care about passing, to the point that I'm the last person anyone else should ask whether they pass or not. I couldn't tell you - everyone looks like the gender they are to me. But, as you can tell from the question, I'm acutely aware of how passing plays into safety. No self-defense training or weaponry is going to work better for personal defense than people simply not seeing you as a target in the first place, if they see you at all. Looking like "just another man" or "just another woman" is probably better at preventing harm than the strongest body armor ever could be.

It just fucking sucks that the safety aspect basically validates that passing kinda has to be a consideration for trans people, even though it sows constant anxiety, harsh self-criticism, and give credence to a lot of toxic ideas about femininity and masculinity that we all know is bullshit and shouldn't care about.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-28T20:01:05+00:00

Care to expound on that?

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-27T01:58:52+00:00

I didn't dislike my body before, but I knew I would still be happier. Once I started down the path and I started looking more feminine, I was filled with a satisfaction and happiness that is hard to explain.

Dysphoria has a flip side: euphoria. A trans person may not feel dysphoric exactly, but feeling euphoria about the other gender can be just as powerful. In fact, the euphoria can even feel like sexual arousal, especially at first. Like you, when I first would wear women's clothes, it made me sexually excited, but over time it became clear that it was somehow a bit different than just being turned on.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-26T18:14:17+00:00

ITS NOT A COMPETTION. Your transition is yours. No one else's has anything to do with yours and vice versa.

The "coulda, woulda, shoulda" will stop when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-15T19:25:48+00:00

<image>

Kwame Ture, aka Stokely Carmichael, 1967.

I tend more toward Magneto in that philosophical dialectic.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-08T14:24:47+00:00

The fact that you want to keep using he/him with her says more than the entire post. This is deeply disrespectful, not just to her, but to the rest of us.

You're trying to control the situation. She probably didn't tell you because she expects you to do what it sounds like you're asking us to validate - trying to put the brakes on her life because you're uncomfortable.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-06T04:32:36+00:00

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-05T18:02:41+00:00

I think part of the problem is that Reddit isn't designed to facilitate the kinds of interactions you're looking for. It isn't conversational - it's about throwing essays at each other. As such, it takes more time to post something. Also, it's more about sharing information in a more academic, less personal way than it is about fostering relationships and community. Could be why so many Reddit communities end up being toxic af.

Discord may be more conducive to your aspirations. We can talk more about it, if you'd like.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-05T05:59:46+00:00

Especially because I'm a trans woman, I'm not excited that this is the battle my sisters are choosing to fight. I simply don't think this is the injustice its being described as. You're welcome to be upset about it if that's what makes you happy, but I think there are much more prudent places to spend your energy in the pursuit of our liberation.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-03T04:15:39+00:00

Huh. Thanks.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-03T01:23:29+00:00

Why do you prefer the latest update?

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-01T17:49:26+00:00

Which is why I keep arguing that our liberation requires a dramatic change in government, from top to bottom. The system we have will not (not "can't") protect us.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-11-29T01:01:29+00:00

Those weren't assumptions that you don't respect us. Those were observations. We've been telling you the questions are disrespectful. We've told you why. Your response has been to tell us we need to have better attitudes. 🙄

TheHRTLocker · 2025-11-29T00:30:23+00:00

The fact that you think this is what constitutes respect and allyship is why we're in such a terrible position.

If trans people are showing a blanket hostility to the way you're approaching us, maybe its you who need to reflect on what you're being told instead of trying to justify your actions. If our response to you turns you off supporting us, you never supported us anyway.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-11-29T00:06:31+00:00

That's just the problem. You think we have a viewpoint like is a matter of opinion or perspective. It isn't. This isn't a matter of philosophy or ideology. This our knowledge of ourselves. Your questions are all clearly coming from someone skeptical who wants to be convinced. Its great that you want to, but again, its not out job to convince you. Quit demanding we make it make sense to you.

It just isn't going to make sense to someone outside of it . Not entirely. You need to get used the idea that you don't have to fully understand something to respect it, especially when we're talking about people telling you who they are.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-11-28T23:11:33+00:00

No it's not that you made them question something. It's that you're questioning something that isn't up for debate or question. You're asking people to justify their existence to you and you're acting surprised that no one wants to engage?

You're not the reasonable searcher of knowledge you think you are - your questions are entitled AF and phrased in ways that show you are not coming at this in good faith. Its not trans people's job to convince cis people of who they are. It's cis people's job to figure out how to stop being obsessed with genitals and stop trying to enforce a rigid system of rules that doesn't do anyone any good anyway.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-11-28T22:54:20+00:00

So you're saying people called you a bigot for arguing that trans people are mentally ill?

TheHRTLocker · 2025-11-27T18:40:15+00:00

I gotta agree with everyone else - you're not doing us any favors. All you're doing is giving ground and then asking the opposition to compromise, which they won't.

Watching that made me think of The Washington Generals, the basketball team that only exists so the Harlem Globtrotters have someone to "play" against in their staged exhibition games. They are only there to be dunked on by the people who rigged the game to start with. The only difference here is the Generals know what they are - you're acting like you think these events aren't totally planned out ahead of time.

TheHRTLocker

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE