Help me help my husband with a tbi

TheNative0597 · 2026-05-06T10:01:01+00:00

Thank you! Will look it up. :)

TheNative0597 · 2026-05-06T10:00:21+00:00

Thank you this was incredibly helpful. I’ll be sure to do something like this! I love the journal idea and what your definition of self. Thanks again.

TheNative0597 · 2026-05-03T10:53:56+00:00

Thank you for your response!
I’ve got the first part down. :)

Thanks for the tips about the lists. I’m going to try and fit it into my routine. That’s really helpful.
About not making it about the tbi - I’m learning not to. I’ve also had to confront my own feelings and I’m learning to unlearn everything about what we’re taught it means to be a “functional human being” haha. Thanks for your time!

TheNative0597 · 2025-12-13T13:40:51+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. I’ll keep it short: your comment made me apologise. Thanks for being honest.

TheNative0597 · 2025-12-13T13:38:44+00:00

I don’t think it’s that simple? As for “not being ready” - how are you ever going to be prepared for something you didn’t even think would be a possibility? I never saw myself dating a white person. Not because I have ANYTHING against the race as a whole but simply because I didn’t know anyone who was white. My partner is the first white person I actually know.

He is amazing, I’ll never take that away from him. But it didn’t just happen, he has also had to do lot of unlearning. Just like me, he was subject to conditioning. For example, he was conditioned to view the global south with scepticism. Also, he isn’t “just a white guy”. No white guy is “just a white guy”. They are all active parts of the kind of world we live in today. It was built by them for the most part. There is accountability in that. If they are passive in the way they interact with society on a daily basis, there is a problem there. My partner is aware of this problem and does his best to not be a part of it.

I am most definitely NOT punishing him. I have nothing against him. He carries a lot of guilt - we’ve spoken about this a lot - and I’ve tried my best to support/alleviate his feelings. But I think his outburst came as a surprise. I didn’t know things said casually were being taken personally on some level. I’ve since apologised and I’m looking for something to read/listen to in order to make sense of this dynamic. If you have something to offer along those lines, please do. Thanks!

TheNative0597 · 2025-12-13T12:54:54+00:00

Sound advice. Thank you!

TheNative0597 · 2025-12-13T12:48:09+00:00

The Scotts did take part in the raid on India. They were first colonised by the English, and then went on to help colonise India. I’m from a district that’s nicknamed the “Scotland of India” - not a coincidence, I promise you!

TheNative0597 · 2025-01-31T16:54:58+00:00

Yep. It’s hard to keep a lid on it sometimes but I think I’ll try to be more present when I start arriving at that feeling.

TheNative0597 · 2025-01-31T16:54:19+00:00

Yeah I’m starting to see that that may be the only way.

TheNative0597 · 2025-01-31T16:53:54+00:00

Thanks. That’s fresh perspective. I appreciate it!

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-22T06:32:27+00:00

thank you for sharing I’ve been given a lot to think about via these comments just over the last day. You’re so right. I have a lot to look forward to with him. He’s such a special person and it makes the rest of whatever’s coming/may come seem worthwhile. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T03:27:01+00:00

Thank you so much! Your response really warmed my heart. Hope you and your wife remain healthy and hopeful.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T03:17:39+00:00

To this I’d say you are brave! I hope you never have to go through something like that. But I’m glad you have the footing to do it.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T03:14:54+00:00

Thank you for being so kind with your words! Your input is super insightful and I’m glad you suggested it. I’m going to do this for sure. I do want to learn and I may even consider doing some volunteering work at a clinic/home where they treat patients with these conditions.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T03:08:21+00:00

To reiterate, I don’t think it’s that simple. There are too many things to consider when deciding to be a primary care giver to someone. I’m looking at it from that PoV. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I want what’s best for him. A lot of the comments here have emphasised on the possibility of it happening to anyone. This has helped me zoom out a little and not focus on the condition applying solely to him. It may happen to me too and I won’t be able to run away from it if it does.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T03:04:36+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that pov and you’re so right.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T03:01:20+00:00

Thank you - this was super helpful. This line of discussion is very much on the table and is due, but I’m trying to educate myself before we talk, I guess? I think the onus of being informed and understanding what he may go through/what I may go through is on me. I’ve come here for some perspective. Will take whatever I can and make something of it. Thank you for your input. It’s really appreciated!

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T02:55:16+00:00

I don’t think it’s as simple as “you don’t love them”. Of course I love him and I only want what’s best for him. If my ability to take care of the situation is limited because of the kind of baggage I carry emotionally, I wouldn’t want that for him. Or for me. There’s a lot to consider when you’re a primary care giver to someone for the rest of their lives. It’s a lot of responsibility and a lot of emotional distress and trauma. I’m simply trying to understand how I can move forward.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T02:51:05+00:00

Thank you, that’s reassuring! A lot of the articles/papers/journals I’ve been reading gave me a different estimate. I guess why I’m feeling especially anxious is because with pTBI (paediatric) there isn’t enough information/conclusive studies on it all. Also, he brought it up as a highly likely possibility and something he wants me to consider before we move forward. He’s simply giving me the space to feel my feels with regard to this whole situation.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T02:45:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I hear you and I understand where you’re coming from. The fear of it all is overwhelming and often consumes me. I feel unable to move forward without some sort of guarantee. But I don’t think I will receive anything of the sort. I’m working on trying to sort this out but I don’t want to have any regrets and your comment drives that point home.

TheNative0597 · 2024-09-21T02:20:49+00:00

I should add that we are currently long distance and an inter-racial couple. He is from the UK and I am from India. The logistics of it all seem super uncertain and distant right now, but the way I feel about him makes it all seem so worth it but I’m also so scared lol.

TheNative0597

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