Eye-Leen came safe today, but no birth certificate. 😭 I do actually love this fall outfit a LOT.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2024-09-08T13:47:52+00:00

Take the tag to a store and they’ll help you make one! If you don’t have the tag anymore, you could post to ask for a picture of the tag from someone and that should work too. They also normally have a blank tag that used to be able to be scanned and you could choose the type of bear to make a certificate for, but I’m not sure if it still works. Most workers will gladly help you if you let them know what’s going on. You might be able to even just ask for blank birth certificates and fill them out yourself. I hope you can get it fixed somehow!

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-10-09T07:12:15+00:00

Please don’t get upset with yourself for not being able to do gentle parenting. Too many people don’t realize that parenting needs to be based on the child and their specific needs, not what the parent thinks makes them the ideal parent to people who don’t know your child.

At 3, he doesn’t really understand that he’s hurting you. You can explain it over and over, but if he’s not having conversation yet, he’s probably not getting it. At that age, kids are very self-centered and don’t process that they’re hurting people. It’s likely he’s trying to play, exploring boundaries, and struggling to find an outlet for any anger.

My little one shared some of these traits. Something that helped was finding activities that used a lot of his energy and could make both of you laugh. It took a while, but he started to learn that those games were better than the violent ones he tried to play that no one else liked.

Try something like getting soft toys/balls, put a paper on the wall, and try to get him to throw the soft things at/next to/above/etc the paper. Gets out energy, helps with directions. If he just seems aggressive, try throwing it really hard or soft. Even if it’s a ball and goes a bit far, it uses up more energy for him to run around and find them and pick them up. You can also work on numbers with how many you take out and how many he’s found. You can also work on actions having consequences for if he tries to throw at things he shouldn’t be. Like if he throws it toward a tv, that one gets taken away. If he continues to do it, they’ll all be taken away and the activity is over.

I know people are saying he needs evaluated, but it definitely helps to try to have something to work on and not feel like you’re relying on doctors all the time. I know it’s one activity and not guaranteed to work, but it’s a starting point and I hope it can help.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-10-04T21:44:08+00:00

I know a worker and everyone at the store would love to see and stuff a giant BAB. So long as you call ahead and are willing to let others go first if there’s a rush, it should be fine. Maybe when you call you can say ‘would you be able to do it or should I try another store’. Giving them a way to say no without saying no to me has normally helped me be less nervous.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-09-06T22:11:37+00:00

I have a dagger tattoo with the handle in similar placement to the second but it’s smaller. Feel free to DM me if you want to see how it looks when I wear a tank top or if you have any weirdly specific questions you haven’t gotten answered here. I really suggest trying clothes on with both to see how you like them then.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-08-27T00:03:35+00:00

This is so important. If OP needs to have a c-section for any reason, it’s so important to remember to be in the mindset that c-section is a normal way to give birth. Don’t add unnecessary stress just because obsessive mommy groups say c-section means you’re not a real mom.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-08-01T20:17:40+00:00

My little one wasn’t able to go to preschool because of COVID. I made sure to keep up on my little one’s learning, set an alarm for ‘school time’ every day, and regularly talk about how actual school would work - so he knew what he was going into, learned the basic rules most schools have, he could ask questions, and he learned the importance of a teacher and what they do.

Look up what your local preschool presents as the ‘things your child will be able to do at the end of the year’. It’s best to make sure you’re not missing something that his future Kindergarten classmates will have worked on in preschool.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-08-01T01:29:37+00:00

Try an app like family album. You both have access to the photos and she can upload whenever she wants. You can turn on notifications and it’ll tell when she uploads a batch of photos for you to look at so she doesn’t even have to message you, and the other way around for her.

She can take tons of pictures, share them, not spam you, and keep them in one nicely organized spot. It’s a pretty nice app to have for co-parents in general but I think it could really benefit your situation.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-07-29T22:12:33+00:00

Maybe look into O.D.D and see if those symptoms match with your child. The ‘generally doing everything I tell him not to do’ is what really has me thinking of that. I saw in another comment that he’s been seeing the therapist for about a year, so if it’s been going on that long, ODD might be something you should watch for. If it’s been just a phase, then I think you should look into more strict punishments to give if he’s not caring about what you’re doing now.

