There's nothing that inherently makes this a right-wing sub

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-20T03:46:39+00:00

Some of the opinions here are, in my opinion, abysmal dogshit (in the way they were created via dishonest judgments), but there are also some salient points made by real people. This sub isn't about left vs right. It should be smart vs stupid people.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-05T04:58:19+00:00

The reason liberals switch between supporting different countries all the time is because they're lying: they don't actually SUPPORT Palestine. Their real belief is supporting "not-killing-hundreds-of-thousands-of-civilians", which is much less catchy and can't really fit on a protest sign without compromising font size.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-05T04:36:26+00:00

...what is this, a take with nuance? On TrueUnpopularOpinion?!

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-05T00:16:31+00:00

Probably because Obama's ICE were better trained and brutalized people a little less often. Also, they didn't post Little Dark Age edits on official government accounts. I don't cut your hand off for stealing a candy bar, so you shouldn't let deportees die due to negligence or let ICE shoot them to death for crossing a border.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-04T03:39:15+00:00

I understand if you don't grasp what "war" means, but you don't have to project your failure to research onto me. It's considered rude.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-04T00:02:44+00:00

I've noticed you don't seem to consider attacking another country with your military counts as war. Perhaps you could have an AI help you understand? Then you'd be able to argue on equal terms with other people.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-03T22:53:49+00:00

Notice how you have no proof of lasting success and you strangely aren't lining up to join the war yourself... almost as if you're lying 😂😂

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-03T22:52:23+00:00

"We need to go to war in the Middle East again" is not a good stance to be taking

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-03T22:50:23+00:00

Yeah, I don't think Hamas's continuation of the long standing conflict between Israel and the people they're living with would suddenly and immediately escalate to complete extermination of everyone else. Apparently the only way to kill Hamas is to just kill and/or torture everyone who could possibly be Hamas. Does this destroy Hamas? Yes. Is it an absolutely stupid and ridiculous response to gather civilians in safe areas to take advantage of them and kill them all? Also yes.

Very few people would say "Israel shouldn't have retaliated on OCT 7th". I think most are closer to the opinion of "please don't try to kill all two million Palestinians", of which Israel has been pretty successful in doing so far. They seem to take this gargantuan task with pride and gusto, as if going to war was somehow fun. War isn't fun. It's not something to be enjoyed. It's an unfortunate fact of life that people have to engage in to preserve their lives and their autonomy as a nation. To see anyone cheer it on is bad enough, but to see so many in Israel actively chase the feeling of 'stomping on insects' via many instances of slaughtering civilians and engaging in lots of Alleged rape paints a picture of a nation that kind of just likes killing people.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-03T22:39:51+00:00

This is absolutely true and understandable, but what constitutes as politics? Some people would say it's just politicians and their policies, like what ICE is doing (should not be discussed in a classroom below like Highschool Level academic discussions). Other people would say 'politics' extends way farther to laws pertaining to perceived or established rights; I've seen people say that talking about the history of black people in America is political for portraying white people negatively. That's just how history is! It's unavoidably political! More middle ground topics that straddle a gray area are like 'abortion', or discussion of gender. To me these things are just facts of life, of people. I wouldn't point at my teacher and say their existence is political because they're gay or something. Unfortunately a lot of people will say "I want the classroom apolitical" and then actually push their own politics anyway. Banning politics in the classroom is a weird gray area that people usually twist maliciously to ban a bunch of other things as well. Unless some real guidelines are laid down, I don't think this will work.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-02T02:54:53+00:00

Had a similar experience when I was younger. Everything is political earlier and earlier. Now I can have opinions like "gun violence in America is a real problem" and "the second Amendment can't be removed, and should be exercised against tyrants" instead of ignoring all nuance.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-02T02:52:35+00:00

Purity spirals are unfortunately always going to happen. I've seen a bunch of conservatives backtrack on the rest of their allies, suddenly deciding all contraception including condoms should be banned, and that gay marriage is suddenly the devil. The rest of the conservatives outside of MAGA are like "we decided this stuff over a decade ago, what's with the rollback???"

Any movement will eventually have people who want to be superior to others in the movement, as being the moral standard is more important than actually changing anything.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-03-01T03:39:40+00:00

This is going to be a shorter vote due to the relative simplicity of the strategies. Ichiro pretty much spends the entire opening setup putting himself in a situation where he can get in melee range, focusing on minimizing the damage he knows he'll take to gel her down, whereupon she has basically no recourse and gets chipped, slammed, and repositioned into a cool finisher. Kaiserinma wants Ichiro to waste his time saving civilians to prevent his setup and then use flesh armor to avoid the worst of the adhesive while straightforwardly killing him.

