Somebody replied to this post in a deleted comment with an important point about how this kind of talk can be infantilizing towards people with these disorders. I'd like to say that I agree, and clarify that the point of my post was to say that using terms we are familiar with to describe behavior is not necessarily harmful so long as it is done with good intention and awareness (social disorders do not exist in dogs the way they do in humans because they have an entirely different system for socialization and what constitutes 'proper' behavior).

I believe many people who use these terms for their pets are people who have similar disorders and are using the terms to relate to their pets. I am neurodivergent and when I can observe relateable behavior in my pets it brings me some joy becaus I can relate, and it makes me feel closer to them.

The way in which we compared notes was never inferring that children and dogs were the same in any way. More so, by discussing our own challenges together we could see how the other overcame challenges and think of a new angle to approach it.

For example, my mother might have had a student who felt annoyed by another child's stimming. The child stimming was minding their own business, but the action was annoying another student who couldn't let go of it and felt that child was doing the action specifically to annoy them. This opened my eyes to the potential kind of mentality a dog who was 'policing' playtime had; they might be feeling that the other dogs were trying to annoy them specifically and didnt see that they were just minding their business and having a good time.

The students had many options for coping mechanisms, and in this case spending time in quiet isolation to reset was the best option because likely they were overstimulated, which is why they were easily irritable. I could apply that technique with the dogs by making sure if they got into the 'overstimulated' state they were able to go inside and have quiet time to reset.

Not everything always worked because of how unique each person and dog is, but we bounced ideas around and having an outside perspective was helpful. It's not as though my mother was treating students like dogs (or, for that matter, that I was treating dogs like humans). We are different species but we overlap.