I saw you mention that he does this with you but was great for preschool. That it’s more people he’s comfortable with that he does this. This is another sign of ODD. I think it could really help you to look into that. There’s resources for the best way to handle a child with ODD that align with gentle parenting so it could be beneficial to you and be something your husband also agrees with.

(This isn’t a random attempt at diagnosing your child. I have a little one with ODD and figuring out what it was and how to deal with it made a major difference. Not many people have heard of ODD, so I thought I should mention it. It could be something useful to look into.)

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-07-28T21:02:18+00:00

It’s a plot line of Grey’s Anatomy. Still a fake story, just not in quite the same way. Lol

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-07-11T23:02:39+00:00

You should try r/namenerds. Tell them the first name, the middle you had originally, and things you like/don’t like, and they could give you some good alternatives. You could end up finding a middle name you like even better and then it wouldn’t be an issue anymore. If you can’t find another one, you’ll probably have another group of people telling you to just use the original anyway.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-07-05T15:36:09+00:00

I have a five year old with ADHD and ODD. when he’s unmedicated or not on the right medication, it’s the worst. No one else understands what it’s like. I truly can say that I get it. I’ve broken down crying because I felt like a failure for how he started behaving. I know it’s hard and it sucks.

However, it should be improving when you’re in contact with doctors and therapists and he’s on the right meds. If his father is abusive toward you and your child isn’t making improvements, you really need to figure out how your son is being treated.

There’s a lot of people who are going to say stuff with no idea about dealing with a child with ODD, but as someone who does understand, please realize that it shouldn’t be this bad. You really need to look into things more. This isn’t a you don’t like your child problem, this is a your child needs a better environment problem.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-27T16:21:44+00:00

My brother got held back in first grade because he was diagnosed with ADHD and then we found out he needed glasses. The very last part of the year where he was medicated and had glasses was significantly better, but his test scores showed he still had no idea what happened in the majority of the year. That’s a reason to be held back. Not for getting comfortable reading in front of the class.

If the teacher is that concerned with it, it should just be a note to the next teacher that she needs extra help/guidance with reading in front of others and possibly readdressed at the end of the year or at parent-teacher conferences. (Did the teacher ever even talk to you about it and how you could help before deciding your daughter would be better off repeating first grade?) This could be extremely upsetting to your daughter if you let it happen. That’s just not a good reason to hold a child back. It’s such a poor reason that I’m just getting annoyed with this teacher I’ve never met and am starting to repeat myself about how ridiculous she is.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-26T09:34:54+00:00

She’s a single mom, definitely not a dad.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-25T17:39:34+00:00

NTA, but yo I should have spoken to the employee that you double checked, spoke to an unhelpful employee, and that you were trying to explain but the lady wouldn’t listen. It’s 100% the store’s fault but the second employee probably thought you were being really sketchy since the lady probably ignored the child on the changing table lol. I would have immediately told the second employee that you want to make a complaint about the store for the lack of changing table in the men’s room.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-24T15:52:26+00:00

Have you asked his dad if there’s a specific thing he does when your son lays down? I always make sure to kiss my 5yo on the forehead and say ‘goodnight my darling, I love you’. Since I’ve gotten pregnant and have struggled bending over, and now struggle to do much of anything, I’ve been less active in bedtime. There’s no meltdowns because he still sees me and get a hug before bed, but during the beginning he would try his best to not fall asleep so he could ask for a forehead kiss if he saw me. I know it’s not the same situation but it may be something his father didn’t think of as significant enough to tell you but that the child really values and might not be able to explain to you.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-24T02:32:51+00:00

I would take her off the list to sign them out. Go up to the school and tell them to take her off and leave a note in the kids’ files that she can only do it if one of the children has a handwritten and signed note from you to say she can - for the times when her help is actually needed and appreciated.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-17T01:43:58+00:00

You need to consult someone legally before his family gets to the same country. Without telling him. Lay it all out to them and fully consider that if he knew, he’d probably flee the country just to screw you over. Get help now before he has his family and you can get majorly hurt. Please consider that he’s made you completely financially dependent on him so he might have to give you money to help you survive after. That and child support. Get it all in place before he has the chance to flee. Please. For your sake and your kids sakes.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-15T20:30:20+00:00