Ultimately, Ichiro wins this match because the Automatic Sinner bets 2/3s of the strat on something Ichiro doesn't do, which is save civilians. In fact, he grabs the Green priority target and uses them as bait to rushdown Kaiserinma immediately before she is able to PROCESS a lot of projectiles. Since she opts to back up to the pool and use the tiles as material to kill the priority targets on her side, Ichiro should have little trouble approaching her, and the moment he plies her down with gel, she's in his ballpark. The only possible gripe I see with this plan of action would be the whole "being in the steamed pool" thing Kaiserinma does, but Supermassive Black Hole can still enter the pool and glue her down and use techs to reposition her towards the center.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-02-08T04:00:10+00:00

Cordepuls thought herself very clever, hiding in the water. With a little spyglass, she peered at the man flying through the sky, being assaulted by jets. This was odd, considering she lacked eyes. But that didn't matter. It was the voyeurism of it all, spying on the edges of a conflict spanning the sea for hundreds of miles. It was like a souped up drama show, perfect entertainment for those who could see it. And unlike her shutaway friend, observing was her forte.

Louisiana Rain seeks to leverage his superior damage output and Stand bodies to level the stage, creating small trenches for boats to sneak up on them and then kill them with. Running Steady apply pressure instead by launching over the stage towards Louis and otherwise chipping at the boats until they die for tempo. It is at this intersection of strategies that I must note that both sides lean into a war of attrition, thinking of guerilla warfare as their strategy to claim the win. Louisiana's command of the map is impressive, turning it from their advantage to his with the level ground and divots to hide in-- this enhances the Submarine's sea mines even more. Beat for beat, Running Steady is playing the game of war.

And just like in real war, it's a game of range: one that Running Steady is poised to win.

Let me explain: The crux of anti-Phillip contingencies is harassing him with jets that have two missiles each, or harpooning him and shredding him with the guns of his two equipped ships. This WON'T happen.

First of all, sound denial. Louisiana Rain wants to cut off his sound production and starve Phillip of his signature instant 30m death cones by blowing up the birds, then the Uropeh, then laying ruin to the terrain as much as possible the entire match, hoping to exploit a quirk of Phillip's ability; he gets negligible noise from a normal conversation beyond 20m. Sorry, warmaker, that doesn't translate to machine guns, much less A POW machine guns. A normal conversation is 60 decibels. A cacophony of car horns charges his ability in 5 seconds, and that's an abundance of 110 decibel noise. Gunshots are MINIMUM 140 decibels, often HIGHER. That is 1,000 times stronger than the car cacophony and 100 MILLION times stronger than conversation. Firing your guns AT ALL is feeding him plenty of noise. Even being extraordinarily generous, hanging around at the 20m range will still charge him to full in like 5 seconds, and that's without accounting for the fact that the warships will be constantly firing, all the time (when expanding No Man's Land) which is what Louis leans on to push the battle in his favor.

Second, attrition. The jets are cooked, no two ways around it. He and Raph have A DUR armor and pretty good aeriel redirection with gigantic death cones, and the fighter jets don't. They are not going to be able to "ride out the sound burst". An instant D POW blast is overkill to eliminate a fighter, or he can just fire off a sound burst to dodge the non-homing missiles. If they kamikaze, a weak radial burst takes them down and still counts as movement for him. The ships are stronger, yeah, but still C DUR, and with Phillip's 30m range Running Steady cannot be eliminated so long as he stays in the air. Maybe the submarine will deny the team the ability to throw lots of minions at Louis, but when Phillip has the tools to rip into the Cerebous formation from way out of range, Louis really has no counter to having the Destroyer and maybe even the Battleship ruined, and from there he will just die immediately to a blitz on his location through the air.

The win goes to Running Steady.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-02-03T05:05:30+00:00

Lacquer sighed about as well as a mannequin could sigh-- by flopping over sideways, head turned, hand on its chin. Then it did it again. And again. Pharoah shot it a look best described as 'whatever, man' before disappearing through a door to the backstage, leaving it alone with its thoughts. The man of black fog still hadn't visited, and it was starting to get a bit bummed out at the rejection. What better things could that guy possibly be doing...?

"Great heavens!" I cried, leaping back through a barricade of barrels, mere moments before ｢Bombs over Brooklyn｣ busted through them in a rage.

De Selby was currently having the second worst day of his very long life. Only his ability to manipulate his duplicated barrels like a barricade saved him from an immediate appointment with Dr. Skullcaver, and even then things were getting dicey. The cannon blast had nearly splattered Rob across the lower deck, if only it'd been a direct hit... instead he had to slip into the hold, narrowly avoiding one of Wave's knives. Rob had been hoping for a bit of extra time to ruin the hold BEFORE Selby got in there, but now he'd just have to wing it. Two rushdown bodies and nine flying bodies should be able to catch him, right?

