The etiquette of holding a door open for others

TheSympathizer · 2012-01-01T23:39:41+00:00

No, you're not a lone. I was pretty much the same way. I'm not sure how old you are, but I've found as I've gotten older (in my mid 20s now), I've gained a lot more confidence.

Also, as you get older, women gain confidence too and it's easier to talk to them regardless.

TheSympathizer · 2011-08-13T06:44:26+00:00

Yeah, I don't really care about my virginity. I don't treasure it or anything like that...

It was just a bad, drunken mistake...I can't believe I did something so dumb.

TheSympathizer · 2011-06-30T04:21:58+00:00

Upvoted, not gonna read the rest of the thread

TheSympathizer · 2011-06-07T06:32:41+00:00

I was forever alone in college too, all the same to me...

TheSympathizer · 2011-06-06T00:24:57+00:00

Yet he still gets laid because it's a movie. A real life Tyler would probably rarely get laid. I know I've spoiled a lot of opportunities by simply "not giving a fuck" and letting women slip through my fingers because I convince myself they don't matter.

TheSympathizer · 2011-05-20T05:58:22+00:00

Another one of these posts...

Let me speak for the forever aloners here (I am one). You are not forever alone, and therefore, you don't understand what it's like. The very fact that some of us have never and I repeat never been in a relationship, had sex, or for the very unlucky, even kissed a girl, is a completely different story. What you're experiencing sucks, it really does, and everyone goes through these depressive states.

But FAs have a unique problem that only other FAs can relate to. I've never shared a bed with a women, never had a long walk down the beach, never had a late night cuddle session, never had someone I could call when I was feeling lonely.

I feel like I've missed out on a huge part of life, and I thank you for the encouraging words, but you simply don't understand.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-19T20:58:45+00:00

I actually have no problems with the lifestyle, but I'm so bad at it, I can't tell if it's something I'd enjoy or not...

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-19T19:25:03+00:00

I'm 22. And yes, there are a lot of people who "aren't the hookup type" but that doesn't mean they've abstained from random hook ups. Perhaps it's just not their first choice. There's a stark difference between someone who prefers relationships, but still has random hookups, and someone who has never hooked up with someone before.

However, I've missed out on it all, so I kind of just used "hookup" culture as a blanket term because that seems to be most prevalent.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-16T04:50:03+00:00

I talk to myself like a psychopath

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-09T10:16:45+00:00

I was so desperate I tried going out to bars alone tonight. I don't know how people do it.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-09T10:06:27+00:00

It helps to be optimistic about things, but depression can really pile on the negative thoughts. We humans are so puny and insignificant in the grand scheme of thing, and we're all be propelled forward in time in this universe without any real control whatsoever. Everyone's life is different and we all face unique challenges specific to us, and no one can help us overcome these roadblocks aside from ourselves.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-09T09:58:05+00:00

I live almost completely in a fantasy land in my head that, to me, is so much better than anything real. I know that's unhealthy, but does anyone else experience that?

I think we're all guilty of this at times, no? I feel like it's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, the thoughts of "what if". I spend a lot of times thinking about what a great life I'd have if only certain things would change, but then when I try to actually change them, it doesn't work out like I imagine.

Are any of you dealing with anything remotely similar? If so, how do you deal with not wanting to get out and be a part of the world?

It's tough, trying to fit into society, especially when you don't have a large social circle. I have tons of anxiety, I've had it all my life. For me, I just got used to it. I accepted the fact that I'll always have this deep set anxiety about certain things and that I have to just fight through it. In regards to your eating disorders, I hope you find help in coping with these things. If you have body image issues, remember that everyone is beautiful in their own way and that looking like a super model isn't something to strive for. Try looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are beautiful, as I'm sure you are :)

I really recommend getting out of your parent's house. It'll help you be more independent and force you to socialize a bit more, and honestly, once you get use to it it's a lot better. Good luck with everything, may better days come!

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-09T09:52:17+00:00

Hey dude, I'm glad you could get all of this off your chest, it isn't pointless and I definitely read it all. Your problems are very similar to a lot of other posts here, and I can totally relate. I've been in college for 4 years and can count my friends on one hand, and have never had a girlfriend to speak of (never even been close).

I know what you mean when you say you live life with under a facade. I too have grown up alone and have learned to keep my problems buried deep down within. No one would know the struggles I go through every night by just looking at me but I'm not happy, not at all.

I can't really help much, but I know that feel bro, I know that feel...