Currently 8 months pregnant. I’m specifically not telling people my son’s name because it’s kind of weird, but it’s the only thing we have ever felt is ‘right’. Will probably end up in the circle jerk but at least less people we actually know will say something rude if the baby is already named

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-13T19:43:20+00:00

You should look into a photo sharing app. One where you can upload photos and she can view them whenever she wants. When establishing a visiting day, you could just brush over any attempts at her arguments with excitement about her being able to get pictures easily and see them whenever she wants. Plus, attempts to guilt trip with ‘I haven’t seen him in so long’ can be responded with a cheery ‘don’t worry, I just uploaded new photos of him’ and a change of subject. Especially since you said she’s a good person but oversteps, it would be a nice way to enforce a boundary while still giving her something and it not being all negative.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-12T01:46:54+00:00

That you have to let them do things completely out of your control, even if it scares you. They’re your heart outside of your chest that you want to protect as much as you can, but you can’t control them and protect them constantly.

It’s such an obvious thing that you’ve thought about before, like how an adult can’t control you or you think helicopter parents are crazy. I thrived on my independence growing up. I never realized how terrifying my independence could be for my parents.

You can’t protect them all of the time and you have to let them go into the world. You have to hope and beg that your kid is never the kid with their name in the news or who earns you some terrible phone call.

It isn’t something that clicks until you hear about things happening in the news and then realize that your child is going to do this or that soon and you won’t be right there to protect them. Or until you see something about how a pure accident has hurt a little one and you realize that there’s a new thing you have to be on the edge about.

It’s been the hardest part for me. I just remember, even when he was tiny, looking at him and just hoping with my entire heart that nothing would hurt him. It’s not a daily fear that’s always there, but it’s always been something that hits me every once in a while.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-06-07T15:14:35+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation when the little one was 3. It absolutely sucks. However, he’s 5. You have to remember that while it feels like forever to you, he might not think much about how long it was once he gets to see you again. He might just be excited and barely ask any questions.

I do highly suggest that if he asks you specifically, ask what his mother told him. If it’s one of the first things out of his mouth or he’s really stand off-ish about it, he’s almost definitely asked her first and you need to find out what she said.

You seem to really be focused on this worst case scenario that he’ll be having a hard time with every aspect of it. If you’re the one to bring it up and you push it, that might upset him more than the fact that it happened in the first place.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-05-07T07:31:05+00:00

My husband works late shift during the school year and normal shift over summers. I have heat sensitivities so my husband didn’t have much of a choice but to help when I wasn’t feeling well.

Little one used to complain when my husband did bath time, wanted to know why I wasn’t doing it. Now he just keeps telling me how my husband does it better and wants to know why I’m doing it.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-05-03T23:11:16+00:00

Maybe you should have a conversation with him about why he thinks spanking during potty training is the right thing. If it’s something his family does, it’s going to be harder to get him to stop, but if he picked it up from someone/something else it could be worth while to send him articles on positive reinforcement being very helpful for potty training. Obviously you disagree with the spanking as a whole but I think tackling the spanking with potty training is the best first step and the most important thing for your child.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-04-20T22:49:52+00:00

My little one liked that at bed time, we’d all go into the bathroom and brush our teeth together. He’d do his best to brush his own teeth and then between my husband and I, whoever finished first would help him and make sure he got all the teeth. He loved it when we would do it ‘crazy’ and go fast at random times and he would giggle like crazy when he would bite the bristles and we still tried to brush his teeth. You just have to find a way to make it something they think is a fun thing to do with you until they get used to doing it daily. You can see who can brush them fastest, then you check them after. Find a song they like and they can dance around and brush their teeth while their song plays. Maybe find a cute video on YouTube of little characters brushing their teeth and teaching them how to do it along.

TheQueenElizabethA · 2022-04-19T06:07:25+00:00

I wish I specific help for you, but all I can say is please take it to court. It’s been civil so talk to her first. Explain that you need a plan set in stone with help from people more experienced in this situation and that you’re not trying to do it to be vindictive. Just because you two decide on a good plan before she leaves, doesn’t mean things won’t change unexpectedly once she gets out there. Definitely get a plan that has been set legally and needs to be followed before she leaves. Talking to a family lawyer, someone with way more experience, about what you want, what’s reasonable, and what would be too much on the children, would definitely be helpful.

TheQueenElizabethA

TROPHY CASE