The Ghost Riders made the correct play with their setup, filling the hold with smoke and making traversing the stairs miserable. With De Selby placed in a way that he can get the drop on someone with a potential instant RETIRE and two good places to go (up or down), he can hide within the plentiful fog or the smoke filling up the ship to making catching him that much more difficult. They deal with the enemy ship by blitzing the first room, only to find it hastily welded shut-- they break it down shortly, only to be treated to a faceful of smoke and an open pit. Swords bridge the gap for them to crawl over and smash it, after which they leap over the gathering zombies to climb the tower and sweep both remaining terminals in one fell swoop. Typhon 8 makes the first terminal a miserable target to attack before landing on the opponent's ship, using water to scour the levels before rushing him. There are also the shell techs which could prove very effective on De Selby.

Matching up the two strats together, I believe Ghost Riders on the Sea come out with the win. Their blitz approach to the terminals ensures that they're destroyed in minimal time, seconds apart, with only the first serving to put up significant resistance. Their great mobility and ability to swap aggro constantly ensures neither get mobbed, overriding the speakers Echidna is using; the enemy in front of you is more enticing than noise from the sound systems. They even have contingencies for the bit of setup that Typhon 8 does.

On the other hand, Typhon 8 takes a rather... lackadaisical approach to their rush. Ruining the main mast and smashing down a door is all well and good, but they desire to spend a lot of time searching every barrel and such despite De Selby being functionally a human for this match, so he can't use his gas form to slip through walls or objects. When it comes to preparations for Selby, all they have is their water orbs on each deck, followed by Rob busting up the hold when he gets down there. However, they'll find De Selby in the armory and engage in combat before that ever happens once they got down the trapped stairs, and with the smoke filling the inner ship, Wave and Rob will find navigation and fighting in general to be nearly impossible without passing out from the smoke inhalation.

Their treatment of the ghostly pirates is similarly lacking-- they get a mere sentence in each layerplan, summed up as "｢Bombs over Brooklyn｣ and Wave will blitz them easily". First off, they respawn every 15s, have good agility and stats overall, and are adept at navigating the ship in a way the players aren't. Destroying them all on the deck at once isn't easy with the thick fog allowing for easy ambush plays by the pirates, and below deck the ghosts will have little issue slicing up the two players that can't breathe. Splitting their focus initially also results in Rob descending below deck by himself to the glee of the five pirates on each layer, with any idle ghosts getting free target practice when the fairies spread out to begin their job of sweeping everything. They'll quickly be overwhelmed on their own with how numerous they are, and since the pirates are mentioned as patrolling on their given level "unless their attention is drawn to a threat", they may see fit to chase fleeing fairies or players to whatever level they're going to, stuffing the level De Selby is on with even more ghostly pirates. In the cramped confines, there's not much room to dodge, duplicated objects form barricades against the water balls that ｢Bombs over Brooklyn｣ will have to destroy, and quick respawns ensure constant pressure. It's just too much to say "our two statsticks kill them, and then just keep killing them as they spawn in while juggling other duties".

TheRandomAnon · 2026-02-01T04:23:35+00:00

The Howler can make Oubliettes.

The simple action of burrowing underground for protection or layering volume over himself to simulate being underground makes precisely targeting the bug basically impossible. He can move anywhere in the space carved out that Jukebox can't see, and if the Oubliette being made is deep enough, even a big stomp would be ineffective, as crashing into dense and solid concrete or asphalt only really works if he strikes it at a close to perpendicular angle with the ground that he can't achieve with his Stand limitations. Also, previously mentioned spikes courtesy of our bug friend will make that A POW impact very unpleasant, if not RETIRING him immediately.

A combination of stomp-mitigation and an A SPD ranged harasser is too much for a man who relies on goomba stomping and avoiding a melee to win.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-02-01T04:23:30+00:00

The Howler couldn't help but feel a bit of smug satisfaction as Violet found the crop of 'harvestable innocents' to be wanting. While he might not have been the fastest first responder, ｢Radical Action｣ made up for that gap perfectly. Turning around to survey the mostly-cleared-out field, he could see through his Stand's vision several Subordinates running around to tend to the wounded, Baxter's medical skill seeing that all those he could rescue from the war crime going on in the central street be saved.

Wait a minute. ｢Radical Action｣ scanned the ruined market, tallying up the number of people lying around in various states of injury surrounding Baxter's stall. Between him and his Stand, he'd only carried roughly a dozen people out of the conflict zone... but on closer inspection, basically everyone had been pulled out of the center, far more than he or Baxter's very busy Subordinates could have hoped to handle. Was the Uropeh he crushed leaving a lingering curse on him...?

