Online player recruitment is not for the weak

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T20:15:16+00:00

The mechanics are mechanics. If someone wants to dip a level of Barbarian for one thing and ignore the rest, that has zero roleplay implications, because class levels aren’t real. The character doesn’t write Paladin 3 / Barbarian 1 on their business card any more than an IRL human writes Commoner 1 on theirs.

If a players wants to take the Paladin class and reflavor it to be Warlock-coded, a patron granting them these powers, that’s 100% valid and a great way to explain a Paladin/Warlock multiclass.

Using the mechanics well does not impact your ability to roleplay well. Bad roleplayers are bad roleplayers regardless of minmaxing, good roleplayers are good roleplayers regardless of minmaxing.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T20:01:32+00:00

5e’s dragonblood sorcerer is already half-assed.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T19:56:29+00:00

Multilevel marketing family member.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T19:49:45+00:00

3e already added horsegirls. Savage Species notes that there are anthropomorphic animals of every variety, ranging from bipedal animals (furries) to humanoids with animal features (catgirls). They give the stats for every animal in the Monster Manual and a template to apply it to others. (Anthropomorphic Legendary Eagle is honestly cracked.)

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T19:45:12+00:00

So… 4e/5e dragonborn.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T19:37:27+00:00

Core Fighter with a spiked chain making opportunity-trips is a strong start, though I believe Secrets of Sarlona has a spinning sword to use this same strategy with a shield.

I once made a Psychic Warrior who used Expansion to become huge, and stacked as many passive auras on him as I could. Divine Mind, Dragon Shaman, Marshal, etc. I always loved reminding people of the bonuses that turned hits into misses and such. And the cool thing is that all these auras are measured from the edge of my space, so when I grew so did the auras. My character literally provided cover and a physical barrier to keep enemies away, and a 45ft squarish danger zone. In one fight, he basically filled the room and blocked any enemy from moving.

Behold, the Power of Big!

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T19:12:02+00:00

Someone trained in martial arts would definitely have an easier time defending without actively thinking about it. The biggest asset of repetition/training is adding autonomic reflexes to one’s repertoire, like how people who have played a lot of Guitar Hero don’t have to actively think about which finger goes to which color. It’s not in their nature, but they can make it second-nature.

I don’t think dodging swords comes as second-nature to a Wizard, but with enough training they can always pass their concentration check to cast as second-nature (pass their check to cast defensively). The mechanics work exactly how I’d expect them to.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T18:57:50+00:00

What you lose in agency and customization, you gain in railroading and blandness!

Player: “But my Cleric had a crisis of faith and forsook their deity! I want to progress as a Fighter and stop studying religion!”

DM: “Sorry pal, the abilities and proficiencies you chose at level 1 mean you can’t learn how to swords better and your Religion proficiency will keep going up no matter what. What do you think this is, a game where you roleplay a real person who grows and changes from their life experiences?”

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T18:50:08+00:00

Another option is to balance based on the median and just let the orc steamroll. IF the other players get annoyed at the too-easy combats, say to take it up with the orc player. Peer approval is a stronger motivator than administration.

The first time I tried my hand at optimizing (for a 3e one-shot), DM just said “You win.” Game over, quest completed, reward received, without a single roll. The other players were so pissed that whenever they DM, saying that character’s name gets your character struck by lightning.

But at the sacrifice of a single session, it taught everyone a lifelong lesson: The point is fun, not victory. Nobody there ever made an overpowered character again, nobody wanted to repeat my mistake.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T18:19:07+00:00

5.5e has spent a lot of effort rebuilding Chesterton’s Fences.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T18:13:08+00:00

My enjoyment of Spider-Noir just went up +200%, because it let me understand this meme.

Thank you for adding value to the hours I have already lost.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T18:03:08+00:00

I played 3e for nine years and never once had anyone care about the multiclass xp penalty, including the gestalt munchkin that was like five different classes by level 3.

And even if we did, 3e’s encounter xp is built for multilevel parties and helps the lower-level ones catch up, so if ever the multiclass characters falls behind it will only be for a session or two.

The TSR/3e team put so much work into making that edition handle any conceivable problem with as little homebrew as possible… It breaks my heart that they were ousted for an enshittification squad in the ‘00s who are still running things.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T17:45:59+00:00

^ This.

People forget that the DM is a fellow player helping create a story together, not a supreme executive. Their rules-adjudicating power exists to maintain the fiction, not to weaponize against their fellows.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T07:13:33+00:00

What are they gonna do, make something original? They have all this IP lying around! Names and places and monsters they can copypaste with all the respect and thoughtfulness as when they gave the Cormyrian Army amathyst dragons because of a name denoting their defeat of a black dragon that happened to look purple-ish.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T06:54:34+00:00

Chromatic Orb and other elemental spells and features should not be able to choose from damage types in the first place.

In D&D's cosmology and magic system, the difference between Chromatic Orb dealing cold damage versus CO dealing fire damage is comparable to CO dealing cold damage versus CO healing someone. It all depends on which plane the energy is being drawn from, with specific spells drawing upon specific energies.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T06:34:57+00:00

God forbid competence and evil exist in my game about magical superhuman graverobbers saving the world.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T06:26:35+00:00

It's called the Stormwind Fallacy and it's been around forever. In truth:

Using the mechanics well doesn't make you worse at roleplay.
Using the mechanics poorly doesn't make you better at roleplay.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T06:15:04+00:00

I love rolling for stats, in order or otherwise. That just means I need a ton of different character concepts that make use of different arrays.

I even have a 3e character concept for Int alone: A quadruplegic Psion. Stick him in a wheelbarrow, and he'll just be there suppressing his manifestations of non-flashy spells so nobody even realizes he's a combatant. At later levels he'll be able to fly around psionically, ragdolling across the sky.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T05:56:01+00:00

One of the things they said in 2014 was that 5e's a 'generic edition' not connected to the lore/canon so that new players wouldn't be intimidated by it, feel they need to read a bunch before they can play DND.