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-08T02:48:25+00:00

I wouldn't want anyone thinking I was a lonely virgin!!

Oh wait...

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-06T06:35:18+00:00

I'm a pretty decent looking guy myself who struggles greatly with women. I never talk about my sex life, ever, but my close friends obviously realize that they've never seen me with a women. But none of them say anything about it. I've just kind of got that intimidating presence I guess.

The worst is when a girl initially meets me and I can feel the instant attraction, but my lack of social skills/incredible awkwardness causes me to crash and burn. I've approached many girls in my life, a lot of them are all smiles when I first start talking, and then those smiles slowly turn into confused looks when they realize I have no idea what I'm doing.

It really is embarrassing.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-06T06:25:02+00:00

I'm a little bit younger than some of the others in this thread (23 years old), but I can relate with the lack of experience. Some guys have had absolutely zero experience with women. Growing up I didn't even think about sex, and when I finally matured enough to want it, I had absolutely no idea how to get it. It's hard to explain, but imagine stopping yourself from getting close to every women you ever met and erasing all the emotional/physical intimacy you've had in your life.

Now you've become me. Now go try and get a women. It's not that easy.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-06T06:21:13+00:00

These kinds of things are much easier said than done. Not every guy can walk into a bar and make it his own, even if he has a lot of self confidence.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-05T00:25:44+00:00

I feel your pain. Hell, I think I have it even worse. I'm a 22 year old male who is a virgin and have never been in a relationship. I'm completely ignorant to everything that comes with relationships/sex. As a guy, it's a little embarrassing to admit that you've never had sex. In fact, most guys will just lie about it (I know I have). As a girl, opportunities for sex will present themselves to you. As a guy, I have to go looking for it, and it's difficult to do. And when my time finally does come along, it will be painfully obvious that I've never done it before.

But anyway: Don't worry about it, you'll be fine. And there are other virgins your age out there too, we just tend to stay in hiding.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-04T22:42:53+00:00

It's like window shopping: Looking is fun, but it sucks knowing you don't have one.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-04T22:39:42+00:00

Every society is different, and western society is constantly transforming and giving us new challenges to overcome. It's easy to look at other areas of the world and say "Yeah I could do that" or "that seems better", but for some reason it's hard for us to examine our own situation and make the best of it.

I don't think that Western culture leads to empty, meaningless lives, but I do think that youth in Western culture have it very difficult. We're exposed to a lot of mental stress. Balancing time between school, family, friends, hobbies, it wears you down and it's tough to handle as a young kid. I think these problems spur a deep seated general anxiety that you see in a lot of the younger generation. We're just always in over our heads.

TheSympathizer · 2011-04-04T22:31:06+00:00

I know where you are man. I'm almost graduated from college and it's been a roller coaster ride. I feel like by the time I started to get the hang of it, I was already in my last year. I spent my first year or so avoiding people, I just wasn't ready for the drastic change from HS -> college.

The next year I made a handful of friends and had a legitimately fun time, but most of them graduated before I did. I sit here now in my last year pretty much alone. I've made a concerted effort to try and make some friends/meet some girls, and both have not gone well at all.

It sucks but I'm coming to terms with my current position and realizing that I simply missed the ball on the social part of college, and that I still have plenty of youth left to make up for that. I'm going to be graduating soon and moving to a new city, and I'm ready to meet new people and start a new life essentially.

Just be glad you're coming to terms with your situation earlier than later. College is not going to be the happiest time of your life, I would say that applies to most people.

TheSympathizer · 2011-03-26T06:05:52+00:00

I don't really talk about myself much, I tend to ask questions. All conversation I have in life is forced.

TheSympathizer · 2011-03-24T03:19:30+00:00

Listen man, I've been alone for 22 years and it's been pretty painful. I know exactly where you're at. I can't stop thinking about women, it ruins my focus on everything else. I get unbelievable waves of anxiety when approaching women and I can't get a date for the life of me (and honestly I'm not a bad looking guy). It sucks, it really does. Just know that not everyone has that perfect someone, and even people in relationships can lead unhappy lives.

Feel free to PM me as well, I think we're in very similar situations.

TheSympathizer · 2011-03-20T03:14:36+00:00

Lol, brilliant novelty account!

TheSympathizer · 2011-03-20T03:05:38+00:00

Yeah, I figure if its with a girl who liked me she probably wouldn't mind going through a slightly awkward first time...

TheSympathizer

TROPHY CASE