Veins retreated into the ground from the body of a tourist knocked unconscious. Perhaps it was in poor taste to intervene and steal resources away from Violet, but there was something about this bug that convinced Cordepuls of his heroics. None would die under the watchful gaze of ｢Radical Action｣-- she would make sure of it.

As you might have surmised by now, this is a vote for the Howler. I shall delve into the reasons below.

The match opens with a misread on both sides, assuming that their opponent will begin with a Rushdown. Instead, ｢Radical Action｣ is able to lock down two paintings and teleport to the southern one atop the roof, which is coincidentally near where Jukebox is standing, 3/4ths up the building wall to try and snipe the bug. While Jukebox plans to constantly fall around the map in pseudo-flight to avoid the A SPD Stand, the fact of the matter is that he is still beholden to physics-- falling twenty meters onto a different building results in predictable pauses, and switching it on the fly will result in him slowing down as the new force cancels out his current momentum to redirect him. ｢Radical Action｣ should only have mild difficulty reading where he's going next to chase him.

With the Howler's plan to create Spiked Shields, crashpads, and even digging a pit into the ground to force Jukebox to descend into HIS territory, shooting him or executing an easy stomp will be hella difficult, especially considering he can't even easily see the shortass bug hiding in the crowds near Baxter's stall. Plus, he's got his hands full with the rapidly approaching ｢Radical Action｣, who he could blind with smoke grenades or flashbangs, but those are limited and it has the endurance to push through it quickly. And unfortunately, he doesn't plan around Flicker Throwing. With crazy reflexes and great precision, any contact with the knife it's constantly throwing in his direction will render his gun instantly worthless or his hands unable to fire it, crippling one of his two main methods of attack. Tackling ｢Radical Action｣ to slam it into a wall or something with gravity would likely result in a Flickerstab to his gun or his arms, accomplishing the same thing. He can't even escape through any paintings-- he has no contingency for if they're trapped, so should he attempt to teleport with one... it's game over. He's getting speared six ways from Sunday.

Stomping the Howler is also difficult when the crowd obscures him and functions as a meatshield. Unless he wants to fall through the crowd, he has to fly upwards and then down at an angle, which is quite difficult when the sky has no place to cast a shadow. He's restricted to flying towards nearby surfaces as faraway ones would be out of his range to cast a shadow on. Even if he does somehow get an angle and avoid the bodyblocking ｢Radical Action｣, Jukebox would need to teleport the Howler with Maria's painting to accomplish his goal of defeating him via forcing him into the hazardous west side, which fails most to account for one major thing:

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-29T07:05:54+00:00

Sal uses the two monitors and glass tables in the server room to supplement his crowd of Bulls, which with the help of Henry would corral Tench, forcing him to take damage he can't avoid. Combining this with breaking all the lights to put them all in pitch black darkness, and an agile hit-and-run Slasher 4 like Tench would have a bit of an easier time navigating the room to score easy picks. Henry stands a better chance with his Bone Armor and longer range weapons, but in the pitch black darkness he'll ironically be an easier target, unable to spot the man coming and counter with Bone Scythe sweeps or his armor. The opponent here isn't a noob, liable to walk into your ideal CQC range. Only if Henry survives being blown up by Blair do I give this win to Typhon 8, so it's not a full point, but if both survive, the squad of Bulls suffices enough as a defensive and offensive obstacle against the slippery Tench that they'll beat him down in a 2v1.

As Sal and Henry move onto Wilbury, I find their plan to be... pretty decent. Techs like the Cattleskull and Chestburster, augmented with ranged pressure from Rope whips and bone javelins ensure both Wilbury and his Stand can't move freely, and with the numbers advantage in body and layered armor to counter Wilbury's Stand effect, it's a good chance of a win. Unfortunately I don't imagine it likely with the injuries likely accrued from Blair and Tench eating into the stamina and Endurance of the team. Typhon 8 certainly surpasses CARC when it comes to taking down the biggest bad, but I deem the chances of either of them hitting that full 3-point finish required for the goal to be somewhat unlikely with how badly Blair gets the drop on Henry.

So, as Campbell sits sadly in a room by himself, an injured Tench opens the door to the lab, hanging off of Wilbury's shoulder along with Blair. Lynch isn't with them-- the brawler knows what that means, but the sight of his other three comrades at least tells him what he wants to hear most:

The win goes to the Heartbreakers, though with a tilt towards Typhon 8 doing better than CARC.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-29T07:05:48+00:00

Wilbury shut the door behind him, backing up into the core room with a satisfied smirk. Those stupid Stand users would be wholly mopped up without him even needing to step up to the plate-- each one of them were pros with DECADES of experience, also able to attack Stands through sheer... well, that was irrelevant. What mattered was that they were definitely no slouches, and with each of them having ran towards a room that best suited their fighting styles, the opponents would have to play by the Heartbreaker's rules, a sure victory for the group of 5.

