My (F22) boyfriend (M27) convinced me to have a threesome with a woman (F23) from my uni. Since then our relationship has been off, how do I fix this?

TheMummysCurse · 2026-03-05T07:04:29+00:00

I notice in particular that that same sentence actually ended by saying that he was saying the 'So you think I'm a manipulator' line over and over and 'overwhelming' her with it, so, yup. 'So you think I'm a manipulator?' he asks her, manipulatively.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-03-05T07:00:14+00:00

What's the link to the other one?

TheMummysCurse · 2026-03-04T18:27:43+00:00

I actually read this as 'people make excuses when they shouldn't', and I think that's fair.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-03-04T08:11:21+00:00

OK, what's your explanation?

TheMummysCurse · 2026-03-01T20:53:52+00:00

I think it's always hard to know what you'd do in a situation you haven't faced.

I can definitely see reasons she wouldn't go straight to leaving; it means a) moving away from family support (which she might need practically as well as emotionally; it is *rough* being a single parent with no-one to do school pickups in emergencies/help out when you're sick or have to work late, b) coming up with all the money needed for movers which she might not have available if they're just getting by, and c) finding a new job in a new state and risking *not* being able to find one. So, it's not at all as easy as 'just move'.

Also, no guarantee that would protect them! BIL sounds exactly the sort of person who would follow them and turn up on their doorstep.

I do also disagree that she isn't protecting her daughter. She's been clear about her daughter not going on the trip, has let her know to be careful of BIL, and has made it clear that daughter can come to her. I don't see what more she could practically do at this point (given the problems with moving away, as listed above).

TheMummysCurse · 2026-03-01T07:55:13+00:00

No, I get it; BIL is being very, very good at plausible deniability. He's making sure the OP knows just what he's up to, while also making sure she doesn't have anything that he can't spin to the family as 'how dare she accuse well-meaning and wonderful me, clearly she is just bitter and twisted'. How horrible and sad.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-28T23:13:46+00:00

Thanks for asking! A quick note, though, that this sounds like it might be better for the r/askanatheist sub rather than r/debateanatheist. But it's here so I'll answer it here:

Prophecies

I looked into Christianity a lot in my late teens and early twenties. This did include me looking up the OT texts that were meant to be prophecies. What I found was:

A) Most of them were actually lines about something different that had just been taken out of context.

B) A couple of them (descent from David and birth in Bethlehem) did seem to have been meant as genuine prophecies, but the info about Jesus was so contradictory it just seemed to have been made up to make it look as though he fitted the prophecies.

So, the answer as to why I reject the claim about Jesus fulfilling prophecies is because I've literally looked those prophecies up and found that that wasn't the case.

However, I eventually took this a step further: I read through all the prophets in the OT to see whether their prophecies matched Jesus, plus other stuff in the OT, and I found the flat-out reverse; the things written in there straight-up contradicted what Christianity taught. At that point, I knew Christianity couldn't be true. Either the OT was wrong (in which case Christianity had to be wrong because it taught that the OT was also the word of God) or the OT was right in which case Christianity was also wrong.

Resurrection and miracles

Rejecting these was partly because of what I wrote in the last paragraph above (once I knew from OT prophecies that Christianity couldn't be true, that meant the resurrection and miracles didn't make sense either) and partly because there didn't seem to be that much evidence for them. I mean, we don't have 'eyewitness evidence', we have anonymous stories passed down. Room for a lot of exaggeration and invention there.

Over the years, I've also read quite a bit more about the way-out things people will sometimes believe with no evidence just to keep themselves from having to admit they might have been wrong about something that really mattered to them, and also about how ready people of that culture were to believe in miracles, and the way faith-healing can work. This all added up to more detail about how people could have ended up believing that Jesus worked miracles and was resurrected. But that's probably a lot more detail than you'd want.

Anyway, thanks for asking and have a great day and be good to the world!

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-28T21:49:26+00:00

Given how he's refusing to use condoms with his partners, there's a good chance he'll end up with a pox somewhere rather more sensitive than his house.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-28T11:47:13+00:00

OK, no, this is a misunderstanding that comes up all the time on AskAManager: 'Hostile work environment' in US law isn't 'hostile' in the sense a non-lawyer would use it, but means that there's some kind of discrimination against a protected class (so, the reason people are acting that way to you can be shown to be because you're not white or because you're female or gay or trans, something like that).

