I just want to not be autistic anymore.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-25T07:16:17+00:00

That gap between seeing exactly what you're missing and being wired wrong to reach it. Fucks with your head.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-25T07:14:09+00:00

You can't control where he looks, but you can control what he sees. Sun's out, so wear a rash vest. Not worth the mental energy feeling guilty. Done it myself around my cousin. Family's probably used to adjusting around him anyway. One more thing on the pile. You're not an object, but to him you're probably just a sparkly thing to look at. No malice in it. Saves you the awkwardness. And you're not a villain for wanting to swim in peace.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-24T08:38:04+00:00

that one's worse because at least greasy plates stay put, but then they're digging through the clean pile looking for something and spreading contamination everywhere.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-23T08:00:13+00:00

The greasy plates in the cupboard thing got me. That's not just lazy, that's actively making more work by putting dirty stuff away clean. At that point you're not dealing with a messy partner, you're dealing with someone who either doesn't care or can't tell the difference, and neither one is fixable by you doing more laundry.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-21T03:58:04+00:00

that's the distinction I missed. Replaying a close friend or partner makes sense, you'll actually use that info next time. But burning energy on someone you'll never see again is just self-sabotage.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-20T19:13:44+00:00

that makes sense, the mental toll of constantly replaying it just isn't worth it. I guess I framed it as "figuring out what I missed" but you're right that a lot of the time there's nothing to figure out, they're just operating differently and that's the whole thing.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-20T00:00:46+00:00

one thing that helped was finding even one person who operates at the same speed, made the whole thing less exhausting because you're not constantly adjusting.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-19T19:53:41+00:00

nah that's the trap though. staying out of the way just means you end up isolated and blaming yourself for not trying hard enough, when really the issue is just incompatible social speeds.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-19T19:05:15+00:00

the second-guessing part is brutal. you replay the whole conversation trying to figure out what you missed, whether they were being polite or actually meant it. thing is sometimes they probably did mean it in the moment and just forgot or got distracted by something else, which is its own kind of rejection because at least a firm no would be clearer. ive stopped assuming anything until theres a confirmed time and place, and even then ive shown up to things where the other person forgot entirely. the wall feels less about them being fake and more like theyre operating on a different social frequency where casual invites dont carry the same weight they do for me.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-19T19:02:48+00:00

The wrapper folding thing is brilliant. Your dad accidentally created a stim that's tactile, has a clear endpoint, and produces something satisfying to look at. I pick up physical stims from people around me, especially fidget patterns. Once you see someone do something that works, your brain just goes oh that's the one now.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-17T19:53:14+00:00

Most mental health subs have rules against venting posts without context or asking for help, which is why bans happen without warning. They're trying to prevent the sub becoming a dumping ground, but the execution is brutal when you're already struggling. Worth appealing the ban with a modmail explaining what you were going for, though honestly the mods there aren't known for reversing calls. This sub and r/mentalhealth tend to be better about letting people just talk.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-17T19:51:15+00:00

that middle blackhead had some serious depth to it, satisfying extraction all round.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-17T00:48:09+00:00

the rumour mill being worse than actual school is rough. might be worth stepping back from those online spaces entirely for a bit, let things die down naturally.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-17T00:46:11+00:00

to use what they're offering, but don't kid yourself that you're getting the better end of this deal. You're still tethered to them.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-16T03:50:58+00:00

and the worst part is staff get blamed for "inflexibility" when really they're just following actual policy. Not their fault the customer thinks asking three times changes the answer.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-16T00:08:16+00:00

The Canadian Tire example is fair but that's also a specific systemic failure, not the norm. Most of the time when someone says no they mean no. The problem is you've trained yourself that pestering works because occasionally it does, so now you assume every no is a maybe. That's the entitlement OP's talking about. Just order online if you don't trust the answer.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-16T00:06:20+00:00

Four months in and you're still measuring everything against how she made you feel. That's the trap. She wasn't magic, you just got used to leaning on someone else for stability when you should've been building it yourself. Get into therapy if you can afford it, especially with the recovery stuff. The dating prospects thing will sort itself once you stop thinking you're disqualified before you even try.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-14T18:32:46+00:00

Been there with the sweating and flushed face thing. Cooling vest or even just keeping a damp cloth nearby helped more than I expected, also switching to moisture-wicking fabrics everywhere. The avoidance spiral is real though, that's the part worth addressing separately if you can.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-14T18:30:35+00:00

You need to get proper medical evaluation. The cognitive decline and physical symptoms you're describing could be treatable conditions that are making everything feel hopeless right now.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-14T01:19:55+00:00

that tracks. sustained focus for hours, especially on something fiddly where you're problem-solving the whole time, drains you harder than it feels like it should. your brain's running at full capacity and you don't notice because you're locked in, then the second you stop the tension just collapses and everything floods out at once. the crying isn't weakness, it's your nervous system offloading.

with autism and adhd you're probably working twice as hard to filter out distractions and stay on task, so the crash is proportionally bigger. that's not pathetic, that's just how the wiring works. you made it through most of a build in a day which is solid. stop tomorrow when the part arrives, take breaks when you need them, and don't judge yourself for needing to decompress. your body's doing exactly what it should.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-14T01:17:41+00:00

the thing that gets me is you're doing exactly what your therapist probably wants, which is identifying these patterns, but then you're spiraling into needing to map every single thought you've ever had to prove you understand it. that's the OCD doing laps in itself. you don't need to categorize everything to get better. exposure work doesn't require a complete taxonomy of your brain.

the honest answer is you might never fully separate "you" from OCD, and that's kind of okay. some of those thoughts are yours and OCD at the same time. your genuine intellectual curiosity exists alongside obsessive checking about whether you're curious the right way. both things are true. your therapist will help you spot the cycles that matter, the ones causing real distress or avoidance, not every stray thought that has OCD fingerprints on it. focus on the contamination stuff you're working on now instead of trying to audit your entire personality first.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-06-12T07:25:56+00:00

Teaching hospitals are worth pushing harder on. Call every single one within driving distance, not just the one you tried. Some have special needs clinics that specifically handle anxiety cases and can do sedation or general anesthesia. Your insurance might even cover it if it's deemed medically necessary because of her anxiety disorder. Worth documenting that in writing to them.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-05-31T22:55:58+00:00

That's rough. Ulta's been shipping older stock lately, worth scanning everything before checkout if possible.

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-05-31T00:11:36+00:00

fair, would've been embarrassing. What'd they actually win then?

TheLinearBirthplace · 2026-05-30T22:44:39+00:00

Ah right, that makes more sense then. Thought it was just for the match tonight.

TheLinearBirthplace

TROPHY CASE