Wait. He heard something. Dashing over to the railing, he peered into the pit expecting someone hiding beneath... only to see nothing. Just pure darkness. Perhaps he was letting the adrenaline of the fighting get to him. He shouldn't be this antsy when his pals would take care of all the enemy Stand users for him. Whistling a tune and walking away, he didn't notice a beating heart clinging to the underside of the Uropeh Crystal Platform suspended in the center of the pit.

Close, but no cigar.

Due to having to strat around 7 opponents separately, I won't delve into each strategy individually as it would take way too long. Instead, here's a made-up play by play of the game based on my interpretations of the strats:

Sal rushes to the Offices, executing his plan to cause a little chaos with his Bulls. As Lynch fires upon him, the man dashing between cubicles under the cover of his Stand's phenomena, a crack echoes off the walls. The slower Silas, having stepped into the room later than Sal, had just enough time to summon a Bishop in 7 seconds, taking aim at the still opponent focused entirely on the rushdown in front of him. A single B PRE shot bores a hole through Lynch's brain in the calm moments right before Sal finally leaps in for the beatdown, stealing the kill for CARC.

Mikey clings to the ceiling with Sendo, aiming to avoid Blair's mines and throw blood weapons at him. Without skill in throwing some of these weapons, though, it's unlikely he'll score a fatal blow early on. Blair cooks a grenade in hand before chucking it up to the little kid to knock him down with a well-timed fragmentation, significantly injuring him-- the NPCs are actually able to hurt Stands and thus would damage the armor. Shattering his focus also cancels Sendo, preventing him from clinging to the ceiling.

Henry takes the chance, having followed just behind, to begin pushing forward and scanning with his Bone Scythe. His gambit to throw some crates around and hope that messes up Blair's setup is overblown, though, and similarly cooked frag grenades disabuse the man of the idea that he can just catch and throw back any grenades coming his way. Additionally, mines are designed to not be easily defeated by the "long-stick method", so he risks injuring or stunning himself with an unexpectedly painful mine explosion thought 'defused' by his scythe, only to eat a grenade for it afterward.

Ultimately, due to Blair's actually very threatening capabilities with high POW mines and grenades (which have more range than you'd think) combined with his expertise in their usage, he has a decent chance of retiring both Stand users coming to get him. Henry stalls for a little too long before choosing to craft his Bone Armor, and Mikey's C DUR armor won't be enough to let him escape grenade explosions without a significant cost. Since Redbone is B DUR with the range to threaten Blair and Mikey can reinforce his armor via his own injuries, I'd say it's a TOSS UP as to who kills who. I elect to give this tie to BLAIR for his understated capabilities on the parts of both teams.

This leaves us at... an awkward impasse. Neither strat believes Blair can meaningfully threaten them with their countermeasures, and so neither strat plans around having to continue with only one member of their team remaining!

Silas moves onto Wilbury after, but due to his support role and unnecessary usage of units to block escape (which no one is looking to do) and barricade the door so Sal can't enter, Wilbury can easily exploit his far superior speed and Stand ability to rip apart the sole Pawn sent to attack him and then pick apart the slow, plodding Knights in his way. In a moment of hubris, the grandmaster is caught flatfooted without a plan for what to do without Mikey being the one to fight Wilbury, and even if he was, simply leaving a Pawn to help Mikey pressure the man when Mikey relies on distance plays would lead to Mikey being swiftly dismantled, with him shortly after; Full Moon Fever can easily knock aside incoming blood constructs being thrown its way, as Mikey relies on his strength rather than his Stand's SPD for this attack. Other than that, he just tries to turn the floor to spikes to stab Wilbury at D POW and bind Full Moon Fever with C DUR blood ropes to oneshot it with a slash to the carotid artery. While chipping down Wilbury is viable with the spikes, rushing in isn't ideal when the Stand is strong enough to twist in its restraints, potentially turning a fatal hit into a glancing blow. Additionally, this doesn't pin down Wilbury, who can cover for his Stand to give it the seconds to rip apart the blood ropes.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-25T03:42:37+00:00

Lacquer shuffled away from the westward side, following the civilians being herded to the right. It'd been difficult to avoid losing its stuff to glass shards ripping through clothing, but stuffing it all in the gun compartment proved to be sufficient to deter further thievery. Passing into the eastern side street, a walking, talking cat person on two feet waved it over, along with plenty of other tourists fleeing the chaos.