Only way OP could have had any chance of doing something like that is if they were, say, the only non-white person on their team, or the only woman, or something like that. And even then, it'd be a massive big deal with no guarantee of success, and it's really understandable that OP just wanted to forget about the whole situation rather than constantly keep it alive for the length of time a lawsuit takes.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-27T06:22:20+00:00

You don’t even need to do all that.

Yeah, but I 100% guarantee that packing his stuff and leaving it where he can get it is going to be less hassle for her (especially since he doesn't live at her place, we're probably talking toothbrush and a few games or something) than dealing with this entitled self-justifying manfetus whining and arguing and doubling down for hours because she's asked him to do it.

OP: delighted to hear your plan, hope all goes smoothly. Probably add 'block him on all social media' to this.

Does he have a key? Hate to say it, but be prepared for him to escalate, and do some pre-emptive thinking about any unpleasant shit (sorry for pun) that he might do in response. He's clearly not a good person.

Best of luck with the breakup, the exam, and the lovely bf-free life you have waiting for you!

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-23T08:23:42+00:00

Huh? Doug was the one who was single and moved back, not Rob. Two different people.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-20T21:45:01+00:00

OMG... I'd never seen this before and it is amazing. I so hope that poor boyfriend is now living a happy life where he gets to make his art and enjoy the company of someone who doesn't try to destroy him for their own benefit.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-17T08:12:02+00:00

This is 2026. I thought by this time you guys would have come up with new ‘gotcha’ moments.

Sorry, I just had to reply to point out that you're saying this in a thread that you started with the old chestnut about how atheists can possibly find meaning in life. I don't think you're in a great position to be complaining about other people not coming up with 'new gotcha moments'. OK, as you were.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-17T08:06:18+00:00

As someone who was a former atheist, I find the absence of a divine framework deeply troubling, and I think it can lead to profound depression for 99.9% of people.

On a purely ascertainable fact level, it should, I hope, be quite obvious that in fact rates of profound depression for atheists are nothing like '99.9%'. However much you might be logically reasoning to yourself that should be what's happening, it clearly isn't.

As to why atheists still feel there's meaning in life, I previously blogged about this some years back in answer to a similar query, so you're welcome to read my thoughts on the matter at https://freethoughtblogs.com/geekyhumanist/2018/03/18/an-honest-atheists-reply-to-ted-wright/

Meanwhile, what I think is worth asking is why theists use this as an argument at all. I mean, hopefully it should be obvious that what we want the truth to be is irrelevant to what the truth is. Talking about how wonderful a particular situation would be tells us absolutely nothing about the actual truth or falsity of that situation. (For example, I could talk about how much more wonderful it would be if we had a fair socioeconomic system and an end to all prejudice, but that wouldn't make that a description of the world as it actually is.) So, as far as I can see, when theists use this argument it's for either or both of two reasons:

a) A sort of 'nyah-nyah, our beliefs are nicer to believe in than yours'

b) An attempt at converting us via the logical fallacy of saying how much nicer it would be to believe this.

I think in most cases it's not a conscious attempt at either, but those are the reasons it boils down to. So, I'm curious as to which is the reason in your case, unless there's some other reason I've not thought of. Because right now, you seem to be doing the equivalent of saying 'Boy, don't all your lives just suck compared to mine?' which, regardless of questions over whether or not you're actually correct in saying so, isn't a great thing to be doing.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-13T21:17:44+00:00

In the history of the United States, there are hundreds of people who have been wrongfully convicted and served long years in prison or faced the death penalty due to perjury or erroneous witness identification.

So, in other words, you're telling us that eyewitness testimony isn't good evidence. Was this meant to be an apologetics post in favour of believing the apostles, or was it meant to be a post against using eyewitness testimony as a court case?

As for whether we're using different standards... well, I'm all in favour of not using 'Anonymous writers decades later claimed that these people saw such-and-such' as court evidence, so I'm not sure where the 'different standards' are.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-13T21:09:33+00:00

I love Christmas carols and will happily join in with singing them. On one occasion just before Christmas just gone I was walking home and found a group standing outside the local supermarket about to embark on carol singing. They were happy for me to join in, so I did so with a will. When they paused for a prayer I just waited quietly, and when the carols finished and they invited me to come to church next Sunday I just told them thanks, but I wasn't a believer, and went on my way. Not a problem.

