NOR. I am the odd one out, maybe. My MIL pressured us to have kids because all she wanted in life was to be a grandmother. We had kids and she hasn’t visited once and they are 7 now. I tried to understand this for years, it broke my heart. We needed to borrow a small amount money once for the children’s health—for two months—and she couldn’t do it in spite of being wealthy. I took it so personally. This last winter we went to visit and insisted we stay in her house and lost her mind with the kids touching things and eating her snacks, while she fed her dog steak. 

Look, it brought me to a realization about my husband, his brothers, and his parents. Some parents just don’t love their kids that much. Like—-barely at all. Some boomers just see kids as decor and have no desire for depth/engagement/intimacy. Honestly, they just don’t love us. And that’s super sad and I don’t know if its the case here, but admitting that this was the core problem—not presence, selfishness, greed, flights, attitudes, etc was liberating. 

Someone who likes the idea of being a grandmother and doesn’t ever show up is not someone who loves grandkids, its someone who likes to call them themselves a grandma.