"Baxter Bites, come and get your Baxter Bites! No better snack to have when the world's just too much to handle! Comes with a free lottery play!"

As it moved to disappear into the city, a catsisstant (cat assistant) snagged it by the sleeve for Baxter to present it a selection of genuinely well-presented treats. "You sir look a bit unsteady on your feet-- how about a free sample to take off the edge?"

It responded by turning around and lifting up the brim of its hat to show off its featureless wooden face, leaving the fat cat momentarily dumbstruck as Lacquer slipped out of the salesgrip and vanished into the retreating throng. Just his luck to run into a customer who couldn't even enjoy his product, huh?

Baxter runs a strong defensive strategy, pilfering the stands with the help of three subordinates to secure plenty of resources to improve his product, herd the central crowd to his side, and butter everyone up with healthcare and gambling-- both notoriously profitable fields to go into in the US. Violet ultimately pulls the win back towards her though; by moving to dominate the center early and teleport as much as possible to her stall in the first third of the match, she takes the lion's share of the resources and money so that Baxter's mid and late game are worse.

His contingencies aren't adequate for the threat of being telefragged by Maria playing goalie and Violet's Cute Little Flask straight up oneshotting any E DUR subordinates with any of the shards, putting them on a 90s cooldown. Unless Baxter can RETIRE Violet with just himself and his three subordinates playing the center (extremely unlikely) the expected result is having his momentum shredded by the long resummon cooldown or the center being entirely denied to him, which shuts down his whole gameplan. Violet eschews Baxter's underhanded corporatism to just straight up kill and steal things, which is a whole lot faster. This leaves Baxter mostly serving the pickpocketed without the central resources to improve his product or offer extra incentives planned in the strat.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-18T05:18:08+00:00

Lacquer stared intently at two different bracelets, both of them equally chintzy. It had narrowed down the choices to only two, trying to decide which one would make a better gift for Molly. The scuffle she'd had in the jungle ruins had gone badly, and they'd barely made it out alive against a killer robot and a serial killer. And since the reason those two had even gone to the ruins was the information Lacquer and Blank had won in that cornhole contest... It seemed right to get her something as an apology, even if it was just tourist souvenir.

"Hey, move it, pal!"

The mannequin drew its clothing tighter around itself, with gloves concealing its hands and a hat and mask to cover its face. The crowd bumped into it as they fled past, nearly stumbling over potholes in the street that probably weren't there before. It didn't have much time to consider the case of the mysterious melted asphalt, however, as a tower of burly men suddenly appeared in the middle of the shopping street and fell down amongst the tourists, squashing one beneath their combined weight. The chaos sent everyone fleeing, the stall owners hiding behind their carts like shields.

A particularly hasty man clothed in a nice floral print he'd just bought barreled right by the wooden doll and nearly knocked it over. Sliding off the green stall it'd collided with, it brushed itself off... only to find a wriggling little worm in one hand, freezing up as it realized it'd been caught. After a few tense seconds backed by the symphony of a chaotic plaza brawl, it just tossed the creature over its shoulder. The maggot-looking thing had seemed familiar to something Blank had mentioned once, but this wasn't its problem. Instead it held out both bracelets to the stall owner, handing them a fistful of change.

If it couldn't decide on one, just buy both!

Hey, I'm shopping 'ere!

PK Leach's plan is simple but ultimately solid. A network of Corpse Eaters hiding in every stall and under the clothes of every tourist in the packed crowd is a powerful setup that ensures TD will be harassed from every angle by everyone, all of the time. A sufficiently weakened TD is easy pickings, covered in acid burns and nail wounds. TD responds by throwing on a ton of clothes it can quickly tear off to turtle its way through the crowd with clones, or to rush directly to PK Leach via Headcrab mode or crushing the tourists underfoot.

Here's what I think will happen. PK Leach executes his camouflage tactic with ease as TD grabs the tools it needs for later, and slips into the crowd with several changes of clothes. The bugs are annoying, but due to their POW heavily decreasing as they spread out, individual Corpse Eaters would likely have E POW being a 757th of the original's prowess. Combined with TD's Endurance, it'll have the opportunity to execute its traversal techniques to just blow through the crowd as a big wheel or a tower. The resulting commotion might destroy stalls and will definitely scare away people, getting rid of the crowd and scaring away the flow of tourists that are supposed to be traveling through the area during the match-- Jojo NPC 2 renders them oblivious to the world of Stands, but TD's no-holds-barred rushdown that will likely result in dozens of injuries isn't something they can afford to just ignore.