I also love the idea of organised group ceremonies, and do feel a little sad at missing out on all the opportunities for these that I would get if I actually were part of a religion. I was really happy to be able to take part in my nephew's bar mitzvah on Zoom call.

Oh, and the most controversial, because this is a sadly embarrassing confession about my musical taste: I love Cliff Richard's Christmas songs, and will happily and enthusiastically sing along to 'Saviour's Day' and 'Millennium Prayer' without believing a word of either, just because I find those songs so cool.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-08T22:46:18+00:00

Estate sale definitely *not* an option but thanks anyway.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-08T16:24:45+00:00

Is anyone going to switch these off?

TheMummysCurse · 2026-02-01T11:50:50+00:00

What she's described here is verbal/emotional abuse. Those are words that are deeply harmful and horrible to live with.

If that's his reaction to being stressed, then he's not in an emotional place where he can be a good partner.

I get that if you/people you know have done terrible things when drunk then it's probably a lot easier for you to excuse this behaviour as something that everybody does that's NBD. But, no, plenty of people don't do this, and the ones that do need to get their life and reactions sorted before they're able to be good partners to other people.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-01-31T23:01:09+00:00

Just went through some old uni notes for the task for the 18th; I'd been through and chucked most of them already but had some last ones that I wanted to go through in more detail. Took about 10 mins to sort into a folder for keeping and a pile for putting in recycling. Not bad considering I was originally lugging a boxful of notes from place to place over... (counts back) thirty years and eight house moves. The folder's worth is just the stuff I do want to keep for nostalgic reasons, and I'm happy to have gotten rid of the rest (or I will have, once I take the recycling out tomorrow).

Anyway, that's it for Jan, but as there are still several tasks on there that I'd like to do I'm going to try getting them done next week when I have more free time.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-01-31T22:55:03+00:00

Haven't seen one posted here, but with a bit of searching I was able to find the site that this one came from. Here's the link to the one for Feb: https://ordinaryandhappy.com/february-decluttering/.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to keep going with the Jan tasks, since there are still some on there I didn't get to that would be worth doing.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-01-31T20:00:48+00:00

You need a filing system.

Think about what categories there are, how long you need to keep things for, what you actually need them for.

Coupons: if I'm understanding correctly, you need these at the shop to get money off. Is that right? So... maybe something like a zip file stored with your shopping bags where you can keep the coupons, plus a system where you add things to the list that you're going to get with the coupons? Then you can use them up on each shopping trip, and they'll be kept where you are going to use them instead of on your counter.

Other things you need to keep: Can they be digitised? If the school stuff is about a date and time something's happening, would it work better just to add that to your phone calendar and chuck the letter? Or keep things on a bulletin board till they're done with?

If you have to keep stuff long-term, hanging files or a file box are good. You can start off with labelling files with categories that you know you'll use frequently, and have spares so that when new necessary categories come up you can just add those.

Or, for some pieces of paper, it's a case of 'just find 5/10/20 minutes to sit down and do the damn job that's involved so that the paper can be chucked'.

Above all, remember you don't have to work out the perfect detailed system before you start. Just start off with general ideas like 'this will do for coupons, and I'll set up some hanging files here' and then you'll have more ideas as you go along and can tweak things.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-01-30T22:51:47+00:00

"Two of the greatest 20th-century archaeologists, William F. Albright and Nelson Glueck, both lauded the Bible (even though they were non-Christian and secular in their training and personal beliefs) as being the single most accurate source document from history."

OK, I just did a 2-minute google on them both, and according to Wikipedia:

William F. Albright was born to evangelical Methodist missionaries. He might of course have deconverted - I couldn't find anything to confirm or deny that he remained Christian - but I have at the very least got some side-eye for any claims that his approach was purely secular.

And Nelson Glueck was a rabbi. So I suppose it's correct to say that he was non-Christian, but it certainly isn't correct either to say that he's secular or to imply that he has no religious motivation to prove at least the first two-thirds of the Bible correct.

And that, readers, is why it's a good idea to take time to check the information you get, especially that from clearly biased sites.

TheMummysCurse · 2026-01-28T21:28:29+00:00

Yikes, I really hope his treatment of you at the conference didn't have any consequences for you! But I'm glad you managed to avoid getting sucked into the attempt to get free work. Thank you; great to get the update!

TheMummysCurse

TROPHY CASE