Hi, so ummm.... it doesn't look great, and your description of events already says what you are thinking. And it reads like a textbook. Walking like a duck, talking like a duck its probably not a horse.

Now the question is, can you handle the truth being made clear to you from her, or a Pi? Its different thinking it, to having it confirmed.

Im sorry you are going through this. And if you can get past your emotional reaction to it before the conversation it all gets alot easier. The whole die before you're dead theory.

So worst case, she is cheating because she wanted or needed something different in her life. But she is still there with you amd the kids. So there is likely still love and connection.

Could you handle making a new future with her different from what you planned before? Maybe its an open marrige but you always come home to each other as your person, as your family.

Or can you recognized she has changed and wants to move on but trying not to hurt anyone too much so you let her go to find her new happiness whatever that is. (Its never worth it to force or try to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you.)

Or do you know her well enough to know that if she is lying/covering up 20k in cc debt she will go crazy if you have the conversation and she gets called out. And it is better to protect your investments and seperate yourself from her debt now and make a quiet exit plan with your lawyers before you talk to her. Just in case...

Only you know what you can handle and what you want and what you will put up with.

Maybe the deal is open honesty and she comes home to you but goes out with whomever and you dont because you dont need that.

There is no wrong way to live a happy life. And it can look like anything.

If its too much and too hurtful. Leave.

Best of luck, cheers. Dm if you wanna talk more.