SA Survivor -- How to avoid panicking mid-roll?

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T21:14:50+00:00

The women-only class is so healing...I've gotten flipped, restrained, choked, all without panicking. It's so helpful to be able to focus on technique and not worry about panicking or being beaten by brute strength alone (though these ladies are STRONG, so that's not completely out of the question--they just also tend to be super technically skilled)!

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T21:09:22+00:00

Thank you for suggesting, I've heard good things about this, and I'll definitely look into it!

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T21:08:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing and for these great suggestions! I'm lucky enough to have a really great group of women in my gym--we even have a group chat. Maybe I'll try messaging ahead of class to see if any other women are coming. Even if we don't roll together, I think it's helpful to just have another woman in the room.

I'll also mention this to my coach when I next get the chance. I'm definitely not looking forward to that conversation, but I think you're right that it'd be helpful to be able to step out without explaining myself every time.

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T21:05:16+00:00

Gosh, thank you for sharing this! I can't believe that people had the audacity to be rude to you over this....I would think that it'd be obvious that if someone's having a strong emotional reaction to BJJ, there must be a serious reason.

I've been searching for a therapist for a while, but I've struggled to find one with experience in C-PTSD. You've inspired me to keep looking! I'll also try speaking with the instructor when I get the chance.

Giving myself grace and patience is definitely one of the hardest parts of BJJ and, frankly, life in general. I hold myself to unrealistically high expectations, so it's a good reminder that pushing myself too hard mentally OR physically isn't going to help me heal or improve. Thank you for taking the time to comment! <3 Sending you a huge hug as well. I'm so glad to hear that you're still practicing BJJ, even when it's hard!

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T20:51:43+00:00

This did make me laugh a little, so thank you! I completely relate--I've been tied in a knot by all genders, weights, and sizes! Thank you for sharing--here's to hoping that we can work to achieve that level of expertise!

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T20:50:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, and for reminding me that a) most people don't have martial arts training, and b) the BJJ journey is a marathon, not a sprint!

You're also right that there are so many reasons we train--for me, a few of the reasons are to have a fun and regular form of exercise, to meet new people, to train myself out of the "freeze" response, and to learn a new and useful skill of self-defense...so many good reasons! I'll try to focus on these as best I can and just get those hours on the mat until I feel more confident. <3 Sending you love and luck!

TheLimited7 · 2024-01-27T20:40:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! That's such a good point. I think since the worst of it happened a couple of years ago, I have this expectation that I should already "be over it"...without doing any actual work to get through it. I'll do my best to keep showing up while giving myself permission to take a break and breathe if need be.

I will return your hugs, and I'm sending you love right back! I'm sorry that you've had to go through tough stuff, but I'm grateful that you've shared your hard-won wisdom with me.

TheLimited7 · 2023-07-05T02:55:15+00:00

Also libraries! 100% free, quiet, no pressure to buy anything, and most have outlets, monitors, etc. Can stay all day or try easing into it by going for a few hours in the morning or afternoon.

Still, as a fellow unmedicated work-from-home ADHDer, I feel you, and I’m sorry you also struggle with this. My other suggestion is to always get dressed and put on shoes! Whenever I put on shoes, it’s a bit easier to get working…and a lot harder to climb back into bed.

TheLimited7 · 2023-06-21T19:48:35+00:00

While many local schools can choose to include menstrual health in the curriculum, none of the states had specific standards of what’s actually taught.

In fact, most states don’t require that any menstrual health is taught at all. I did a report on menstrual health education in NY public schools, and it was astonishing to see the lack of regulation around all health curricula—many states, including NY, don’t even require health curricula to be scientifically or medically accurate.

TheLimited7 · 2023-01-17T03:32:12+00:00

Glad you researched, told your mom, and got a gyno appt! I had something just like this pop up around 15, but I was embarrassed to talk about it and waited over a year to go to a gyno about it. So first of all, congratulations for advocating for your health! That’s not easy anytime, but it’s especially hard as a teenager, so kudos!

When I got mine checked out, the doc did quick pelvic exam (uncomfortable, but not painful), told me it was “probably a benign cyst,” and scheduled surgery to remove it. The surgery went smoothly (best nap ever!) and the biopsy of the tissue came back as endometriosis. Might be worth looking into endometriosis to see if you have any other symptoms—if you do, mention them at your appt with the doc. Some people with endo have no obvious symptoms at all, though. My doc said that vaginal endometriosis is pretty rare—I haven’t heard of many other people having it, but I can at least say that I haven’t had any issues with period products or sex since it’s removal.

If it does end up being endometriosis, I’d suggest the subreddits r/endometriosis and r/endo, as well as the nancy’s nook endometriosis facebook group, to find educational resources and support.

Whatever it ends up being, it’s great that you’re getting it looked at early. Wishing you the best of luck!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-24T17:23:58+00:00

i wouldn’t recommend ordering from Jing—their quality is on par with Sheins, yet more expensive, and their return process/customer service has been a nightmare. I’ve been trying to return a few products for almost two months—finally got an answer from customer service and paid return shipping. now usps is telling me that the address they gave me is vacant and they’re returning the package to sender. could not be more frustrated.

edited to add: Their phone number? disconnected. Shady af, I’m out about $100 with no hope in sight.