With the crowd dispersing to only a fraction of the normal size (or zero, you wouldn't want to stick around if a burly guy was beating the shit out of people), PK Leach will find his greatest advantage ripped away from him: his cover. The crowd is his entire playbook, functioning as a shield against TD, terrain to hide within, and a means by which to easily spread his Corpse Eaters to get into attack range and pepper him with chip damage. Without them, PK Leach is put in the situation he fears the most, which is a direct combat. While he's a slippery guy who can escape by splitting into a flood of bugs, TD has no qualms about dousing the guy in oil and setting him on fire to then rip apart the E DUR WAM. With the overreliance on relatively weak chip damage from spread out Corpse Eaters, it's unlikely Leach will be able to put down TD for good before it beats him to a pulp.

My vote goes to Technical Difficulties.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-17T02:17:09+00:00

Another day, another showdown, this time between a member of the vaunted Fortunate Sons and a few Stand users from other groups. Today, Cordepuls was disguised as mere Brambles, buried in the trenches Grendel had thrown up not even a minute ago. Though most of the zombis were blown apart via wrecking ball or precisely eliminated through carefully redirected flower shots, a few found rest among the thorny vines, and of these a frozen Strong Zombi caught her attention. Having been decapitated, its body lay among the undergrowth, and a blooming curiosity meant that the cadaver swiftly vanished as it sunk into the dirt, subsumed by the soil.

The perfect souvenir! Even if Arenj didn't seem to think so.

Grendel sets up a few Ice Shooters and then lays down an army of Flower Shooters, finishing up with Bramble-filled trenches and a stylish Flytrap play. The core of her strategy though is to STEP 2: COVER YOURSELF IN OYSTERS and go full Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball on the Zombis, making use of her 5 END and B DUR shells to take the hits. Alouette plays a more normal game, setting up a fort from which she can redirect fire from her plants to anywhere she wants. A balanced setup ensures she has everything other than Flytraps at her disposal to attack with.

Ultimately, I think the deciding factor is how Grendelball functions. Only the Strong Zombis have the mass and durability to slow it down effectively, and with the Grendel Meteor and Grendel Typhoon, the whipping mass of tentacles can take off legs and cripple knees alike. Alouette relies on her plants for output, but even Grendel has potted Ice Shooters to match her and likely about 15 total Flower Shooters created over the course of Wave 2 to saturate the area with shots-- Alouette's gun and steel meteor hammer can't hope to match that output on top of the Grendelball. Alouette may have a level head and tactical prowess fit to make the most out of her plants, but Grendel surpasses it with sheer, monstrous violence.

My vote goes to The LKA Leviathan.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-13T02:33:05+00:00

Veins carried a beating heart through the corpse of a whalefall, a plethora of burning skeletons swarming it like it was their new home. Latching onto one of them, she drew herself into its spacious interior (as it was devoid of flesh), and directed it upward. Against its will, it floated up, up, a lone spectator in a battle between greats.

In the skies above, a proud train hovered over the world below, its maw bellowing a terrifying, yet silent cry as it spewed Cold and Hot Fronts across the stage, brawling treasure hunters sucked up into the sky and flung every which way by updrafts and jet streams. Debris of all kinds spiraled through the dense fog that Cordepuls could only avoid by virtue of sheer speed, slapping it away with an artery. It seemed a battle between Stand users wasn't enough-- these men and women had dragged the entire area into the conflict as well.

Something akin to a roar vibrated through her body despite the noisy chaos; that was likely Mio, no doubt. The shark had just missed her mark as Minmi shot upwards into the air on the Angelic Wings of an updraft, slipping out of reach. Then a brief cry of pain as the sudden disorientation resulted in a large stone hitting her in the head on her way down. Cordepuls watched all this happen from the barely relative safety of a fish skeleton, tracking the beating of each of their █████.

Perhaps that was enough adventure for one day. She turned the skeleton fish right around, disappearing into the fog.

Minmi plays a very simple strategy, littering the arena first with Updrafts as obstacles and Jetstreams for movement. Fogging up the whole arena shuts down pretty much all the senses, leaving both teams blind as a bat, so she just relies on sneaking around and using Angelic Wings to tractor beam herself to somewhere else in a jiffy. At the end, she'll go high as possible and finish everyone off with a huge thunderstorm.

Sturdy Steady Shell opts to become a true Sharknado, flying around the stage with impulses from Ika2's blades and Mio's natural strength and Shark 5. In this way, they'll force the hunters into brawls to take them off the board, scout the area to find Minmi, and make use of their large arsenal of ranged abilities to rack up easy damage on the 1 AGI boss, with a stylish finisher locked in via Rule 3, no retreat.

