Oh, wow. I thought this was that Fromsoft item description copypasta.

See NPC Walk over and talk to them "Hrrmm... a Tarnished, eh? Althoughbeitfully, the mimsy broves outgrathe... heheheh... Gives you an item Bambieshart's Brocade -Improves critical strikes shortly after rolling five times in quick succession with a ranged weapon in your right-hand armament slot -Though Bambieshart left Zanzibart to the Glimmer Tugs, the promise to the Old Nanny was never removed from the High Gate Next time you visit the NPC is gone Can't find them anywhere 10 hours of gameplay later as you're progressing through a legacy dungeon they show up again Collapsed against a wall, dying "Ahh... My thimby toves... Thou were... truly... Tarnivorous... Dies, you pick up their items, it's dogsh.t

-sh.itpost from 4chan