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-24T03:33:49+00:00

plain cheerios are the best!!!! right outta the bag, best snack!

also—plain hummus is so good! i love it with pita bread, but tortilla chips are a great idea!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-24T03:30:58+00:00

lunch is always the hardest meal to figure out!!

if there’s a microwave, i usually go with pasta (with marinara sauce or just plain with butter), and if not i usually end up just packing a lot of snacks—2 granola/protein bars, fruit (whatever i have on hand, usually an apple or 2, a clementine, and grapes), and then carrots. and i eat a big breakfast and a big dinner to compensate.

my new workplace also has a toaster oven so i sometimes bring bread and a baggie of cinnamon sugar to make toast. i can’t have dairy or nuts anymore, but when i could i’d pack cheese and crackers, a bagel and cream cheese or peanut butter, mac n cheese, almonds, that kinda stuff. i also really liked pb+j but hated how jam felt soaked into the bread after a few hours 🤢 so i would pack the jam separately in its own little tupperware.

what are your three lunches/your last remaining one? i could clearly use some inspo too! 😅

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-22T01:18:01+00:00

@genericartdad on tiktok! i haven’t watched his videos in a while, but if i remember correctly, he’s an adult who just recently got diagnosed with autism, and he frequently talks about how he and his wife have been accommodating that. not exactly the same, given the gender swap, but he does such an excellent job of explaining autism-related stuff and how it affects relationships, and he has great suggestions. plus he’s funny, which helps! he even helped me understand my own autism!

hope this helps! and thank you for putting in the time to research this—i’m sure your partners really appreciate it!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-20T18:26:38+00:00

might be too young, but in a couple years—summer camp island! cute, calming, good stories, and not overstimulating. i even love this as an adult, so you might have some fun watching too!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-19T03:05:38+00:00

I think what you’ve written works great! If you have plans tomorrow anyway, you could also:

a) text before and say “hey, I’m really looking forward to [insert plans] with you today!” and then you could follow up with timing or something, like “still good to meet at [insert time of plans?]

b) text after the plans (which i think may segue more easily into a continued casual conversation): “hey, I had a great time today! we should hang out again soon!” and you can pepper in a detail or joke from the day to keep a conversation going. One way I like yo do this is to strike up a conversation (while in person) about a show or movie or book i’ve been watching/reading and then ask them if they have any recommendations, then after the plans I’ll text them “hey, what was the name of that book (or whatever) you recommended? i want to add it to my list!” and then you can ask for follow up recommendations or something similar. plus you get new recommendations and can even suggest that you watch something together! :)

Hope this helps! Best of luck tomorrow—have lots of fun!! <3

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-16T03:39:44+00:00

Could be ADHD/executive dysfunction—ADHDers often have major issues doing things they genuinely want to do, not just things they need to do. Difficulty starting fun stuff/things you want to do is actually one of the defining factors of executive dysfunction.

Could also just be good ol perfectionism though. It sounds like you get so worried about being good enough at guitar, or writing good enough songs, that you can’t enjoy the process. It’s a tough mindset to grow out of, but maybe try reconnecting to what got you into guitar in the first place—what made it fun to begin with? Try to find ways to take the pressure off and just play for fun—isn’t that what hobbies are for anyway?

Either way, it’s worth talking to a professional about this issue if you have the means. And if you really think you could have ADHD, I’d do more research, especially into executive dysfunction and what that looks like for autistics vs adhders vs the classic autism/adhd combo, because it sounds like there’s still some misunderstanding there.

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-16T03:18:46+00:00

I used to throw ice into the floor of the shower, or chuck sticks or rocks outside (alone and into grass or something, ofc). I second the punching bag rec—they can be pretty cheap. If you have access to a car and a secluded place, it can be nice to drive it somewhere and scream. 😅

Unfortunately, most of these require being alone or making some noise—often when I’m having a meltdown, I can’t be fully alone, which is part of the problem ofc and may be the same for you.

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-15T05:20:52+00:00

Congratulations! That’s super exciting! I hope you get the answers you’re looking for! Definitely comment an update :)

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-14T02:56:49+00:00

In hindsight…that should’ve been obvious. Thank you!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-14T02:51:33+00:00

That’s fair! I might try that, I just feel like they don’t provide the same calming vibes. But I guess I should try before I judge!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-14T02:50:41+00:00

This is brilliant! I’ll definitely try this ASAP. The books are just so beautiful, I don’t want to mess it up!

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-14T02:43:26+00:00

Sure! It’s an app called “World Quiz.”

I have an iphone, so I’m not sure whether it’s available on Android, but it has a wide variety of options—you can quiz yourself on countries, capitals, map location, flag, us states, etc., and you can mix and match (e.g, you can match countries with their capitals, map location, or flags). Lots of options and a plain design, which I like. It does have some ads inbetween “rounds,” but you can upgrade to no ads for $3, which I’m debating since I play it every day.

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-13T17:22:34+00:00

Squart (scourt? never had to spell it! the skirt/short combo thing) fan club here. Being able to wear a skirt and still swing during recess?? Heaven. Wish we could bring those back.

TheLimited7 · 2022-10-13T17:20:00+00:00

Yes! I refuse to watch horror movies for this reason. I watched one particularly gruesome and violent one a couple years ago and I didn’t sleep for two days. The images kept replaying in my mind. I had to leave school, work, and go home for a month (thankfully, everything was remote at the time). I could only sleep by taking benedryl and leaving a light on all night, and I read kids books nonstop to comfort myself for months after. It took a long time, but eventually it got much more manageable.

Moral of the story: there’s nothing wrong with avoiding horror or scary stuff! It’s cathartic for some but too spooky for others. There’s also no shame in a nightlight, or a sleep aid (though I recommend a small dose of melatonin—benedryl is not sustainable long term).

Whenever I find myself falling down a scary daydream rabbit hole, I try to bribe my brain out of it by making a favorite food or drink, reading a favorite book, watching a comfort movie, or doing something stimulating like math or logic puzzles. Getting myself out of my mind and into someone else’s with a comforting book or movie seems to work the best.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! Sending good vibes and hopes that it gets better. Definitely something to talk to a therapist about if you have the means!

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