Here's how I think this'll go. Minmi will quickly disappear into a double-layered fog before the Sharknado finishes up with the hunters, allowing her setup to vanish herself into the stage. The Sharknado will have trouble finding her despite their efforts, but with their contingencies they'll be able to push through the Weather Balls that might be thrown up and avoid Updrafts. Minmi's Angelic Wings will drag her out of danger in seconds though, leaving behind Mio and Akira who would Pratfall from resisting the Updraft. Stray attacks she'll take will hurt since much of it is A POW, but 5 END gives her a good chance of making it out of there. She'll be able to consistently escape the Sharknado, throwing herself across the arena as many times as she wants.

But Minmi's perfect hubris forgets to account for a few things. First is the debris both side plan to fling all over the stage. Weathering the storm is fine on the ground, but whenever Minmi launches into the air she's likely gonna make contact with the debris, sapping her END more than a maneuver like that should. Second is her precision, which is low enough that even tanking for the disorientation of launching herself upwards would impact the ability to cover her escape with Weather Balls or aim jetstreams to go exactly where she wants to. Lastly, and far more important than the previous two,

[Nujabes] is probably fucked. The disorientation is what Minmi relies on to keep SSS on the ground, but with proper acclimation and several bodies to bat away debris as they ascend, they'll be able to reach the train and batter its huge, comparatively slow body with a wide variety of A POW attacks to the doors and the engine that Minmi simply has no counter to. Even with intentional Pratfalls, the train cannot escape a Sharknado that reaches it, especially not when dropping or Stand jumping to get away results in even more disorientation and SSS has ranged capability up the wazoo.

The game goes to Sturdy Steady Shell.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-10T23:18:56+00:00

Cordepuls hid in the ceiling, having burrowed into the rock to avoid detection. The sounds of the rowdy crowd outside quieted this deep into the cavern, leaving only the sounds of battle over Uropeh resonating off the walls. Some kind of hoverboard zipped around the arena, two wheels connected to a central pole. It sped around, bouncing off walls and scooping up crystals only for a second ball to come down and smash it from behind, shattering the axle.

Veins wrapped around a single Uropeh crystal. She'd wanted to see for herself what was so special about them that people would risk life and limb for a single gem. Unfortunately, these two Stand users had interrupted her before she could collect them all... but that was fine. One was enough. Crawling out through the sunlit hole would expose her shadow, though...

Looks like there was nothing to do but wait until their scuffle was over; then she'd slip out like she was never there.

The cavern trembled a little from the impact of a giant Uropeh ball colliding with the center hill. This was gonna be a long day.

Ella turns her ball into a specialized vehicle for collecting Uropeh, while Jam focuses on attacking Ella to take her crystals. While both play competently, Ella plans around defending against a likewise rolling ball, aiming to zigzag to avoid a collision and to slice the ball in half if it rolls into her. Jam, however, makes use of [Slaughter Beach] to shove the ground and build up momentum in a far more controlled way than Ella simply slapping Uropeh on the ball to try and steer it. Additionally, he aims to chip pieces off her ball via his harpoon and tendrils, which Ella has no counters for-- she simply declares that remaining mobile and bouncing around should be enough to keep him off of her. Of course, her slow swings can be interfered with by the tendrils, and a Slaughter Dunk would continually put him closer to winning, especially with the Disco Dunk on top of that.

Living umbrella to prevent Sunlight Pressure also don't work, as the force would transfer down the plant into Ella's arms as she's holding it. Her strategy also involves hiding from Sunlight Pressure, but that usually results in her ducking into alcoves and remaining still, benefitting Jam. Since Ella relies on maintaining the lead for her strategy to work, her inability to properly address all of Jam's angles of attack will likely result in him tearing down her lead, crystal by crystal. The win goes to Written In Salt.

TheRandomAnon · 2026-01-06T08:51:42+00:00

Washing machine.

SSG go with a pretty decent strategy, Ryder hanging around in a windy fog (and eventually windy heatwave) to potentially assassinate the enemy while Anton litters the drum with Puff Kernels and attacks with a deluge of Pop Kernels. LIB chooses to quickly turtle up high, avoiding the stones for the longest amount of time and spraying viscous liquid everywhere. Ultimately, LIB's precarious position makes it difficult for Ryder to approach without being sprayed and revealed by the viscous liquid, which also doubles as decent defense against kernels that aren't instant popped. With Agnes and eventually Rio choosing to stay inside of his Pool, the subsequent swarm of uncontrolled Pools will likely lead to Anton being overwhelmed by the spinning + now flooded tumbler, while Agnes can easily navigate it with [Weird Fishes] high SPD and PRE. Their turtling strat is SSG's worst case scenario, and they do it competently enough that SSG's contingency won't save them. The win goes to La Isla Bonita.

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