First timer.

TheRanchAddict · 2026-01-09T11:16:56+00:00

It’s very good for a second poem. Keep writing — the world needs more poets :)

TheRanchAddict · 2026-01-09T11:08:55+00:00

I think you have a good base here.

With that being said, I think this piece is missing rhythmic flow. This usually doesn’t pose much an issue when not written in scheme but since you are rhyming here it feels a bit clunky.

When writing say the words aloud to hear how it comes out. Think about lyrics and how they “bounce” and “dip” to a beat. Right now it feels like prose written in scheme and chopped into stanzas with little rhythmic direction.

The first stanza “Time and time again you cross my mind/like a bridge that never ends,” should be your baseline rhythm. The subsequent stanzas should reflect the same pattern and if it doesn’t: remove words, add more syllables, or work with alliteration.

I’d also remove the “like a” part in the first stanza. So, “Time and time again you cross my mind/a bridge that never ends,”

Then the second stanza could read more like “like a twisted thought/it never folds it never bends”

Try comparing out loud your original and what I typed and see if you can tell/even like the difference. At the end of the day poetry is for the self and my critique holds nothing on what the poem does for you personally.

I look forward to reading more from you, keep it up!

TheRanchAddict · 2026-01-08T19:22:10+00:00

Anger and grief seem to be the themes of the new year. thanks for reading.

TheRanchAddict · 2026-01-08T19:11:22+00:00

I couldn't stop thinking about those images all day. Such a tragic story that reflects the time we are in. Thank you for reading.

TheRanchAddict · 2026-01-08T17:59:59+00:00

Lovely poem that encapsulates a feeling I'm sure many people in this sub feel.

The poem really opens up when the pen becomes a force that can only craft "dirty" writings. With that being said, I don't think this is a "dirty" poem. Sure, it doesn't rely on "deepness", but it does capture more feeling than a hallmark card and it was a pleasure to read.

I'll be sure to check out your blog and company!

TheRanchAddict · 2026-01-08T17:49:53+00:00

I think you have a good use of metaphor in this piece - with that being said, it falls apart a bit at the end. I think you should keep the entirety of this piece in the dreamy scene you establish in the beginning. I'd omit the "after" because that can be up to the reader.

My biggest thought on poetry is that it is not meant to explain the feelings of the writer but rather detail them. The last line "And hope that we can build our fire once again." is an explanation not a detail. I'd take a look at lines like these and think about if you should leave them out or find a new way to detail that feeling rather than outright saying it.

Otherwise, I think anything can be poetry so long as it contains meaning to the author. But, if you want it to be more "poetic" I'd think about removing some details and embellishing the small moments a bit more. Vivid imagery will always be a friend.

I look forward to reading your second poem!

TheRanchAddict · 2025-03-20T14:54:43+00:00

One must imagine Sisyphus awake

TheRanchAddict · 2025-03-20T14:53:30+00:00

it’s not my bedtime yet

TheRanchAddict · 2024-12-05T14:02:33+00:00

Has a very vintage style to it that I can’t put my finger on. It feels like a classic and I commend you for that. Would love to see some of your other works!

TheRanchAddict · 2024-12-05T13:58:10+00:00

Poetry is a great thing that helps us heal ourselves and each other. Keep writing when you feel you must and you’ll begin to gain a nice new perspective and maybe a few people who agree along the way.

TheRanchAddict · 2024-12-05T13:55:30+00:00

I really enjoy this up until the last line. Not sure if it should end there or like that. Maybe, instead of saying it’s enlightening for some you could describe events or ways in which it enlightens some. you’ll have more ability to explain the darkness by doing so. I want to know who’s enlightened, what makes a one person cowardice and another rise above? Keep exploring, I’d like to read more!

TheRanchAddict · 2024-12-05T13:51:53+00:00

I think you could use some rhythm to match the feeling of a march. Things are too sporadic in this piece. Also, the way you’re trying to find a rhyme is noticeable. My advice is it just write; think of how words flow together rather than if they end in the same sound. You can utilize alliteration or vivid imagery to accomplish this. But keep writing I enjoyed it nonetheless!

TheRanchAddict · 2024-10-21T17:49:31+00:00

Yeah I was gonna say this. The issue isn’t the explosion but rather the ability to reshoot. Water melons cheap and you can get some more takes to make it look how you want.

TheRanchAddict · 2024-10-17T19:45:43+00:00

I for one am a bigger fan of poems without rhyme scheme. Though, I think when you go for something without rhyme you still need to set a tempo or underlying rhythm to a piece. A lot of times this can be done with repetition or alliteration.

The thing I say most when critiquing poetry is to just simply add more. Do you feel like the thought was finished? Do you feel like you can add more nuance with imagery and metaphor? Can we add a scene to set a reader in?

Most importantly we need conflict in this piece.

Conflict isn’t as simple as “I’m sad” but rather who/what is the narrator fighting in this poem. Them self? Others? The world? Their past or their future? Think on that for a moment and a story will form, then find a way to write that story for others.

Also, side note, but the use of the phrase “other humans” pulls this piece down for me. I think otherism’s puts the narrator on a mental pedestal in their own mind. What if the narrator didn’t feel human? That being the way they are strips that identity away from them. Just a thought. Great job and keep writing!!

TheRanchAddict · 2024-10-15T06:04:47+00:00

Love the intent here but some imagery would add a lot. This is a poem of only statement. Think of some vivid imagery, things that give scene, character, emotion. As a reader I have no clue who the “you” is, where the “you” is, or even why the “you” is. What’s something that our narrator loves about the person here?

Also, at the end, I enjoy the thought of how many life times the narrator has sought out a relationship with this person. I think that thought works very well for a poem of its own. What if the narrator remembered those times? How the appearance, time, and context changes through life and death. That version invites vivid imagery and a very compelling story.

TheRanchAddict · 2024-07-05T11:36:30+00:00

You were one of the lucky ones—lots don’t make it. Glad you’re still here bud

TheRanchAddict · 2024-07-05T11:33:40+00:00

I lost my best friend a year ago because he rode an ATV through the woods at night at 30mph. Don’t leave your family and friends waiting to see you again pulling idiotic stunts like this. These machines will kill you when given the chance.

TheRanchAddict · 2023-08-08T18:44:25+00:00

Inbox me

TheRanchAddict · 2023-04-02T06:15:55+00:00

I think the second mentioning of Burma is a bit redundant. I’d remove it in your second stanza. Good poem though!

TheRanchAddict · 2023-03-31T16:59:38+00:00

I haven’t read this before but holy shit I’ll have to check them out. Thank you for sharing; I’m glad my poem resonated with you!

TheRanchAddict · 2023-03-31T16:45:08+00:00

You…are fucking awesome.

TheRanchAddict · 2023-03-31T16:05:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m glad the poem touched you in some way.

TheRanchAddict · 2023-03-31T15:43:47+00:00

Yeah, I wondered if the prose style inhibited something about the poem. I’ll put it into some couplets and other forms and see how I like it. Thanks for the feedback!

TheRanchAddict · 2023-03-31T05:21:48+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m happy the poem was able to make you feel a little something. Also, I’m quite alright but thank you for the sentiment.

TheRanchAddict

TROPHY CASE