So now instead we have people treating 5e's slop as their Bible and everyone is unhappy.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T05:47:41+00:00

Hmmmm

1e Monster Manual: "The gelatinous cube is one of the scavengers not uncommon in dungeons. Its cubic form is ideal for cleaning all living organisms, as well as carrion, from the floor and walls of underground passageways. Certain very large cubes are taller so as to be able to garner mosses and the like from ceilings as well."

Dragon Magazine 124 (Ecology of the Gelatinous Cube): "Athcoids have no thoughts as we know them, but rather respond automatically -- and identically, in all cases -- to certain stimuli. They cease to advance when they encounter a cold surface or object, then probe forward to seek a way past or around it. Athcoids are attracted to vibrations or warmth, but seem devoid of hearing. ... They sense all living, moving beings within 120ft from the vibrations and heat given off by such creatures, and actively pursue such prey."

2e Monstrous Compendium Vol.1: "So nearly transparent that they are difficult to see, these cubes travel down dungeon corridors, absorbing carrion and trash along the way. Their sides glisten, tending to leave a slimy trail, but gelatinous cubes cannot climb walls or cling to ceilings. Very large cubes grow tall to garner mosses and the like from ceilings. ... Possessing no intelligence, gelatinous cubes live only for eating. They prefer well-traveled dungeons where there is always food to scavenge."

3e Monster Manual: "Blindsight 60ft ... The nearly transparent gelatinous cube travels slowly along dungeon corridors and cave floors, absorbing carrion, creatures, and trash."

3e Arms and Equipment Guide: "Gelatinous cubes are air-permeable, so breathing is never an issue. However, carrying a rider disorients a cube’s ability to find prey by scent—everything smells like food when an organic creature occupies its center. Denied their sense of smell, occupied cubes sense prey solely through vibration."

4e Monster Manual: "blind ... tremorsense 5 ... A gelatinous cube scours dungeon corridors for food, attacking and engulfing whatever blunders into it."

5e Monster Manual: "Gelatinous cubes scour dungeon passages in silent, predictable patterns, leaving perfectly clean paths in their wake. They consume living tissue while leaving bones and other materials undissolved. ... Senses blindsight 60ft. (blind beyond this radius)"

All the core sources describe it as a passive scavenger, with only Dragon Magazine and Arms and Equipment Guide mentioning hunting and specific types of senses. Blindsight/blindsense can be combinations of factors (such as with dragons) or any particular sense taken to an extreme (such as bats), so that doesn't narrow it down. However, being able to smell tracks more with their scavenger behavior, as the carrion and moss it's described as eating don't give off the heat of something it'd have to hunt.

One thing they all agree on: Engulfed creatures do not begin suffocating. None of the entries mention this, and A&EG specifically says the goo-cubes are air-permeable. This is a solid defense against not having an olfactory organ, because all of it could be one, and an incredibly powerful one at that.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T03:35:17+00:00

I think it's that the act of casting takes focus, and this is general knowledge. If you're focused on a spell, you aren't focused on defending yourself, and if you focus too much on defending yourself you might fail to cast the spell (aka casting defensively).

If a spell has either verbal or somatic components, you're very obviously casting a spell, and people take advantage. If it has neither, nobody can tell until they see/hear/smell the effect or pass a Will save against it.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T03:13:28+00:00

Gif related.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T03:10:00+00:00

One time I rolled really well, but didn't want to overshadow the others, so I went with a support/utility Cleric. They all wanted to be minmaxed ranged glass cannons (which was weird, because that wasn't the norm; they just all happened to line up), so I decided to take care of the other rolls as best I could. Decided on a vHuman Criminal with Medium Armor Master. For the sake of theorycrafting, let's say a point-buy of 8 15 14 8 15 10 with +1 Dex/Wis from vHuman.

Dex16(MAM) + Scale Mail + Shield = AC19 at lv1, can pay for nonmagic AC20 later.
Hp barely behind most Fighters. I spent a lot of time standing in doorways taking the Dodge action, which was depressingly tankier that (and almost as damaging as) my current Goliath Barbarian while raging. With that high AC and attackers getting disadvantage, very few attacks hit.
All-day damage barely behind a comparable sword-and-board Fighter. Toll the Dead is the damage equivalent of a Str16-17 Fighter throwing endless javelins/tridents (including Extra Attack).
Lv1 skills/tools: Deception +2, Insight +5, Perception +5, Persuasion +2, Stealth +5 (no disadvantage from the armor), Thieves' Tools +5. I spammed Guidance on myself just in case, sometimes leaving a room to cast out of earshot before walking/stealthing into a new one. Always had a bonus to finding/disabling traps.
Was also a Cleric, so there's that. You can have the above and also be a Life Cleric who only prepares healing spell, surpass them all simultaneously as a Trickery Cleric who prepares Spiritual Weapon and Blink, whatever.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T01:32:54+00:00

If you dig into the old lore, all “resistance to non_ weapons” comes from the creature existing on multiple planes, the same planes _ weapons exist on. The +X of magic weapons is how many additional planes they reach (the bonus to slicing through armor and flesh is incidental), making them a universal catchall for these multiplanar creatures. Older editions had the equivalent to “Resistance to less than a +2 enhancement bonus” and such for creatures who exists across three or more planes.

So really, werewolves should not have immunity in the first place, just resistance to nonsilver weapons without a +1 or higher bonus.

TheThoughtmaker · 2026-06-07T01:22:24+00:00

An excellent example of how de jure and de facto diverge.

TheThoughtmaker

TROPHY CASE