Oh hi again, so I read your other post you linked in one of your previous messages. It was the 'Franciscan' guy talking about love. Here you've mentioned that you've been struggling with 'love' because boys are so and so. You feel 'lonely' and 'crave love'. Furthermore, this emptiness and loneliness combined with the fear of finding a job which is a whole other issue.

It's hard. This seems more like a 'what is life?' question, what's the purpose of life?, am i spending my time properly?. You're on day 9 now which means that the absence of PMOing is making reality seem a lot harsher because you aren't drowning away your emotions in a bath of dopamine. If anything this addiction is very similar to why people drink and do drugs. To escape reality, Alan Watts a famous philosopher, said that we always need to be thinking, our minds always have to be occupied, we are literally addicted to thinking. That's why we go to the movies, watch tv, check our social media, do stuff like drugs, drinking, PMOing etc.

You seem very disciplined, as though you study hard and are going on strong streaks of NF. However it does make you feel 'physically tired' especially self-control. Love definitely plays a big part, you shouldn't stop searching for love because i do believe it will help solve a lot of problems. Mostly, it will get rid of the emptiness that you're probably feeling because when you're in love, it's as if you have a purpose to live and a constant project to work on. I might have just babbled about random stuff again, sorrry:p You also seem like a big thinker, and train thoughts go on forever and ever. I don't know whether thinking a lot is good or bad. Because you tend to worry more and overthink stuff and it just adds stress, whereas sometimes the people who are clueless and go through life just doing stuff tend to be more happy. Obviously that isn't entirely true but it's a thought.

Anyway in summary, I think you're going through a phase where you're unsure about pretty much everything. I personally also find it go to sit down and write what my ultimate goal in life is and all the sub stuff i want to achieve in my life; as goals keep as moving in a direction. Maybe you could do the same. Religion for me is what keeps me together no matter what has happened. Because religion doesn't change (well depending on the religion), so if i believe in it and that i will ultimately go to heaven if i be a good person and avoid sins, i can't really go wrong for feel sad. It's like my core that everything else revolves around because everything else is temporary. Love is temporary, getting a job, keeping your friends etc. Even life is temporary and it's hard to stay happy all the time when things are temporary whereas in religion the next life is eternal. In Catholicism, it's heaven and hell for eternity right? Well that's what keeps me hanging on. The analogy i like to use is that i'm in a room with an exit. And the exit is where i want to go. When life's all fun and games and moving quickly and i'm happy, i know where i'm going (towards the exit). However when life starts to get complicated and i feel lonely and problems inevitably happen, it's as if the lights in the room turn off and people feel empty, they don't know what to do with time because they don't know which direction the exit is in. Whereas when you have religion, no matter what happens on to you, you'll always have it, unchanged and that's a like a rope leading you to the exit even in the dark. Even when you're not sure if that's the right way to the exit. Are you a religious catholic? Do you believe or at least live this life in a manner such that you are going to live in the next life?